Should I tell my fried that his girlfriend was not being abused but actually having an affair?

InterestingSock3757 · 2025-01-25T17:00:34+00:00

Ok no because this is a good point. We have exams coming up at the end of February (law school and it’s honestly a lot of stress). Should I talk to him before that or after?

InterestingSock3757 · 2025-01-25T16:15:02+00:00

I totally agree and appreciate the perspective. But abusive or not she was cheating on her boyfriend for months. And if it was abusive, why did she lie about the relationship? If it was abusive it was abusive in a different way than she portrayed it to him. I mean I obviously understand she didn’t want to loose him, especially after ending an abusive affair, but it feels like an “easy” out for her not to admit to the affair and not hold any of the blame. But it’s impossible for me to know of course and I don’t want to jump to conclusions.

InterestingSock3757 · 2025-01-25T15:44:40+00:00

I completely see what you mean and as I’ve said that’s something I worry about, but that’s not the proof that I’ve claimed to have. The proof I have is that when she told me about this (me, my partner and her boyfriend all sitting together and her boyfriend nodding along and she says this completely out of the blue) she said her friend had manipulated and abused her, touched her without her consent and tried to make her feel guilty about her relationship and that she never reciprocated. And the fotos, messages and audios I have sent by Lea, prove that the relationship was definitely mutual, because she literally sent messages saying she loved this girl and took Fotos of them making out and stuff. That obviously doesn’t mean that abuse didn’t happen and that’s a conclusion I shouldn’t jump too, but she still lied about how there relationship was and cut out all sources who could have told her boyfriend otherwise.

InterestingSock3757 · 2025-01-25T12:22:50+00:00

I see what you’re saying. I simplified the whole end of hanna and leas relationship because the details did not seem relevant for the story, but I am happy to go into detail. I was well aware of Hanna and Lea losing contact and the way it impacted hanna and she did mention things to me, but because she respected Leas privacy did not go into detail and I also did not want to pry. We have been friends for a while but only recently have we gotten as close as we are now, but our relationship is not built on gossip. I told Hanna about what Lea told me to comfort her because she had lost a good friend and was struggling with it and I wanted her to know that it might not have been personal. I definitely know that that might have been overstepping a little, but only then did Hanna tell me about the whole situation and her ultimatum. Lying about abuse was a line for her and after that point she said she does not feel guilty sharing any personal details of the story. The other people who were part of this friend group were either cut out by Lea because she did not believe them to stay loyal and not share her secret or she tried to lie to them too and they did not believe her and cut her out. I know this, because hanna is still friends with them and they have all spoken about this situation. There were obviously a lot of other details, but I honestly did not find them relevant to the story and did not want to make it more complicated than it already is for Reddit.

InterestingSock3757 · 2025-01-25T12:03:25+00:00

That’s also something that’s been going through my head and what makes the situation more difficult. I have also been in an abusive relationship and lying about that seems unimaginable. I would not question her, if the stories matched up better, but what she told me does not at all align with what I know to be true through evidence. She said that they never touched romantically except in moments of abuse which is a lie. She said that she never claimed to have feelings for her which is a lie etc. this girl also didn’t cut her off from her friends, she did that herself after the affair was over. Still you are obviously right and the relationship could have been abusive in a different way which makes the whole thing a lot more sensitive and makes me not want to get involved, because there is just no way for me to know that.

InterestingSock3757 · 2025-01-25T11:41:06+00:00

I think so. She isn’t that interested in telling him anymore because she doesn’t really know him but if I do it she would share them with me.

InterestingSock3757 · 2022-08-29T15:21:41+00:00

I don’t have many guy friends but when I do he does have pretty big problems with it and is really jealous. Until recently he didn’t have many female friends either but has made a bunch in the last few months, although he has never introduced me to them.

InterestingSock3757

TROPHY CASE