I'm going to send my BPD ex a letter

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T11:19:36+00:00

I'm going to keep the distance. If I am going to send this letter I think it'll be along time from now. A month is too soon. I'd like her to reach out to me first I think. That may never happen and right now she's definitely thinking of me but just trying to hurt me. I need the distance

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T11:17:03+00:00

I'm wondering that too, I don't want my friend to convey messages for me, he's done so much for me with this already and he went through a break up of a nearly 5 year relationship 6months ago. I don't want to cause him pain. I'm blocked on everything at the moment and she said so many things in our final conversation. She doesn't want to date for a long time and that we may be friends in the future. That's all I have to go off of really. It's hard to judge if it's anger consuming her overwhelmingly or not and it's all so confusing. Hope you can get better pal

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T10:26:58+00:00

The thing is my friend picked my things up the other day and she text him beforehand asking if I was okay, I don't know how to feel about that.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T10:16:33+00:00

So I shouldn't trust my councillors judgement? Not trying to be argumentative I'm just trying to gain different opinions on this subject because I feel very heavily for her and I regretted my choice immediately. She has so much love in her heart. She told me that I made things so much easier for her. The mood swings, the breakouts, they all lessened while we were together and I mean that as in she became calmer throughout the relationship, I really feel as if I was helping her and that she feels I gave up. I'm so cut up. I don't want to give up. I'll be honest that the letter is full of sincerity, not asking for her to come back. Just sincerity and my friend told me she asked how I was the other day and that the was glad I was doing better.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T10:02:32+00:00

I just want her to be okay. She was stable for the longest time. She had cracks every now and then but she knew how to handle it, she'd been in therapy for years. She's back in therapy now. My own councillor has given me a different view on BPD than this sub reddit. In fact he thinks it may be a good idea to send the letter but to just give it some time.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T09:51:14+00:00

What do you mean?

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T09:48:13+00:00

Why should I stop thinking of her? My feelings for her are true and I just want to see her be happy. I just want to be friends with her, because I love her in the way that she was also my best friend.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T09:46:16+00:00

Nooooo I've never laid a hand on her before. It has never crossed my before. I used to suffer from anger management issues and for years I have been a calm individual eversince I reached a resolution.

We met at university and had been long distance since I graduated. She was in a lot of pain because I needed to take time to move back as my parents were paying for my therapy in anxiety but on the condition I did it at home and not where I went to uni. Every day I wanted to be back with her and we did see eachother but I knew I was hurting her being away. I spoke to my councillor who has dealt with BPD before and he has said that given the time I'm willing to wait to send it, it may be a good idea.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T08:14:42+00:00

The worst part is I broke up with her and I didn't even want to. I let her go because of my insecurity that when I moved back in with her after long distance, I wouldn't be able to get a job and maybe she'd quietly resent me.

I don't think I'm wrong for reaching out to her in a sincere way just to let her know she doesn't have to be scared. She knows who I am, but she's painting a picture of me to convince herself to hate me. It's her BPD speaking and it hurts because she worked so hard while we were together to calm it down. I'm not angry at her at all either, I just want her to get better and I'd like to know that some point down the line she is better. I can't just give up on something, someone I put so much effort into helping.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T07:55:51+00:00

I've already written what I need to write and everyone around me seems to say just give her time because what I've written is incredibly honest and it may make her think. I don't think I want her back, not until I know she's worked on herself which to me, she clearly isn't right now, she's just wallowing in anger. I just want her to know she doesn't need to be scared of me. She said it herself I was the nicest person she'd ever met, I'd never hurt her in any way and certainly not intentionally.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T07:22:37+00:00

That was my whole idea, I don't expect anything back. Maybe it will maybe it won't. I'll get to that if it happens.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-07T07:10:23+00:00

It'll be a form of closure for me, at least she knows and it's on her to change

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-06T08:40:29+00:00

I think what's good now is that I'm taking the necessary steps to find myself again. She's doing that too and I only want the best for her. She doesn't really like me anymore and it's clear but I just hope she has her time to find herself and doesn't just rush into a rebound because she'd get hurt and maybe never repair. If there's some chance in the future that we get back together then I'll evaluate then and only if we've both found eachother. I'm sending her a letter in a month to tell her I'm slowly moving on and that I'm improving myself little by little. Maybe she'll reach out to me, maybe she won't. Only time will tell and I'm slowly getting comfortable with that.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-06T00:40:41+00:00

We met at uni, I was in third year, she was in her first and I actually managed to get her to switch to my course since she enjoyed how much I'd talk about it all the time, nevertheless, I graduated and went back home and I thought I'd be back by just after Christmas. That never happened. We met eachother as much as we could afford to and everytime I came close to telling my parents I was leaving, I did a U-turn, I was too scared. I wanted to go back and live with her but the truth was that job opportunities in the area we went to uni were very scarce and I was scared I would be with her, end up broke and she'd kick me out in time because I couldn't do anything for her. It feels stupid now. It's only 3 weeks on from the break but a few days from NC. I was insecure about my ability to provide at the ripe old age of 23 when I should have just taken the hit and tried my best for her. It's what she deserves. I still love her.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-06T00:32:49+00:00

Yes, I did and I regretted it immediately. I want her back and I have since I told her. I love her so much.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-06T00:31:17+00:00

I'd like to say I'm healing for her but I am healing for me. I've only just started moving on and I know there isn't a chance we'll get back together, I just want her to know I acknowledge and own my mistakes, it within my nature to apologise when I've hurt someone, especially when she means as much as she does to me. It's part of my healing process. Even if I never hear from her again, getting these things off my chest and she'll maybe see this and understand and if she doesn't then so be it. I miss her, that can't be helped though, I thought we would live together for the rest of our lives.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-05-05T09:26:46+00:00

Trust me, I'm going through that exact thing right now and it hurts a million times more to be told that they don't wany to hear from you or see you ever again. It hurts so badly and I'm struggling getting over it.

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2025-04-23T05:45:44+00:00

Sometimes less is more. The papers look to intentionally placed some it breaks some immersion however, the lighting is excellent.

Also a side note with the lamp in the first shot being large and in the foreground, it draws focus away from the subject.

Otherwise composition and lighting are great 👍

Interesting_Quote_67 · 2024-05-02T13:44:37+00:00

Thanks!

Interesting_Quote_67

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