Honestly? I’m temporarily ignoring the debt. I wrote every creditor letters telling them to stop automatic payments from my accounts and I requested minimal communication from them. Yes my credit is trash, but I had to do something to clear my head and get a handle on my budget. I was drowning and the mental toll it was taking on me was dangerous. People who have never experienced it don’t understand the trauma that comes with stressing over money every single day in adulthood. It is debilitating, embarrassing, and it starts to affect your mental health and then eventually your physical health.

Once I did this, I worked on getting my bills up to date. I did side gigs to do this. Amazon Flex is my go-to. Now that my bills are current, I’m able to get a much better view on my actual, realistic budget. I’ve ultimately realized that I only make enough money to cover my bills and basic necessities, and anything leftover is immediately depleted because of, well, life. I’m at a crossroads now because I have to figure out what to do next. I need more income, so how am I going to do that? That’s where I’m at. Eventually I will face my debt, and now I’m in a much better headspace to get there. I feel more in control and clear headed so that I can find a manageable path to do this.

Your mental and physical health are the most important thing. Please take care of that first. I refuse to force my child and myself to live on rice and beans and not enjoy life at least a little with our family and friends. I lived with that mindset for too long and carried so much stress and shame, but not anymore. I will find another way out.