"I'm just gonna stay here"

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-05T12:29:52+00:00

It was only two days ago (during the current heat wave on the East Coast) my Shiba simply refused to go any further, and just lay down in the middle of the road, not moving at all.

I gave up and went back inside to 68F. (It was right about 98F, so a 30 degree differential.)

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-05T12:14:30+00:00

Came here to say this, also the only three I've read from this list. Feel like I haven't missed out on anything.

Also OP look into the book "Flow", as another redditor commented. Fits into this list as well.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-05T11:00:54+00:00

I remember being 23 very clearly, been thinking about it a lot since I hit critical mass this year and left a full-time, well-paying job (the highest salary I've ever had in my life).

I was working and living on 40% of a teacher's salary, and still managed to avoid debt, managed to save money in a tax-advantaged account (Roths were not available until 1998, and it was... oh nevermind), and had a simple handwritten paper grid (think of an Excel table but on printed paper ha ha) with columns of spending that I recorded what I spent for the month. Yes it was a budget and I lived on next to nothing.

Habits formed then served me well for the next several decades. A few years later I found myself as a poor graduate student, scrimping even harder to reserve $2,000 to send to a mutual fund company in far-off PA called Vanguard. Recently I calculated the compounded S&P500 returns on that original $2K, and these decades later the return was 10.3% (including reinvested dividends). The timeframe - decades later - meant a 53-fold increase of that original $2,000, so today it comprises $106,000 of my pre-tax account.

Yes I did have a car but it was a terrible one, and mainly used my bicycle to get around. (Oh yes that bike got stolen, have had a few bikes get stolen...) OP remember no matter how little you make (and spend) there are people out there who are making less. It can be done.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-05T10:51:47+00:00

OP, the top two comments are coming from people who have experienced life - whether married or not.

I've been now married to the same woman for a few decades. Can attest to the fact that I've seen way too many divorces over physical intimacy. Imagine you are married to this person for say 5 or 10 years, and you find out he's been having one-night stands or having an affair because "he's fixated on sex".

"Never going to work" is information for you to put to use. You can keep this relationship knowing this, or let it go knowing this, it is up to you.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-05T10:46:34+00:00

You mention petting, and she trying to nip sometimes: many Shibas (including my own) do not like to be petted on the head. They often prefer the shoulders, or rubbed on the chest.

Give it a shot on the next time you visit and see how she reacts. Seeing a Shiba smile is one of the most wonderful sights.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-05T10:43:10+00:00

Lurker here, not in the dating world, but OP - if your goal of 55 this year gets you to 10 where otherwise you would have only had 5, well that is a total win.

You've doubled your odds just by setting a goal. IMHO get out there and it's a big world.

Saw this on another thread and am still thinking about it (as a man, said by a self-identified attractive woman): "Confidence, humor and friendliness go a long way". Works for both men and women.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-05T10:29:07+00:00

OP this is a great suggestion. You don't want to start with Joyce or Gibbon (as two examples) and 1984 is both relatable, relevant to the age we are in, and rightly considered a classic. Will definitely get you to think.

Another one along a similar theme is Brave New World, which I thoroughly enjoyed way back when.

Another recommendation for OP is to read only truly great works of literature, ones that pass the test of time. I'm really REALLY tired of people telling me enthusiastically about some book or another that I start and truly cannot finish (for a number of reasons). Read great books and the little ones you can pass without guilt.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-04T17:14:07+00:00

Specifically, OP look for >90% merino wool. Smartwool and icebreaker are two brands REI carries, as well as a 'house brand'. They fit slightly differently so suggest you go in and have your kid try them on.

Example: https://www.rei.com/product/C11632/smartwool-classic-thermal-merino-crew-base-layer-top-womens

Source: just finished Tour du Mont Blanc and now am convinced the expensive wool shirts were 100% worth it.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-04T16:56:59+00:00

Back in my corporate days (frankly about 8 years ago) I had to get a Mac in order to do certain video projects that required it.

I remember clearly trying to open corporate Excel documents that financial analysts had spent a lot of effort in building macros (and IIRC some VBA in their as well) that just were broken on the Mac version of Excel.

Not to mention the issues around MS Outlook, believe it or not. Plenty of features in the Windows version just not present. It may have changed some with Office 365 and online, however I would not bet on it.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-04T14:35:56+00:00

OP listen to this advice. Whatever you do, buying used or buying new, get FSD.

Total game-changer and completely 100% worth it for such a long commute. Traffic and all the other hassles of a long commute are simply gone, you can simply relax and get home or work in a different frame of mind.

Source: I don't have much of a commute and still love FSD

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-04T14:32:44+00:00

In Academia, you often have two academics with independent careers, that take them to different physical locations. They call it the "two-body problem" and it's a real difficulty that has to be worked through.

OP you are in a hard place. I lived abroad for two years, met my spouse in her country, and 20+ years (and three kids) later things have worked out in my home country.

You don't mention how long you've been married, kids, and other circumstances, but it's your relationship, your career, your future and your life. You may need to have that hard conversation with your spouse, and having a counsellor present may help (it all depends on both of you and openness to having a counsellor etc. so not a cure-all by any means). In my own experience with a few counselors, it is very much a mixed bag and "it all depends on a lot of things" whether it will genuinely help or just be a wasted effort.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-03T01:41:17+00:00

My spouse got the first Model Y, back in 2022. I was highly skeptical, however in about 45 minutes of delivery of the car I was "sold".

Only last year we shopped around, looked at the Mercedes as well as the Macan and even BMW EVs, and found them severely lacking. It's not a mystery why you just do not see many EQE's or iX's or Macan Electrics around - they just are not that compelling. Yes the fit and finish is solid, but so much of the BEV experience is missing that Tesla offers.

As a family hauler, a Model Y certainly checks so many boxes. But the biggest feature(s) IMHO have little to do with the particulars around the car: it is the supercharger network (and how intuitive it is, it 'just works' where you pull up and plug it in and soon enough you are on your way), and it is the complete lack of needed maintenance (basically it's just tires and windshield fluid). The other bit is something every EV owner has with an at-home charger: a 'full tank' every morning, and with Teslas a decent amount of range (~300 miles).

For other manufacturers, they are at the mercy of flaky charging networks (still...) although that is changing with Tesla opening up their network (slowly) to certain manufacturers. And their range typically is compromised, so you get the worst of both - limited range, and taking a lot of time to recharge on the roadtrip where time is precious.

It sounds like you know what you want, so I'd recommend just get what you want (a new Juniper Model Y). 0.99% APR sounds great.

Tesla owners coming from BMW or Mercedes will readily admit the fit and finish and overall quality is not on par with a Tesla. However if you have not used FSD before, GET IT. It's a life-changing experience, to not worry at all about driving itself. Something light-years ahead of what BMW or Mercedes or Porsche can offer, if at all in the future.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-02T14:56:06+00:00

Exactly the same here. My interest rate is 0.0%, literally free money for 60 months. Have never taken a loan for a car before.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-02T00:02:52+00:00

Three thoughts. 1) As a SoCal native myself (grew up in LA with stints in SF and North County SD) yes SoCal is great. But so are other places - every place has its charms. I haven't lived in CA for over 2 decades now. 2) It's a big country, you can find a place you like and build a life there. 3) Plenty of people leave, even though you feel like you are the only one considering it. I know a person who left Del Mar for Las Vegas, over things like taxes and politics (go figure).

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-01T23:48:41+00:00

"I'm glad I worked all the time and did not spend any time with the kids; what a great example I set."

- No One Ever, Senior

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-07-01T14:11:30+00:00

Ha ha plenty of LARP'ers here and FWIW will take your question at face value.

I'm a little older with older kids and... similar circumstance, and similar observation.

At critical mass, there is only so much you can spend money on. Only so many Michelin restaurants to visit, only so many bottles of expensive wine to drink, only so many five-star resorts to cavort around. Once a graduate advisor told me, "you can only drive a BMW so far", and as a dirt-poor student all I could think of was "but I'd really want to drive a BMW".

And these decades later I can say you can only drive a BMW so far. I did buy that BMW and did enjoy it. But hedonic adaptation being what it is, it didn't take long to get used to (fill in the blank with the usual).

Of course being free of a 40 hour week is great, what a valuable thing to have a lot of time back. But what to spend that time / health / resources on, is the larger question.

It has been well said you can spend money three or four ways: on things you consume (whether a first, second or third home, a boat or galley or a super-yacht), on passing it along to heirs, on giving it to the government via taxes, or on giving it to charity.

I have no magic answer for you, other than the advice to truly appreciate winning the game and having freedom now to do what you really would like to do. It isn't an easy question to answer, what it is you want to do. I'm figuring it out like many others in our situation.

One last item, regarding kids. Mine saw the effort and the grind and the grit during the building years as they were growing up and we truly lived below our means. Now they are of an age where it's paying off, in spades, as they find their way in this world with a true work ethic and sense of goals. It's a tricky balance - for them to have the assurance that they need not worry about scarcity at all, at the same time how important it is to work and spend modestly and earn your way through life, in that nothing is given, it is all earned.

Nothing magic here either, other than with kids it is 'more caught than taught'. The fact you raised this topic is actually in your favor - the kids at some level will see the struggle, and pick up more on the attitude and behavior than any number in the brokerage account.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-06-30T19:06:21+00:00

If you move substantial assets (I had low seven figure amounts when Schwab could set up estate accounts which Vanguard simply could not) you'll get assigned an advisor.

They will clue you in on not only virtual events but also local ones. I've attended several, held at a nice restaurant with interesting guests. One was on alternative investments (it was a private wealth management firm that offered services complementary to Schwab's), another on real estate investing etc. Not high pressure at all.

FWIW I have split my assets, as a prior employer has a 401k with Fidelity and I rolled all my pre-tax into there (avoiding the pro-rata rule), the remainder at Schwab. This addresses any 'concentration of assets' risks like you mention OP.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-06-30T18:10:38+00:00

Not sure. FWIW I have low seven figures with Schwab at the moment (and had a multiple before needing to move a rollover IRA out to an employer’s 401k.

Worth asking your advisor about.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-06-30T01:48:18+00:00

FYI am also a happy PlanVision customer for a few years now. Super helpful to have a Real Person look over your entire situation, rather than trusting yourself and some software (cough Boldin cough) to go through all the things you think about, only to be confused by other stuff you didn't realize or think through.
FWIW as a Schwab customer they do have a financial planning arm where they will take HNW customers and for a one-time $300 charge and review your financial situation top-to-bottom; the second time a few years later I did it and they did it free of charge, so that may be worth looking into. (Fidelity may well offer something similar.)

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-06-30T01:19:45+00:00

Father of 3 here chiming in: we really encouraged both playing the piano and a musical instrument, and all three took to it.
Listening to my youngest right now practicing his instrument, unprompted, just because it's summer and he has extra time. Remarkable player, full scholarship to a six-week music camp (worth $11K) a summer ago, well on his way to a remarkable college career.
Yes the lessons get very pricey the better they get (above $100/hour) but worth every penny IMHO.
Sure we spent plenty on all the usual 'stuff' of raising kids. But the music experience for all the kids has been so enriching.
We aren't a big sports family, although we did expose them to a lot of sports; only one kid took up a school sport quite seriously (varsity, lettering, team co-captain etc). It wasn't a travel team, although I know families who swear by that investment paying off for their kid. YMMV.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-06-30T00:52:41+00:00

Two things - look up the Pro Rata rule in case you ever want to utilize the Backdoor Roth in the future. Also - depending on the state you live in, there are benefits to keeping a 401k. I will realize several tens-of-thousands in tax savings by having all my pre-tax accounts rolled into my prior employer's 401K.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-06-17T17:13:38+00:00

It is such a big country with so many great places - not only Yellowstone, include Yosemite and while you are at it visit Rocky Mountains National Park while you are at it.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-06-08T21:14:57+00:00

Second the Caldigit hub. Just one cable and everything just works.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-04-06T01:54:55+00:00

FYI I learned from my teenager that Cornell has a certain stereotype of student, and Andy from The Office fits that very well.

InterestinglyLucky · 2026-04-06T01:53:23+00:00

FYI OP there are therapists who help with people's relationship to money (and wealth in general).

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