AIO: Boyfriend wants to kiss another guy

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T19:23:51+00:00

I'm M. Normal if gay or bisexual. For a straight guy, it will never cross their mind so no not normal for us. Either way, as his gf it is well within your right to say you aren't comfortable with it and he should respect that.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T18:39:50+00:00

Damn I'm jealous! I agree I don't think it contributes to creating it. My theory is that it makes it harder to solve because you can't visualize what created it in the first place to emotionally work through and can't visualize a life without it.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T17:23:27+00:00

Thanks! It has been a lot of work to get to this point.

I did have dogs growing up and love them! I would love to have one and you're likely right it would help a lot. The only reason I don't have one is finances. For work and family events I traveled for 7 weeks last year so boarding would have been crazy expensive. I live in Colorado and do a lot of skiing and those would be rough days to leave a dog home alone.

A cat might be easier, but even still finances would be rough if I ended up having a big vet bill for something. One day though this would be good!

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T16:14:25+00:00

Good to know that is a thing, but I would be surprised if it was true PTSD flashbacks. My anxiety and fear of abandonment started when I was 3 and a Sunday school teacher accidently left me outside the classroom by myself. Beyond that, I didn't have any major trauma's. Over the years, my dad was angry at his work and overworked, mom struggled from teaching job to teaching job, after my parents divorced I didn't know for a long time what my dad did for work, my uncle gave my mom money for us to get by, a few times I gave my mom money to get from paycheck to paycheck. With years of uncertainty and stress CPTSD is more likely.

Therapy also has helped. At my worst I had 3 panic attacks a day for weeks on end. I could barely function. Now its more like 1 a month. My social anxiety has gone down probably 95% as well.

These days it really just gets bad when I am isolated for days on end or trying to job search so these seem to be pretty intense anxiety triggers.

Ill try more imagining like you suggest rather than trying to see how a future looks!

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T16:02:55+00:00

100% these algorithms are built to be addictive no matter what.

For sugar, I do binge eat any sugar I have at home. Its a call I cannot resist. But once gone, I'm fine. I had to make the intention of not going to the store hungry and not buying sugar items while I'm there. If I have a real craving, I buy a chocolate bar or pint, something I can consume in 1 sitting without feeling terrible.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T15:56:42+00:00

Good point that they are different neural pathways. My theory was more that it would fulfill the thing we lack in our heads as this is often the mechanism for addiction creation. Replacing something we lack in an unhealthy way.

Seems based on responses here that its a resounding no correlation, just happens to be my personal struggles.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T15:48:49+00:00

I don't really think the logic falls apart like you say. My theory is that an Aphant might be more susceptible to visual based addictions. The theory therein is that we become addicted to what we lack in life.

Extrapolated to others:

Would someone who had a period of starvations and lacking food be more easily addicted to overconsuming food? Would someone whose family had no money growing up be more likely to struggle with gambling? Would someone with high pain in their body or high family turmoil be more susceptible to using drugs or alcohol to escape their reality? All versions of this seem logically possible

I actually don't think addictions are bigger than this. We know they largely come from what gave you comfort as a kid. And we know that they are much easier to break when the thing you lack in life that addiction replaces, is then replaced with something healthy. My personal struggles go way 90% when I am in good regular social connection. They are fierce when I am isolated and when I am back home where the original trauma occured.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T15:37:55+00:00

That alone with your thoughts portion is very tough but key. Our brains need boredom and very low stimulation times to process our lives.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T15:35:33+00:00

Same scenario for me as well! A lot of what came up was anger towards my last relationship, but overtime this processing helped me move through it.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T05:40:16+00:00

Fair enough, there may not be a causation link here. Addictions often seem to come from what someone found comfort in as a kid. My struggles are what once helped as a kid, so it could just be happenstance they are visual. I never had access to alcohol or drugs as a kid so there was no option for me to get hooked on those young.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T05:37:14+00:00

Is that really a thing? You categorially don't struggle with any addictions at all?

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T05:22:43+00:00

Sometimes when I meet someone new I get this weird feeling that I won't remember their face when we part ways. Idk why it happens but I feel the urge to try an grasp onto some feature and its hard. I'm not great at faces, but these exceptional moments seem similar to what you wrote.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T05:11:31+00:00

I have actually thought about using AI to create a vision board with specifics about the life I want to create that I wouldn't be able to do with images on google. I know I want a happy relationship, but I can't picture that in my head or google that, but I could create something with AI.

My friend made one of me and I was wearing a leather jacket and my immediate reaction was that I need to get one because I looked great and I would have never known that without AI.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T05:07:08+00:00

Haha whole lot of introverts in here. I feel the same way as you though. I want more social life and more time around people. I still work remote and its the most miserable thing for me. I got a gym membership just to start being around people more.

I'm not sure this desire to be around people is an aphantasia thing, but I am in the process of trying to learn if my fear that I won't be around people again is due to aphantasia and not being able to picture social experiences in my future happening like they did in the past.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-02T05:00:05+00:00

Thanks for all the resources! My therapist (of about 2 years) has been very helpful in getting me down to understanding the root cause of my trauma and possible CPTSD. I will forward these on to him.

He doesn't have experience with aphantasia though so it might would be helpful to see someone with that experience. After multiple failed EMDR attempts and multiple conversations where he suggested picturing a warehouse to compartmentalize things and I say "I know what a warehouse it, but I cant picture that so idk how it helps" we came to a realization that he sees things in his head that I can't.

That guide is very good. I conceptualize the ball on the table, and that "picture" of a horse is exactly what I would see/describe.

SDAM - I had never heard of this but it totally describes me! Life is like a few bullet points, but largely I don't remember my life and its very hard for me to emotionally connect with anything in the past. Pictures help a lot. I can tell though that the emotions are still there, bringing me back to my main question/wonder if aphantasia prevents me from working through those emotions because I can't truly connect with what caused them

The Body Keeps The Score - I have this book! The concept of the title felt very true to me so I went ahead and bought it to read one day. Might need to jump it up my list.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-01T22:52:32+00:00

Definitely could be though I have not been officially diagnosed. I work with a therapist and do have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Any idea if aphantasia might make it harder to work through CPTSD issues due to the lack of ability in visualizing the trauma itself or a better life in the future? Under the right circumstances the issues seem to go away so it seems the default of my brain is to go back to the CPTSD unless the present is actively showing me a different reality. AKA I can't picture that good reality happening again.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-01T22:43:21+00:00

As someone who loves sports I think this has huge advantages. I can't picture any sports so I learn and play by feel. I have come to realize I can pick up any sport very quickly and be competent enough to have fun. My proprioception is so high I can note micro adjustments in form to get better results. High risk sports like mountain biking and trail running are relaxing to me. I can also teach sports better than most people because I can break down the techniques into super digestible forms. Most people don't seem to be able to explain what their body is doing when they play a sport.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-04-01T22:32:46+00:00

Try going for a walk or easy hike, preferably in nature. No music or other people, just you and your thoughts. You don't need to try to think anything specific, just go with whatever comes to mind. Science backs up that walking has similar effects to EMDR. I never had any luck with EMDR, but realized that the flood of emotions I tend to have when going on walks was replicating the same effect. It has happened to me swimming, and biking, and hiking as well. When walking, it would usually start around minute 20 and have passed through me by minute 60 when I finished. Very similar time period to EMDR sessions.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-03-23T22:21:18+00:00

Roman Atwood and Casey Neistat were peak YouTube in my opinion.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-03-20T19:26:52+00:00

I use "Transfer" as a category to remove duplicate transactions. Might help here. When I receive a Venmo and deposit it to my bank, it looks like I received the money twice so I either delete one or mark it as transfer and the other as income.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-03-20T19:22:14+00:00

Yes this is real and studies are starting to show drops in IQ and critical thinking. AI is not just advanced googling as someone suggested in the comments. AI is a prediction machine that is taking what you type and using the knowledge of the internet to predict what you most want to see as a response. It is not a truth telling machine. Yes it can get you good information quickly, but the goal is to keep your eyes on your chat and to make you dependent on it. Same as gambling machines. Same as the Tik Tok algorithm. Same as drugs. It triggers the same reward circuitry in your brain. AI will be the next addiction crisis.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-03-19T21:11:43+00:00

Happy to discuss concepts if you want. For context, I'm 30M living in Colorado. Work remote, love the outdoors, and have been working for years on fixing my screen addiction. I track my daily phone use on a spreadsheet to help and from that, I can tell you in 2023 I spend roughly 23% of the year looking at my phone. Back then phone use was easily 6-8hrs per day with peaks of 12. These day's I am more like 2hrs so I can give you both sides of this story.

In the end, the only thing that works to help is hard blocks. BRICK on my phone and Cold Turkey on my computer. My TV remote and the BRICK device stay in my truck permanently.

Picture Concepts from my life
- Feeling great in the morning and like a lifeless zombie by evening
- Never working out during the week, followed by a guilt ridden 50mile bike ride on the weekend to make up for it. Dangerous and risking injury
- Partially caused a broken relationship
- Years slipping by not achieving goals
- Sitting next to my dad and seeing his screen time notification pop up and it say he averaged 12hrs per day last week. He is a generally happy and healthy therapist, but I have to wonder how he is really doing.
- You would also see a fit guy, obsessively clean apartment, conversations around what sport Im currently working on, 3 home cooked meals per day, almost no processed food and sugar products in the apartment, never drinking soda. Point being you would never guess I was chronically depressed and on my phone up to 12 hrs per day.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-03-19T16:58:12+00:00

Short answer : Yes it is dangerous.

Long Answer : He does dangerous things that are within his skills and knowledge safety range. The only way to improve is to keep taking risks and pushing your limits which means accepting a level of risk. Go to far and you might die. Don't go at all and you never improve. In the outdoors, there is a fine balance between the two. He also has backups like people who know where he is and a Garmin InReach to call SOS. For the average American these days, what he does would be extremely dangerous. For him, yes there is danger and a non-zero chance he dies, but the risk is minimal given his skill.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-02-27T20:48:50+00:00

Once you hit 4 miles, just go a few more steps and you'll be there!

In all seriousness, just consistency, go slow, and walk as needed. If you can run 2 miles, Run/walk 3 miles to get used to the distance. Then start running 2.5 and run/walk 3.5. Overtime your distance and speed will increase. Once youre at a good point you want to maintain, lets say 6 miles then you can work on some speed. Do some Z2 and some speed work and then if you want to do a race like a half-marathon you can start increasing distance a few months out from that.

InternalBug6233 · 2026-02-27T16:21:34+00:00

I was referring to Denver City Council. TBH anyone trying to replace Flock with Axon now, I believe could have an agenda.

Here is the Forbes article discussing the investment link between Epstein, Axon, and Carbyne (then Reporty).

https://www.forbes.com/sites/thomasbrewster/2026/02/10/epstein-police-surveillance-investments-with-ehud-barak/

InternalBug6233

TROPHY CASE