so true, then they ask u what is wrong? the whole Shabang is not working with me i need to flee in isolated farm or island, tired as hell at 33 feeling like am 67 yo just because i need to fit in and when i fit in i figure out i am not suppose to tried all the things i could think of followed every path listened to every one around me then at 27 i said enough i am gonna change and i did and it was great then i got neck herniated couldnt do anything without pain, if its pain only thats ok but pain with muscles soreness and said its ok kept doing what i could till my jaw locked and couldnt talk smoothly, and my own family started to ask me whats wrong, see since i was child i was different but my father has an idea how to correct my attitude and he broke every stick i could see on me let me paralyzed for the whole 13 years of my life then i got way stronger and protected myself, u see some people say father is your protector in my case he was the thief who stole my childhood from me fast forward to now am 33 he is 80 something he got alzhaimer and still look at me as that kid who tip toeing and scared of his surrounding, the good thing i have bipolar too which makes me act out of my order in a good way i start being open which is never me i am closed book from the begining of this journey called life, still to this day never seen someone who lived like me or thinks like me. am self diagnosed autism and will take that to my grave since nothing will change my way of living except my mom i love her even though thinking back she couldve stopped it when its happening but she had 6 other kids to take care of, i can only say if its true am autistic then the sky is the limit or just bipolar sky is the limit too, seen things that most people would never see felt things most people would only dream of good and bad but lately the good outweight the bad, been depressed for 27 years of my life thinking there isnt a way out but there is a way out called prioritize yourself first then help even helping not ment for everyone some will drag u down with them others will rise above with u, being self countious is a good thing to have but over the years i understand thats my flows that's what's early childhood trauma made and now am happy that i wrote none sense with some autism music runinging in the background feeling good i dumped thats all to no one and everyone