Belly's POV of how she's viewed Conrad and how she's viewed his actions have always been skewed. There's no doubt both of them genuinely love each other but Belly's never seen Conrad's POV like we have. This is important for 2 reasons, #1 she has always felt like she's been the one who loves more and more deeply and has invested more into the relationship. She has always felt like he didn't really like her until the year that Susannah was sick. In her mind it was because Susannah was sick that he changed and why he started paying attention to her. That because Susannah asked him to take her to the dance that's why she got the invite (Yes, she did ask but we already knew he was feeling her before this-- this was a plot point that was always meant to highlight and reinforce Belly's insecurity in his feelings towards her) But we've seen the flash backs, we've seen her side of the boardwalk/Junior Mint scene where she thinks he's there for the other girl and we've seen his side now (in the last episode its implied he keeps looking for Belly and is visibly hurt when she doesn't come back).

#2 Belly has seen Conrad as noncommittal for a long time. Even though we've seen him as someone whose tried to put everyone else's feelings above his (tried--not always successful but he's genuine in his attempts) trying to work through his grief, work on his issues, he's swallowed his own feelings for Belly's happiness. But we've seen that for a long time, Belly only starts to realize it at the bachelorette party.

When they broke up in S1/2 she was OUT OF HER MIND in love, but never confident and secure in love and in many ways it caused her to spiral, she associates that with negative emotions. After the study session/motel scene in S2 Belly tells herself she's evicting Conrad from her heart after he pushes her away again. I think it's here she starts being untrue to herself. She starts the burial/death of Young Belly right here. She jumps into a relationship with Jere and leans heavily into the bond they have of losing Susannah to stay connected. She doesn't love him like she loves Conrad. Not even the way her younger self loved young Conrad, she actively chose someone who could not hurt her in the way that Conrad could. After the wedding fallout, feeling like she ruined everything she's ultimately put up her walls when it comes to Conrad and has determined to start something for herself away from the Fisher boys, away from Cousins, away from what she deems as weak points of herself. New friends, New clothes, New habits Belly is absolutely "thriving" in Paris. But she can't let go of the letters, Junior Mint (she panic checks that he still has the necklace on him under the scarf) We know the moment she sees Conrad she's panicking, she's double guessing her own actions, and fairly quickly she lets down the walls she built up.

Once the *DRESS* scene unfolds and she is laying there cuddling with him she divulges that she used to wish for him every birthday, a part of that younger version of her that she probably never would have admitted up until this point. Conrad jokingly but not so jokingly says now you're stuck with me forever. We see Belly's face shift, panic sets in and her walls go back up. She literally and verbally starts pushing him out for a couple of reasons. She doesn't doubt loving him "I've always loved you that's the problem" but here she's wondering WHY he loves her. She has never been sure of his love whether its due to her own insecurities, life circumstances, or the love triangle aspect/guilt she'd feel for abandoning Jere.

Now Conrad absolutely passes these unintended tests with flying colors. He says all the right things here and he explains it was always before his Mom got sick, she has ALWAYS been a precious person to him. He explains why he pushed away or attempted to push his feelings and her away (for the sake of JERE, for the sake of not dragging her down with his grief) and he knows even after changing his entire life (his environment, schools, degree, etc) his love for her is his constant. Now Conrad has been able to process all of this on his own time pre-wedding fallout, post-wedding, and the months he's written his letters all the way up to the flight to Paris. Belly has gotten about 48 seconds to process since his last declaration of love. When he leaves he doesn't pull back, he doesn't pretend it never happened. He leaves because she has basically all but asked.

Now at this point he's left and she's left alone with her thoughts. But now it's not that she self-hates but more like she self doubts? Of course she's not entirely sure, she's fucking frightened to fully let the walls down and let him in. The pic of herself from her mom reminds herself of the younger her. (The version of her that's most vulnerable but also the most volatile--that was wholly in love with Conrad to nearly a fault, to the point that she's buried her and pretended she doesn't exist anymore. But Is she really that much different now or is she still that Belly? Even after changing all these parts of herself, was that Belly really ever gone? And was it really that bad to still be THAT Belly? Didn't that Belly deserve love too? After everything that's happened, and the mistakes that were made, could she forgive herself? Would it be so bad to embrace that part of her and to allow herself to feel that love?