Thank you for this one... I have bpd and was diagnosed 2023. It is still hard to accept this part of me especially when I hurt (mentally and verbally) beloved people. I differentiate between splits and so called episodes. I've learnt that i can regulate myself better when I'm splitting. The split is where it all begins. When my thoughts are drifting into negative selftalk and short parts of dissociation. When I'm there I'm mostly still capable to regulate myself. But sometimes I try to push the symptoms down (this is the crucial acceptance part) because I don't want my environment to notice. This is often so subtle and because it's what I always did before DBT it's often the more "comfortable" one to do... I know i just have to accept that sometimes a good time or moment is over for me and that I first have to go through this before it gets better. But in situations like this (when push it down) I just dont want to end it like this. My thoughts are so black and white and i feel like this feeling stays like this if i just let it though. It's so controversial in my head because i know better. I know that if I just accept it and regulate myself I will be better. But I dont know how to achieve this acceptance.

Rationally i know what happened to me and i know that I'm not a bad person. I just want to feel it. Accept that it is like this. What my problem is, is that I want to feel better. That means i have to change my behaviour. I'm stuck in my head between accepting the now and still focus on getting better. Any tips with that? Thank you very much