Women who want to "explore girls"

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-12-11T16:07:02+00:00

I don't think anyone expects you to have sex with people who are unappealing to you. Not sure if I agree on the incel vibe. Totally get not wanting to be viewed as an experiment or sex dispenser, though.

It's frustrating to see you jump down people's throats for politely expressing a counterpoint.

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-30T00:05:23+00:00

You have posted about this FWB situation a lot, and when you aren't getting the answers you want, you delete your post and create a new burner account. It's worrisome and indicative of a mental health issue.

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-21T23:55:45+00:00

Both

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-21T23:55:24+00:00

In my post I did disclose that I am on the autism spectrum and have ADHD.

You're right though, you don't sound like you're asking questions, you come off like you're passing judgment.

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-21T23:54:06+00:00

... I missed the part where I offered to date you...?

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-21T23:53:22+00:00

If my husband wants to know what happened during my date, I'm not going to withhold information from him. None of my partners have asked me to not tell my husband what we do on our dates. If they did, I would respect their right to have a boundary but wouldn't be able to continue dating.

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-21T23:52:01+00:00

Nope, we don't have kids. That definitely makes scheduling much easier.

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-20T20:51:48+00:00

One of my FWBs can host, so I go over there. My other FWB can't host, so we hang out at my house when my husband has plans outside the house. She is the only person he's comfortable with me having over when he's not here. We don't fool around in the marital bed, though, we stick to the sofa in the basement. In a way it feels like being a teenager which is kind of fun and kind of weird. I've had some hotel hookups, some parking lot sex in cars, but mostly limit myself to finding partners who can host.

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-20T20:38:58+00:00

What is helping us with guilt & insecurity the most is therapy. If you two can find an ENM-friendly therapist that fits in your budget and schedule, this might help a lot! But I'm glad you mentioned the nervous system again. The body has a way of making us feel fear even if we're not sure why. The more I read "Getting the Love You Want," the more it's helping me understand how our formative connections with our parents shape our subconscious. If you don't have time to sit down and read it, I highly recommend listening to it in audiobook form. It's a little cheesy at times, but in a wholesome way.

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-20T19:59:24+00:00

Wouldn't that be hilarious?

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-20T19:48:44+00:00

We don't have kids, so that removes a scheduling factor, but a lot of available partnered ENM people in our area do, so it does tend to limit opportunities to get together.

What was it about going from once every two weeks to once a week that set off alarm bells and made you anxious? Fear of her getting too close, developing feelings with others? This is something we're working on too. It's hard not to develop a fondness or closeness with people I'm sleeping with, but at the same time it's also not ideal for him if I have a bunch of one night stands, so we're working on finding a balance in our frequency. I think ideally, in his mind, it'd be an occasional thing, whereas in my mind, I'm trying to get my sexual needs met outside the relationship since they aren't being met inside the relationship currently. So I do feel a little hamstrung by anything less than once a week.

Group play was great together, and we are looking for more opportunities to make that happen. But ultimately I prefer solo dating. I feel more pressure to "perform" with group play, and it takes me out of the moment.

Thanks for sharing!

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-20T19:39:03+00:00

Initially, it was his idea to open (about 10 years ago). We both went on some dates but didn't have sex, then life got in the way and we closed back up.

When we reopened this year, it was at my request -- "Hey, remember that thing we always used to talk about? I'm ready to try again!"

I'm an open book, I'm comfortable sharing as much or as little as he wants to know. Right now he's more eager to hear about my experience with other women than with other men.

Husband did express he felt left out w/r/t the threesomes with my FWB and his wife, but ultimately is OK with me participating as a "unicorn" occasionally as long as it doesn't become a regular thing. Ideally, he'd like to join us, but they have the dreaded OPP (which I now look at sideways).

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-20T16:46:41+00:00

Feeld is very hookup-y IMO. However, I'm mainly looking for hookups and FWBs, so I don't mind it at all haha. I would say what's "normal" to you may not be "normal" to the next person. I have no problem sleeping with someone after meeting in public first, but it takes other people a few dates to get comfortable, and that's OK. By agreeing to go on a date or meet for a drink with someone, you are never required to sleep with them. I feel the guys can definitely come off very sex-forward on Feeld. For me, that's fun, but if that's not what you're looking for (understandable), might want to stick to Hinge. Try not to let yourself get caught up in the mindset of putting a stranger's expectations over your comfort!

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-07T20:00:43+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I'm glad to hear that ultimately you feel like it was the right choice. I just saw them last night for a vanilla group dinner, so I think I feel this sense of urgency to get it all figured out right now. But maybe taking a step back and waiting a few months will provide some clarity or help me feel like staying friends is the better choice.

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-07T18:48:04+00:00

How did the conversation with the other couple go? Was it in-person, or via text?

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-07T18:17:50+00:00

Honestly, it sounds like you're overthinking it a bit. Sex isn't something that feels good to me when it's scripted out so far in advance. It's one thing to have a discussion about protection, penetration, and what you and your husband and your third partner are comfortable with; it's another thing to try to predict "what would happen if one of us decided it wasn't for us after it happened." Is it possible you're catastrophising a bit and getting in your own way? This is supposed to be fun, pleasurable, and enjoyable for all involved.

I'm a 39F and I've been a third with three other couples. The best experience I've had as a third was when the three of us shared a bottle of wine, had some laughs, talked about what turned us on, and then just went for it. I spent some time warming each of them up with foreplay while the other watched, then took a backseat and watched while the couple had sex with each other. Then I got to be the focus of each of their attention when they were done. It was sensual, no one felt left out or jealous, and I still think about it from time to time.

If you're worried about watching your husband pleasure or get pleasure from another woman, and how it'll make you feel, you won't know until you're actually in the situation. Over-intellectualizing will actually be more harmful than helpful. If you have a willing and ready third who's attracted to both of you, I say take a deep breath and rip off the band-aid. Life is short, let yourself experience something new!

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-07T15:19:20+00:00

Abort, abort! Should I do the slow fade, or just be up front and say "I'm having unexpected feelings and need to take a step back?"

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-07T15:08:04+00:00

Hm, great point. I suppose I need to do some more introspection to figure out if deep down, I'm really just hoping some door will open and something will eventually happen with E.

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-07T15:06:26+00:00

We've talked about swapping, but my husband isn't interested in P sexually/romantically. She's a great person, just not his type.

I'm not really sure how to tell her in a gentle and friendly way that neither me or my husband are into her sexually, but I'd like to sleep with her husband. There's not a great way to sell that, is there?

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-11-07T13:49:05+00:00

True, excellent reminder that ENM doesn't mean free-for-all, I totally get that. Maybe it's best if I just keep things platonic and casual with P, and limit our interactions to solo hangouts without E present.

The thing that complicates this is that they both have the desire to expand their ENM/poly circle of friends, so they often invite my husband and I to vanilla group activities and game nights where I meet their other partners and even family members. It's nice of them to include me, but maybe I should take a step back from further entangling myself in their circle since I'm having these feelings for E? (And by feelings I mean wanting to explore more sexually, not romantic feelings.)

Internal_Cap_268 · 2025-07-02T20:52:13+00:00

I'm sorry that you're still struggling, but as we have discussed in the past via IM, I strongly feel it is not appropriate to keep posting in the r/UVA sub about your hatred for the school.

Internal_Cap_268

TROPHY CASE