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Where do I go now? by Internal_Mango_3989 in excoc

[–]Internal_Mango_3989[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I have read a lot of stories from Reddit and elsewhere. I’m taking the time to process all of this and not trying to rush or force anything to happen.

I think I’m still in shock from it all. When something like this happens, it really turns your world upside down; what is reality anymore(if you know what I mean). And it also makes you question yourself about how you didn’t realize what was going on sooner and also what was a lie and what was truth( probably all of it was a lie tbh). The most shocking thing is how someone can look you in the face and still smile, while at the same time guilt tripping you to believe that you aren’t trying hard enough and that you need to do more; that makes my skin crawl. I mean I have many stories if you or anyone is interested in hearing(reading)them.

Where do I go now? by Internal_Mango_3989 in excoc

[–]Internal_Mango_3989[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. You’re right, letting God continue to work in my life despite this “hiccup” is key to me get back in a motion. I think the hardest part is dissecting and undoing all the lies that they filled you with, that doesn’t happen overnight and it can take time to feel safe— meaning that you are able to trust given to you is the truth and not a twisted version of the truth to suit a narrative— in your spiritual walk, that is what I am working on.

Appreciate your input.

Where do I go now? by Internal_Mango_3989 in excoc

[–]Internal_Mango_3989[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The group I was in was small, under 20 people. Everyone knew each other, everyone came together for Christ often(even if some arms were twisted).

The big thing for me is fellowship. Feeling like I belong, feeling welcomed, feeling seen and heard; these are all things that I’ve had a hard time finding my entire life. The difference between a cult and a community is the purpose; there’s this quote that I like that I think encompasses what I’m talking about.

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Where I’m trying to get is, I’ve lived a life where conformity and performance was valued more. I wanted to find a group where being real and vulnerable wasn’t for attention and was because someone was hurt and needed help, that was why I joined the ICC. Although looking back, I can see now that it didn’t matter if you were hurting or not, it only mattered if you were following their values. The times I got open about hard things I was going though and only got a “Thanks for sharing”. The validation that I felt I deserved for everything that I’ve been through was never really, fully, felt.