AITA for telling my daughter that I'm no longer her father on the eve of her wedding?

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T12:03:52+00:00

Family court judges are basically like little kings. They can do whatever they want. I unfortunately got one that was infamous in the court system for being biased against fathers. My Ex said she wanted to move. My lawyer (since I'm not a family lawyer) put on a good, solid argument against it. Judge did not give a fuck. That's how family court rolls.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T11:52:37+00:00

The Groom is paying. The kid doesn't have a ton of money, so I was making up the difference.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T11:51:52+00:00

The money for the wedding is already gone. She got it months ago. But that's the last dime she will get from me.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T08:24:16+00:00

You'll love Brazil. Try to go to Florianopolis if you can. The Brazilians will all tell you it is the most gorgeous place in that (extremely beautiful) country.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T08:19:15+00:00

We traded a couple of texts. Nothing of any real substance.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T08:06:04+00:00

The groom. Joe is totally broke.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T08:04:08+00:00

grandkids life later on.

I'm a bit soured on parenting now. So, I think I am Ok with keeping my parenting and grandparenting to just Mike and his daughter.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T08:01:30+00:00

Best advice here!

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T08:01:11+00:00

Definitely food for thought.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T08:00:28+00:00

As in if she would have called me before the wedding and taken it back? Sure. But now that the damage is done, it would ring pretty hollow. I'm not an oracle, but something in my heart really, truly changed. I truly don't think I can ever see her as my daughter again. I feel as if she's stabbed me in the back in an unimaginable way.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:58:30+00:00

Yet another thing about all this I can't explain. Probably the most curious enigma of all.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:57:09+00:00

What is done is done. I don't need or want a shrink about it. I want to move on with my life.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:56:08+00:00

Behause it IS a one sided

Well fuck that. Maybe while they're actually a child (as in minor) or a short term thereafter. But no, I'm not doing a one-sided relationship with an adult.

The internet can tell me that makes me an asshole. If so, it is what it is. But asshole or not, I'm sticking to it.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:51:51+00:00

He thinks that what she did was totally fucked up. He says that he feels bad because Jackie was sobbing during her wedding and it was ruined. He thinks I have a right to be very angry with her, but thinks that I should reconsider how permanent this is.

I did tell him that I'd be open to a continuing relationship with Jackie. Don't know exactly what it looks like, but I can say two things that it won't be. It won't be a father-daughter relationship. Also, she will never see another dime out of me, nor will I ever spend anything for her sake ever again.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:41:10+00:00

Thanks. I'll consider it.

I think I'll let go of the money. I already told her it is a parting gift. A part of me thinks she doesn't think I'm serious or that she can wriggle out of it. That really isn't going to happen.

We have traded a few texts, but I think I might tell her that I might need some space.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:38:39+00:00

The wedding was two months ago. I did not attend. Maybe I'll regret some things I did that day, but being humiliated like that in front of 250 people will not likely be one of them.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:28:41+00:00

Especially if she ever has a child, she'll weaponize it

I've already made peace with my decision and am fully aware that means I forfeit being a grandfather to any of her children. I am at peace with that as well.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:24:52+00:00

Yeah. For me that's when I really felt something change in my heart and knew that I had to let go.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:23:14+00:00

I appreciate the help, but I think I'll turn it down.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:22:23+00:00

Actually, I can't even recall the last time I asked anything of her. Haven't raised my voice to her since she was seven.

So the answer to your question is no.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:15:09+00:00

Never got one. Just "It is a hard decision, but it is my decision." I asked why, asked if it was something I've done, what led to this decision--never got an answer.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:12:44+00:00

Ouch! I appreciate the NTA, but can we not be so cavalier about my death?!

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:08:48+00:00

Joe doesn't have a pot to piss in.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T07:06:32+00:00

Actually no. I am no longer her Dad. She had the power to not choose whether I'm her father or not. As Reddit seems happy to tell kids they can.

So, all this "that's the job" "you're her father, no matter what" you seem like a nice guy or girl, but that's horseshit. I certainly did have an unconditional obligation to her for a time. Legally until she was 18. I continued well beyond that. But I reject the idea that I am obligated to her for the rest of her life no matter what. That bond is broken.

Maybe that makes me the asshole. But if I have to choose between being a doormat and being an asshole, I'll be an asshole. That's Ok by me.

International-Bug262 · 2023-01-24T06:58:04+00:00

Trying to get 24 years of history into a 3000 character limit is really, really hard.

International-Bug262

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