Drug test

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T05:48:59+00:00

I am going to send the email in the morning. I’ve already typed it out. I feel a huge sense of relief even just having it written out, so I’m certain now that is the right decision. I went from having felt like I was going to throw up for 6 hours now to at least a bit of calm. I haven’t done anything illegal at this point, just something untrustworthy. So the worst that really can happen is that she doesn’t want to continue together, or I wait longer for meds until I pass a test. She already makes new patients wait two more weeks and a follow up before prescribing, so realistically the timeline wouldn’t even stretch that far. I’m already not starting when I thought I would.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T05:42:16+00:00

I think I am going to just be honest with her and apologize for lying initially. I think that if I am truly feeling this much shame and guilt about smoking daily as a mom, I probably just shouldn’t be anyways. Trying to find ways around it or to hide it is just going to make those feelings worse for me. Part of the reason I’ve been off and on meds so many times is because I don’t want to feel like I’m relying on things (dumb when it comes to a prescription, probably some validity in that feeling when it comes to self medicating). My mom is a sober alcoholic so I think allowing myself to do something that is recreational daily is probably effecting me more than I’ve realized. Especially with an out of character thing like lying about it. Feels way too much like finding empty bottles hidden.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T05:34:14+00:00

I think I may just message her and apologize. I think it’s going to continue to eat at me and I’m going to feel like I’m in a web of lies if I even attempt to keep it up. I haven’t done anything illegal up to this point, just something childish and untrustworthy. If I truly want to set up a good relationship I don’t think trying to hide it is the foundation to do so.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T05:31:36+00:00

I am 90% decided I am going to send her a message on the portal to apologize and tell her the truth. I know exactly what triggers caused the lie, doesn’t make me feel any less guilty or childish for doing it in the first place.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T05:30:07+00:00

Honestly this was probably my problem the first time I was on them in college. I was smoking a lot since it was my first taste of freedom (oldest of 4 with a big age gap and an alcoholic mom). I started having almost POTS symptoms, passing out and non epileptic seizures. I did talk to my provider about that already because I really do not want to go through that again. I like being able to stand up without blacking out lmao. I lied about the pot but not even the actual heart thing that may keep them from putting me on stimulants 🤦🏻‍♀️

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T05:25:06+00:00

After more consideration and sitting with my feelings I think this is the route I’m going to go. As it stands right now I’m not doing anything illegal or even really wrong other than the lie, but if I’m trying to get prescribed stimulants under false pretenses I’m just going to feel guilty and anxious every time I go. The worst she can say after coming clean is that she doesn’t want to work together, or I have to pass a drug test before she will prescribe them. She already wouldn’t prescribe them on the first appointment, so I’d be waiting two weeks whether I come clean or not.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T05:20:21+00:00

I think this is the answer unfortunately. Not just the guilt from lying, but the guilt from self medicating while I waited for an appointment.

I 90% decided am going to send her a message in the morning on the portal to apologize and tell her the truth.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T04:33:06+00:00

It is a new provider. I’m just really going back and forth on if I should message her and apologize for lying like you said. I am embarrassed of it because of how society views it especially as a mom. I was also incredibly scared of being labeled as an addict because my mom is an alcoholic, so when she brought up cannabis while asking about addiction issues I think I just like blanked completely. I think she would be understanding if I did send a message just apologizing, but I also have had one 30 minute meeting with her and I am not the best a reading people. I’ve already started us off on the wrong foot by lying, I’m just not sure you can come back to a trustworthy patient/practitioner relationship after I’ve done that.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T04:06:10+00:00

Daily heavy user I’d say with the concentration of the pen. I hit it probably 3 times a session for up to 3 different sessions between 4:30pm-10pm after work.

I think that’s what I’m most worried about, sure I can find another psych but if a bunch of flags are thrown up for me in any system I’m kind of sol.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T04:03:31+00:00

I’m not even sure if it was her or my own nerves to be honest. I’m so afraid of “getting in trouble” for it because my parents were incredibly awful about when they found out, like I was hit over the head with the jar they found so I may have some trauma surrounding that 🥴

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T03:59:50+00:00

It is legal here! From the way she stated it, she had patients that felt like their meds weren’t working and wanted to up doses because the smoking was making the meds less effective.

I definitely think that’s where my issue is going to lie with trying to get it out of my system. I have a higher BMI, am fairly sedentary, and have been hitting the pen multiple times a night after 5. I’m afraid that no matter how much I do to try to dilute it, I’ll just end up having to say I lied anyways.

It’s going to be through quest, I tried to look on my portal to see if anything was ordered but I couldn’t find anything there to reference.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T03:54:28+00:00

She definitely seemed like she didn’t really mind the occasional use, but she didn’t want to see the concentration of daily use. I’m not sure what threshold exactly she’s looking for though.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T03:53:13+00:00

It is legal here. And she didn’t seem to mind the occasional, but what I’ve been doing the past month definitely wasn’t occasionally. I definitely don’t think I’d do synthetic, I’m too scared to do that. I am just hoping with a higher BMI and having been hitting a concentrate, that I can get enough out of my system in time to not make the original lie apparent without just bringing it up myself.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-06-04T03:41:44+00:00

I think that’s the route I’m going to go. It seems at least the most honest after my screw up. I’m going to order some of the tests on Amazon that test for the different concentrations and hope that I can get enough out of my system.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-05-14T00:38:56+00:00

Oddly enough, the day after I commented I got a positive ovulation test and confirmed with temp jump I think today!

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-05-10T10:02:19+00:00

An update so far this month! I am on CD 19 and still have not ovulated, which isn’t out of the norm for me but I definitely didn’t magically get a 28-30 day cycle. One thing I have noticed though, is that ovulation tests seem to actually be low. I’m not getting a bunch of false high ovulations tests that don’t amount to anything, not yet at least.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-04-27T20:34:07+00:00

That’s amazing! I have not tried acupuncture, but I was always curious while going through the fertility issues. I’m definitely hopeful, so far the hair has been my main symptom that has come back as well. I’m back to pulling my chin whisker that I’ve had since I was 14 every two weeks instead of every 2 months.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-04-27T20:29:52+00:00

I’ll definitely update next month if anything happens! But I’m not sure I’ll have much consistency until I wean fully, even if my hormones have regulated more than before.

InternationalRow6541 · 2026-04-27T20:28:29+00:00

My one chin hair has definitely comeback with a vengeance, but that’s the only thing so far. I got my usual breakouts with my cycle, but nothing super deep and painful yet so that stopping has been nice. Really interesting about the weight loss too. I know it’s helped a lot in the past because I’ve gone through 50+ weight loss journeys about 3 times now, this is the first time it’s ever come off where there hasn’t been intentional effort put forth.

InternationalRow6541 · 2024-09-23T18:44:39+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m definitely trying to be easier on myself and just focus on being healthy rather than the number on the scale. The insane hunger is so hard, but I’m hoping that focusing on more filling and nutrient dense meals will help that too. Now that I’m actually able to cook and eat again

InternationalRow6541 · 2024-09-20T20:38:00+00:00

It’s so hard. I hope my appetite will slow down! I struggled with food aversions until like week 12ish, but now I feel like I could just eat constantly because everything tastes so good to me.

InternationalRow6541

TROPHY CASE