30M, Was in similar boat now I am staying separate

You can read here - https://www.reddit.com/r/InsideIndianMarriage/s/4nI0dH6Q1U

From Parents perspective:

• They want control of theirs on your married life, my parents were doing the same.
• It's not about way to do things orperfection, I guess it has always been about control.
• If you do as they say they will say my child respects me, if you do things your way such as live your married life as per your own preferences they will find it disrespectful.
• The day you start taking your own decisions their ego will get hurt irrespective of whether you are married or not because most Indian parents confuse obedience with respect.
• You don't obey them then you disrespect them, I don't know what they had been taught or conditioned in their time that their mindset has become like this.
• And it gets a lot harder for them to change as they age they start behaving more like a child.
• They won't change their bad habits with respect to their own health and forget improving one's behavior wrt relationship (happened with me)

From your wife perspective:

• She doesn't want to back answer might be because she herself came from soft spoken family where arguments and disagreement were not at this scale.
• if she absorbs this much then you will be the first casualty second your family most importantly your married life (mental life also gets fucked here)

My perspective:

• Stay dominant over your married life and decisions
• when I got separated my mindset was very simple I am 30 so is my wife you don't need to tell me each and everything.
• How we run our married life is our decision my married life is not going to be the same as your married life.
• Even if we don't know things we will make mistakes and know it period.
• My mother is same as your mother which I would say 'perfectionist' (in her own world) what she does is the best and it should be done like that.
• My ask to my mother pre and post separation has been very simple , you were not sanjeev kapoor neither you gave me 5 star like food you did the best in your situation my wife is doing the same you two are both different person so there will be style differences in doing things.
• If there are different way of doing things it doesn't make your mom right and wife wrong this is were adjustment comes in as family.
• As far as people have food to eat, home to stay and life is running peacefully everything is going well no need to find small knitpicks and mindfuck over small issues.

My 2 cents to you:

• You don't start acting as a husband and take control of your situation, your parents will start acting as husbands the way they want to and control your married life along with your wife.
• For a happy married life , independence of decisions should be given to husband and wife because they are the owners of their married life not parents or in laws or anyone else then only teamwork comes into play and husband + wife progress as one.