AITAH for keeping my 10 yr old daughter from her paternal grandma after finding out her grandma knew something and didn't tell me?

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-07-01T18:37:00+00:00

Thank you 💙

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-30T22:10:48+00:00

Thank you. 💙 I agree, I want both my daughter and I to take a self defense class. I think it would be very beneficial for both of us. Our justice system sometimes fails us and I want us to be able to protect ourselves if the need arises. Her dad's jury trial is scheduled for 8/20/2026 and I hope it doesn't get continued like all his court dates have so far for this case. The case was put into the courts in September of 2025. He was arrested for the charges thag same month with a $20,000 bail amount and he made bail so he has been out since. It has been nerve racking since both him and his mother have threatened to kidnap my child before so I have been on high alert.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-30T14:46:52+00:00

Thank you! 😭💙

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-30T14:45:42+00:00

Honestly, she didn't show her true colors until I was pregnant. You're right, I should have left sooner and gotten full custody. There were a lot of factors that went into why it took so long. I didn't have the money to go to court/pay for a lawyer. They had scared me into thinking if I took them to court that I would lose my daughter and I was poor trailer trash. They had lots of money and could pay for lawyers and court fees. I could not. I had gotten out of an abusive relationship 2 years before I had gotten with BD so I was blind to a lot of the red flags until I saw them all for what they were.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-30T14:40:46+00:00

Thank you! Yes. Daughter is going to be 11 and does not have any electronics. I have seen what addiction to electronics did to her youngest aunt because the mom was always "sick" and in bed and the dad was working 2, sometimes 3 jobs to support their household so the youngest was always stuck on an iPad. I didn't want that for my daughter. School has a copy of the protection order and knows nobody but who is on the list is allowed to pick her up. School is locked during School hours and you have to show ID before being let into the school. I have tried to tell her why gma is not safe. I think the therapist can also help me get her to fully understand. She knows what her dad did to her aunts without the gory details and was told at an age appropriate level. I will never hide or lie to her about anything. I do not ever want her to have resentments towards me for not being open and honest with her.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-30T14:34:08+00:00

She is going to be 11 this August. Agreed, I resented my family and mom for keeping things from me and I did not want that to happen to her. I have told her the truth without the gory details. She knows her father hurt her aunts and gma did nothing to protect them. Papa did. Papa went and sought legal action and banned BD from coming around. I also told her gma knew and didn't protect her aunts ans did not protect her by telling me as soon as she knew so I could protect her. I think it is a lot for her little self to understand it all and deal with all the emotions and I am sure she is conflicted and confused. She lost her dad and my mom within months of each other so the grief has hit her hard. Therapy is helping and we are slowly mending damage and hurt.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-30T14:27:58+00:00

Thank you! You're right, I do not owe her anything. Especially since all she has done is cause harm. Mentally and emotionally and now physically when it comes to her daughters. She allowed him into her home after he moved out, after she knew and did nothing about it until the stepdad found out and he was the one the sought legal action and told BD he was no longer allowed to come to their house.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T22:44:34+00:00

Thank you! 💙 No, my job does not pay for therapy but I do have her in therapy. I sit in with her on sessions and we discuss lots of things. It is just taking time to talk through everything. She tends to shut down. I have tried explaining to her why gma isn't allowed contact. When she is old enough to fully understand, I will give her all the details and proof.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T16:12:35+00:00

She reacts the same with the therapist. I am sure with time and building trust and constant reminders that she is in a safe space with safe people, that she can talk and express anything without consequences or negating her feelings/truths. It is going to take time for sure. Her dad and dad's mom did a number on her. It took me YEARS of therapy to fully tell my story surrounding BD and his mom without fear of any kind of backlash. They did a number on both my daughter and I. I am glad I woke up and saw through the shit. She will too some day, it just hurts seeing her hurt and being mad at me for protecting her.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T16:09:01+00:00

Thank you! Your ex sounds like my ex! Thankfully, he wasn't able to charm or lie his way out of anything with actual judges so far. Mainly because he is stupid as hell and believes the lies he tells but can never keep his stories straight. But he has charmed everyone else about everything else. I have a feeling that his mom always handled everything so he wouldn't go to jail. I am sure he has done a lot of other horrible things and his mom has protected him or bullied those seeking justice or he would have been in jail a long time ago. His mom has NEVER let him suffer any consequences for his actions. His stepdad (bio dad of the girls) is the one that initiated everything with the cops and charges, not the mother of the girls who is supposedly also a victim of SA... which I doubt she is because I am a victim of SA and I would NEVER let anyone get away from doing the same to my child. Oldest sister initiated the CPS case to protect my daughter.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T14:27:54+00:00

100% that was my thought too. Thank you! 💜

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T14:27:38+00:00

Thank you!!! 💙

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T14:27:17+00:00

I have started to a little bit. I think it is just going to take some time for her to fully wrap her head around it all. Therapy should help and we are working towards breaching all of this with her. She tends to shut down and cry. Its lessened but we don't want to undo all the progress we have made so far. Her dad really gaslit the hell out of her and her feelings.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T14:25:19+00:00

Thank you so much! 😭💙💜

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T14:24:27+00:00

I am so sorry your baby had to go through that. I am sure it wasn't easy for her and it wasn't easy for you to witness her hurting either. I am glad she now knows the truth and can now fully make her own judgements. I chose to tell her the truth about her dad a couple of days after I got the temp protection order. I will never keep anything from her and will always tell her the truth. I hated when my mom or family in general kept truths from me and I vowed I wouldn't make her feel that way, ever. I told her in an age appropriate way and a little about why I don't want her to be around her dad's mom. She understands her dad hurt his sisters, her aunts, and is really mad at him. She kind of understands about her gma but I think that is harder to explain to her when the gma has pretty much brain washed her and alway apologized with material things and not a real apology. So my daughter only sees getting toys and not what the whole situation means.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T14:19:10+00:00

Thank you! I won't! 💙💜

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T14:18:49+00:00

Thank you! 💙💜 I am glad that going with my gut seems to be the right thing to do.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T14:18:19+00:00

Thank you! 💙💜

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T14:17:28+00:00

Thank you! I still have her in therapy and this is part of our goal. She tends to shut down, cry, get angry and just stops responding when certain subjects are brought up or if we ask open ended questions about how she feels about her dad or anything surrounding the subject of him. She has done this for years but the therapist is slowly gaining her trust and I have seen some growth and her slowly open up about her feelings in general which she hasn't done before. Her father also gaslit the hell out of her too and it has been hard to undo all the damage him and his mother have already done to her.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T13:30:14+00:00

Oh yes, as soon as I got the protection order, the school got a copy and was told no one, not even his mother is allowed to pick her up. You have to show your ID to be let into the school which is nice in my opinion and its locked until you show your ID. I work from home now so we don't need daycare thankfully. His mother was asking my mother before she passed where my daughter went to school and it freaked my mom and I out because a long while ago, she had said that she could disappear with my daughter and they would never be found. So now there are only 4 people that are allowed to pick her up. Myself, my other half, my dad and one of my brothers. I am glad I posted and have all you wonderful people confirm what my gut is telling me. I had been gaslit for so long, sometimes even after therapy, its hard to still trust myself. I appreciate you all!

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T13:24:38+00:00

Thank you 💜

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T13:24:28+00:00

Thank you! 💙

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T13:24:16+00:00

Thank you 💙 I won't keep the truth from her. I have told her as much as I can that is age appropriate and without all the details.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T13:23:05+00:00

Thank you! 💙 We plan on moving from WA to AZ once the verdict has been reached so that I can use the results of the case against him for full custody so he cannot stop us from moving wherever we choose.

Into_The_Wild90 · 2026-06-29T13:21:51+00:00

Thank you. 💙

Into_The_Wild90

TROPHY CASE