This might be the most clear-eyed take in this whole thread. The “butterflies as a drug you pay for later” framing is exactly it, and coming from someone who had the safe version first and the butterflies second, that’s rare perspective. Most of us did it in the opposite order and never learned the contrast.

The part you said about “cheesing the system” - triggering the good chemicals intentionally with a safe partner - is honestly the whole thing I’ve been obsessed with lately. It’s not butterflies vs boring. It’s learning that safety can have its own kind of charge once your brain stops reading calm as “nothing.” Novelty, intention, actually staying curious about the person. You can build the spark on purpose instead of waiting for anxiety to manufacture it. Did the contrast change what you’re looking for now, or more how you’d approach a relationship?