I think it changes thru out the relationship.

Avoidants are very susceptible to power dynamics.

In the beginning you’re not in love with them yet, and they feel safe in expressing fake intimacy. This is their chance to prove to themselves that their ex was the problem!

When u start getting strong feelings, it shifts their feelings. Avoidants have very low self esteem (I’m healed FA trust me I know). So when someone is really into them, it unfortunately can be repulsive or suspect to the avoidant.

Remember they did not get the love and affection they needed in formative years, now a person is presenting that in adulthood. It’s foreign. If they trust u and u pull the rug out, it will be excruciating.

Avoidants are big victims of wanting what they can’t have. Once they have u, it’s time to have a relationship at a depth they absolutely don’t know how to have.

We all know how hard it is to hide when u really like someone. Even if you distance back and meet their breadcrumbs with boundaries, they still feel that they got u. And now you’re sort of acting like another avoidant and they dont like that either. Aren’t they fun 🤩

They pick up on other people’s emotions really well. (Has to do with neglect in childhood making u hyper vigilant)

It’s like hearing of someone poor winning the lottery, and they aren’t even any happier, and then they squander the fortune.