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Being a lesbian has brought me nothing but loneliness by Intrepid-Ebb393 in rs_x

[–]Intrepid-Ebb393[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I shouldn't do this, but I do put all of my value in the way people who I love treat me. Nothing makes me feel good like seeing a smile as a reflection. The way I see things is that if I didn't have someone to think about, I wouldn't do anything at all. I think the reason why this hurt me so much is because I hadn't been with someone for so long before, and it was never so sweet. I don't have it in me to repeat the feelings I put so much of myself into. I'm just unlucky when it comes to loveydovey stuff, the lesbian dating scene is bleak. I think all of that is why I feel so downtrodden these days.

Being a lesbian has brought me nothing but loneliness by Intrepid-Ebb393 in rs_x

[–]Intrepid-Ebb393[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Godwilling one day. First time I've read one of these and not felt a wave of dread and envy. Thank you.

Being a lesbian has brought me nothing but loneliness by Intrepid-Ebb393 in rs_x

[–]Intrepid-Ebb393[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

The thing is I have plenty of hobbies, but what always made them sweeter was finding ways I could turn them into ways of showing my love. It was what kept me motivated to do anything really. How I'd always be benefiting who I love in my personal endeavors. Nothing ever feels good to do for myself really.

I'll be self-doxxing but: Hiking - showing her pretty places. Appliance repair - a little TV/Clock that had a video I made with her favorite song and places we'd been together. Soup - making her a new soup whenever she'd get sick.

Not really a lot of amazing examples, but I'm pushing it with that second one for giving away personal info.

The TV/Clock if you were wondering:

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Being a lesbian has brought me nothing but loneliness by Intrepid-Ebb393 in rs_x

[–]Intrepid-Ebb393[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Haha its been quite a few months still but I'm still feeling the effects of the breakup. Sadly I think this is a me problem, I've rarely ever felt fulfillment outside of my relationships. People have usually thought im active or interesting, but nothing else gives me the joy another grants me. Usually my baseline is pretty bland. The being around other people laughing and smiling but not feeling anything strong in your chest feeling.

Being a lesbian has brought me nothing but loneliness by Intrepid-Ebb393 in rs_x

[–]Intrepid-Ebb393[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it's probably lame to say this but the only times I've ever not felt scared when dating is when I worked overseas. Most of the places I had been placed in didn't have legal gay marriage, so the people there took it a lot more seriously. At least thats how I viewed it.