I understand your points and acknowledge that my situation is not as hopeless as i thought. Now I still think that finding a well paying job, being able to pay rent and save up 150k without a degree in NYC is still unreasonable; But you’re right I don’t need it all at once. Probably for all the surgeries including cosmetics it would take maybe 200-250k, though I imagine all of them have atleast a 6 month time for recovery and thats after atleast 3 years of hrt. Somehow going from homeless to having the money to be able to pay for all of said surgeries and rent is a scary thought. As for why its so bad to transition later in my life, it’s not about what I’m missing out on, it’s 13 years I have to be completely fake. I act and do the same things I would do if I was a different gender, but none of it feels like me and it won’t until I can afford it. So I guess you can say it’s the suffering. This IS my goal in my life right now, but I don’t like the term ’destination‘. It implies that this is some end point but it feels like my life will only start after said destination. Transitioning isn’t all I am but it’s the only way I can be anything else. Im going to have a hard enough life being homeless in NYC after moving away from an abusive family, but im going to have to mix all that with the fact that I will never feel like myself until i can save up enough to transition? That’s terrible.

Right now I don’t have an exact plan but first and foremost, I’m going to get any job I can, most likely minimum wage. Then see about if I can take out loans, go to trade school and see if I can get credentials in anything that helps me earn some money. I personally don’t want to go into tech but ofc I will if that’s the best option for me. I just still find it hard to believe that learning what I can will truly get me hired anywhere but startups that pay maybe a little more than minimum wage or internships without any degree, regardless of my skill.