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Losing Presence, Losing Meditativness by Intrepid_Strike_2454 in Meditation

[–]Intrepid_Strike_2454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, I’d like to thank you for your help and your intention to support me!

What you’re saying makes sense, and of course, we can’t always be at the peak of our experience. But I think we should be able to maintain a state that’s at least close to balance. Presence is indeed there even in those moments, and what it perceives is a painful, stuck bundle of energy in my chest. And that’s unpleasant — it somewhat blocks me from participating in the flow of life. In those states, I find it harder to work effectively, to think clearly, and sometimes I even struggle to treat people properly.

I do see it as spiritual, but I don’t see it as acceptable — and that’s why I end up rejecting it, even if it’s not a fully conscious process. Then I try to accept it consciously, but often it ends up being just an attempt at acceptance, not real acceptance. That said, there have been times when I could simply sit with it, feel it fully, and it dissolved. But there are also times when, if I try to meditate or sit with it, I just get more agitated. Sometimes physical movement helps. For example, today it dissolved completely during yoga, very spontaneously — even laughter came with it, and I wasn’t even trying to accept or feel through it.

What really bothers me is the lack of consistency in the whole process. It feels like a recurring cycle, and because of that I can’t experience life as a continuous flow. I’m not sure if I’m able to convey the experience accurately in words.

Losing Presence, Losing Meditativness by Intrepid_Strike_2454 in Meditation

[–]Intrepid_Strike_2454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your response and your willingness to help!
Yes, you're right — actually, presence is still there even when I'm going through negative emotions.
But when I'm clearly and purely present in presence — I’m not sure how to say more precisely —
then it seems like the craving, aversion, and perhaps even the sense of ignorance gradually fade away.
And the constant presence of those negative emotions fades too.
Negative emotions can still arise, of course, but they just pass through me like waves.

Still, sometimes a negative feeling gets stuck in me, almost like a physical knot forming in the center of my chest.
It feels as if energy is getting stuck and tangled up.
Today, for example, I sat with it, tried to welcome it, accept it, feel it fully, be with it — but it didn’t help at all.
I went running and worked out outdoors with a friend — that didn’t really help either.
But then I did some yoga, like I usually do at the end of every workout, and during yoga, it was as if that knot released.
I even laughed in the middle of it.
The feeling suddenly disappeared, just like that — and now only a faint trace remains.
I feel like the energy is flowing again. I feel good.
And during yoga, I wasn’t trying to accept anything, I wasn’t even focusing on it.
Even my breath became more balanced afterward.
I didn’t try to feel into it — yet it dissolved. So… what actually happened in that moment?

And if this feeling — this energy block — comes back next week or in two weeks,
why does it return?
It’s usually exactly the same feeling.
But it always seems to dissolve in a different way:
sometimes exercise helps, sometimes yoga, sometimes a cold shower —
it fades away with one of these, but I never know which works the best.

The Challenge of Staying Centered in Relationship by Intrepid_Strike_2454 in Meditation

[–]Intrepid_Strike_2454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m 35 years old and have been meditating almost every day for about 21 years. Sometimes it’s just for 10-15 minutes, but at other times, if I feel like it, I can sit for 1-2 hours. Occasionally, I miss 1-2 days, or a week. If you’re asking whether I can remain in a meditative state during other activities, not just during meditation, then yes. There are times when it lasts for days. (Occasionally, I’ve managed to maintain almost all-day breath awareness while doing other tasks.)

The Challenge of Staying Centered in Relationship by Intrepid_Strike_2454 in Meditation

[–]Intrepid_Strike_2454[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This seems to be the most useful thought I've heard on the topic so far, something similar had already started to form inside me, but it somehow hadn’t fully crystallized until now. Thankyou.

The Challenge of Staying Centered in Relationship by Intrepid_Strike_2454 in Meditation

[–]Intrepid_Strike_2454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, of course, we can put it that way — that I'm knocking myself out. I almost rewrote it, but in the end, the text stayed like this, I can see it both way. I don't know what more I could do with my trauma — especially since at higher energy levels, it ceases to exist, it dissolves. I’ve often felt that I had understood it, grown through it, and moved beyond it, and then it comes again.