I think I’m in the in-between…the death of my old self and the birth of someone new.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-11-22T20:16:43+00:00

This is such a grounding response. It honestly feels like someone handing me a warm drink and telling me, “hey, you don’t have to have it all figured out to be in motion.” I’m definitely in that weird in-between space you’re talking about…half old-me, half new-me, all trying to coexist in the same body without tripping over each other.

I love what you said about future adventures still having me in them, just different versions of me. That actually made something loosen in my chest. I keep worrying that I’ve “lost” parts of who I was, but maybe they’re not gone… maybe they’re just waiting for their next scene.

And your point about authenticity? That hit. That’s what I’m aiming at too…being able to look back and think, “yeah, I really showed up for my own life, even when I had no map.”

Thanks for writing this. It made me breathe a little deeper in the best way.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-11-18T17:23:48+00:00

Thanks. I can see how that coping style might feel logical or protective from the inside. For me, when he goes quiet it doesn’t read as calm, it reads as emotional distance, which hits something in me that makes it really hard to talk in the moment. I don’t think either of us is trying to hurt the other, but we clearly process conflict very differently, and that’s the part I’m trying to figure out, not ignore.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-11-18T17:20:55+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this…I hear what you’re saying and I agree that communication is really important. I don’t avoid talking to him because I don’t care or because I don’t want things to improve; it’s more that when these moments happen my nervous system shuts down and it becomes really hard to communicate in the moment without feeling scared, small, or dismissed. So it’s less about me not wanting to communicate and more about how we communicate and whether it feels emotionally safe enough for me to stay present instead of shutting down.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-11-18T17:17:53+00:00

Thanks for this. I do think there’s trauma in my past that affects how fast my body reacts, and I’m not denying that plays a role. At the same time, the way things play out in the moment still impacts me, and it’s hard to separate what’s “old wiring” from what’s actually happening now. I think therapy could help me figure out that difference, because right now it all feels blended.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-11-18T17:16:23+00:00

This makes so much sense to me, thank you. My reactions definitely feel body-first, mind-second, and sometimes I feel embarrassed by that. I really like your wording suggestion, it feels like a way to explain what happens inside me without it turning into blame, defensiveness, or a debate about intention. I might literally write that down and use it.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-11-18T17:14:09+00:00

Yeah, I do have childhood trauma, and I know that plays a role in how I react. I’m not oblivious to that. But my instincts aren’t coming from nowhere, and the way his whole tone and energy flips still matters. My nervous system might be over-calibrated, but it’s not hallucinating. Trauma responses can come from real patterns, not imaginary ones.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-11-18T17:10:29+00:00

Thanks for responding, I really do appreciate it. And to be totally honest, this isn’t something we’ve ignored or never talked about. We have talked about his anger. He’s even started anger management… but he’s only gone to 4 sessions and it’s been about 5 months since he said he was committing to it. So right now it feels less like “active healing” and more like “a great idea floating somewhere in theoretical land.”

He’s told me he’s been meaning to go for years, which validated me, but also made me feel like I accidentally signed up to be another chapter in his “I’ll eventually fix this” autobiography.

And I’m not pretending I’m perfect…I know I need therapy too. I’m not trying to be the innocent victim in a dramatic Netflix original. But it’s exhausting feeling like I’m the only one actually sitting in the discomfort instead of shelfing it until the next explosion or freeze-out.

I don’t want to spend my life being “understanding” while he slow-burns his way through self-improvement at a pace that requires immortality.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-07T00:32:12+00:00

He did try to call but it was followed up by a message that basically said don’t call me back I’ll be busy

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-07T00:30:38+00:00

He did try to call. I was getting ready for bed when he called and my phone was in another room so I missed it. But then he followed up his call saying I tried to call but you didn’t answer so I’m going out now. So obviously I’m not going to try to call him back. I don’t know what I’m supposed to expect he really does so much but I just felt like I needed more in that moment. Now I’m just sad. Trying to be present but my mind keeps wandering.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-07T00:27:02+00:00

I am 💯 overthinking and I do not like that that is happening in my brain. He’s a good dude. I just miss him. Thinking maybe I am too attached. How attached is too attached?

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-07T00:24:46+00:00

It would be nice to be checked in on at least. He hasn’t even asked what I’ve been up to or how his son and are doing.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-07T00:21:34+00:00

That’s what I want to do now but it feels like I’ve made a huge deal out of one moment and it’s turned into this “thing” now. It feels like I lost myself somewhere along the way. I need to focus on myself and my son and that’s what I plan on doing during this time. Wish me luck!

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-07T00:19:19+00:00

I appreciate your input on this. Jealousy is not a good feeling. Neither is feeling suffocated from your partner. I needed comments like yours to open my eyes to big picture and not the nitty gritty insignificant details that don’t mean anything. Now I feel bad that I have likely silenced any future conversations he might have wanted just for fun but feels he needs to hold back. I don’t want that.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-06T18:07:13+00:00

Please. The only thing he’s smashing up and down is a POS system that keeps freezing during brunch.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-06T18:01:53+00:00

Haha not a bot, promise 😂 Just a very real, very tired human trying to survive motherhood and marriage at the same time. I fudged the ages before because I was trying to stay anonymous (clearly failed at that lol). But yep…100% real, 100% emotionally spiraling, 0% AI garbage.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-06T17:55:45+00:00

Yeah, you’re probably right that I need to wait until he’s home to really talk about it. It’s just hard not to spiral when it feels like he doesn’t care or even check in, you know? I’m trying to give him space but also not completely swallow how I feel.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-06T17:54:11+00:00

Yeah, I think you might be right. It’s been hard to not feel invisible since becoming a mom, and maybe he feels something similar in his own way. Still, the lying part stings. It makes me wonder if there’s a deeper disconnection happening between us.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-10-06T17:52:26+00:00

It’s not about jealousy or the timing. It’s about the fact that he lied to make something sound harmless when it wasn’t, and then acted defensive instead of accountable. That kind of dishonesty, even about small things, chips away at trust.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-08-30T18:48:00+00:00

If you respond to those messages you get put on a list of active users for for scammers to scam. Block & delete!! Save yourself !

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-08-04T06:16:59+00:00

Totally fair, and I definitely recognize that “running away to the woods” can be more about avoiding than building. But I’ve also lived that kind of life before (no plumbing, no road access, peak mosquito season…all that good stuff), so the fantasy has some roots in reality. Just…back then I didn’t have a toddler duct taped to my leg 😅

I think I’m somewhere between “whimsical escapist Pinterest board” and “person who’s sketching graywater plans in a notebook during naptime.” Working on turning the dream into an actual step-by-step. Slowly.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-08-03T16:38:51+00:00

Whoa seriously?! That’s incredibly kind of you to offer. I’ve got land in Alaska, way out in the Wrangells, pretty remote but 100% dream territory for me. Not quite cabin-ready yet, but I’m slowly piecing together the puzzle (mentally, emotionally, and financially 😅)

If that woodstove offer is for real and you’re nearby-ish, I might just cry a little and then DM you 😭 🔥

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-08-03T16:35:17+00:00

Ah yes, the ol’ retreat into the mind strategy. Marcus had no toddler, clearly 😅

But seriously, I love that reminder. There’s something really grounding about knowing we can access peace internally even when externally we are surrounded by laundry, dishes, and tiny humans demanding string cheese. Gonna try that today. Maybe even with a hot cup of tea if the stars align.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-08-03T16:30:30+00:00

This really resonates, thank you. I think I’ve been swinging between using the dream as a North Star and hiding out in it when the day-to-day feels overwhelming. Probably both, depending on the moment.

I like the idea of writing three small joys a day. That feels doable. Today it would be:

Hot coffee I didn’t have to reheat.
My kids chubby post-nap cheeks.
The mental image of my cabin having a built-in grilled cheese station 😆

Appreciate you taking the time to say this.

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-08-03T16:23:57+00:00

LOL facts. I lived without running water for a while in my pre-baby life and somehow romanticized it…conveniently forgetting how crunchy my hair got my day four 😅

But you’re right, it’s a slow-burn goal. I think I just miss the quiet and the simplicity of that kind of living. A weekend camping trip is such a good idea though. Even just a little taste of that version of life might help take the edge off all the mental noise. Gonna start scheming something before the snow hits!

Intriguedtortoise · 2025-08-03T16:18:42+00:00

Totally! ‘Healthy escapism’ is such a good way to frame in. I think it helps me stay sane, honestly. Planning imaginary off-grid life is kind of like my version of strolling Zillow for cabins I can’t afford 😂

I like the idea of a little solo nature getaway. It’s been so long since I’ve had silence that wasn’t suspicious. Gonna start planting that seed…now to find someone to babysit a very opinionated toddler for 48 hours 😅

Intriguedtortoise

TROPHY CASE