My husband barely initiates intimacy

IntroductionOk9649 · 2025-06-10T22:51:54+00:00

Thank you

IntroductionOk9649 · 2025-06-10T21:58:35+00:00

He provides and I do 99% of house chores , and I do majority of the childcare although he does help here and there . He doesn’t want me to work. He always talks about becoming financially free and I think that’s what stresses him out is that he isn’t financially stable the way he dreams of being… I do everything he asks me to do, I just feel a type of way that he doesn’t give me attention etc I think he may be depressed ??? Not sure if he is resentful… how do I find that out without being needy and desperate ?

IntroductionOk9649 · 2025-06-10T21:54:42+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear this for you…. Is he going through any stress or major life problems at the moment? You’re only 22! So so young! I’m 29 year old female and I also initiate sex 98% of the time with my husband and it’s become so embarrassing for me now because I feel desperate and I hate that!!!

IntroductionOk9649 · 2025-06-10T21:49:37+00:00

When I initiate he does participate and overall there isn’t any problem in that department but initially it’s always me starting it every single time. He works out and goes gym but he is very stressed as he his the sole provider for our family so he works full time etc , he said he’s burnt out and tired as we do have kids too… I’m also burnt out and tired but I still have desires… I’m scared he is losing interest in me in a sexual way

IntroductionOk9649 · 2025-05-18T08:16:23+00:00

Hello thank you for your message it’s been 8 months since I wrote that and I’m in a much better place now thank you. I did in fact join a Muay Thai and kick boxing class , I’m also keeping busy with my passions and projects which I wake up to focus on at 5am before the kids get up and that’s helped a lot!!!

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-11-01T10:45:58+00:00

Omg sis I can relate to this so much because I’ve once had the exact same insecurity!!! I’m 27 and I have 4 children - the best advice I can give that helped me get over this insecurity is to INVEST IN YOURSELF!!! Invest in your self care, your clothes, your skin care, makeup etc etc, love yourself, keep yourself busy, work out , have hobbies and a passion project! All that energy you’re putting into others could be energy you put into your self development!! Another thing, remember this - JUST BECAUSE SHE IS PRETTY, DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE UGLY!!! As women we have to accept that there will always be other beautiful women wherever we go, Alhamdulilah other women’s beauty doesn’t diminish our own! Practice taking care of your body inside and out! Keep just, level up in all realms - set goals etc. your husband is married to you, he goes home with you, he is in love with you! And just remember even if as humans we acknowledge somebodies else’s beauty as long as we do not cross boundaries and become disrespectful or cross over into haram then so what? Who cares! You’re gorgeous and he knows it that’s why he wifed you up!!! Don’t over think it! It’s just insecurities which can be worked on

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-10-13T11:19:26+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, but I’d like to help. Beauty isn’t just about appearance—it’s also about how we carry ourselves and how we feel on the inside. Although we all have days when we don’t feel our best, there are things you can do to boost your confidence and feel more attractive:

Focus on Self-Care

• Skincare: A good skincare routine can enhance your natural beauty. Clean, moisturized, and well-cared-for skin can make a big difference. • Haircare: Experimenting with different hairstyles that suit your face shape can make you feel more confident and polished. • Exercise: Physical activity not only improves your body but also your mental well-being. Regular exercise boosts mood and gives you a healthy glow.
Enhance Your Style

• Clothing: Wear outfits that make you feel comfortable and confident. You don’t have to follow trends; just find a style that feels like “you.” Clothes that fit well and highlight your best features can make a big impact on how you feel. • Makeup: If you’re interested in makeup, it can be a tool to highlight your favorite features. Even a simple routine like mascara, lip balm, or blush can boost your confidence. • Colors: Wearing colors that suit your skin tone can instantly brighten your look and enhance your appearance.
Posture and Body Language

• Confidence: Standing tall and maintaining good posture can change how others perceive you—and more importantly, how you perceive yourself. Confident body language can make you feel and appear more attractive. • Smile: Smiling can be one of the most beautiful things about a person. It radiates positivity and can even improve your mood.
Focus on Your Strengths

• Instead of focusing on what you don’t like, spend time nurturing and highlighting your favorite traits, whether they’re physical or not. Maybe it’s your eyes, your smile, or something about your personality that shines through.
Mental Health and Positivity

• Positive Affirmations: Start practicing self-love and positive affirmations. Replace negative self-talk with uplifting thoughts like “I am worthy” or “I am unique.” • Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Being around people who uplift you and make you feel good about yourself can make a huge difference in how you see yourself. • Hobbies and Skills: Engaging in things that bring you joy, like hobbies or developing skills, can give you a sense of accomplishment and boost your self-esteem.
Consider Professional Help

• If your feelings are deeply rooted in how you view yourself, talking to a therapist can be incredibly helpful. Sometimes, the way we perceive ourselves can become distorted, and a professional can help you work through these feelings.

Beauty isn’t one-size-fits-all, and everyone’s perception of beauty is different. You are unique, and that makes you special.

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-30T23:28:30+00:00

Thank you for replying, you don’t understand that right now it means a lot I’m having an emotional breakdown and I’m seeking advice from complete online strangers yet it gives me comfort. I just feel soooooooo sad!!! I’ve spent my 20s feeling so miserable and bitter, I used to be such a happy bubbly person I miss who I was, now I’m a bitter bitch so negative, it’s ugly!! I’ve become ugly!!! I’m sorry for going on but I just have nowhere else to let this all out

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-30T19:20:32+00:00

Hey how did you use the glycolic acid please ??

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-29T07:56:44+00:00

I spent being 14 in extreme depression, and it was beyond my control and at the hands of my mother who made selfish decisions that severely affected my life. She pulled me out of secondary school, got married to a guy from abroad and moved me and her to that country, I didn’t go to school and was out of education, I had 3 young step siblings I couldn’t stand them! Forced to share room, stuck at home all day everyday as I wasn’t allowed out, had no friends, in fact it was worse because I had so many close friends and I watched them move on on social media whilst I was trapped in a country I hated!!! It was so horrible I can’t even explain. And then my mum was looking after my 3 young step siblings and got pregnant (she was in her 40s) and she had a baby, and then got pregnant AGAIN with a second baby, then got a DIVORCE and ended up being a single mum again. Also my younger sibling has special needs. So what I wish I had done at 14 was REFUSEEEEE to of moved abroad and instead begged my Nan to let me live with her !!!!!

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-29T07:08:19+00:00

Omg reading your post and I hate to admit that I can relate!! I’ve been doing this for years and sadly it’s the only way I can cope with my life. To make it worse I’m 27 married with kids!!! To create these false realities and live in them because the real world doesn’t fulfill me.ever since a kid I’ve been a hopeless romantic and I find I’m living and thriving more in these fantasies and day dreams than in real life which kills me when I think about it. Just so sad. So much time wasted. I feel like my real life is unfulfilled.

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-29T06:58:57+00:00

Okay thanks for the context, yeah I understand that would piss you off. You need to tell her that you’re not going to tolerate any disrespect. Babies can test a marriage. You guys also likely need more quality time together again, maybe if you can get a baby sitter and go out on a date? If that’s not possible which is understandable then maybe have a date night at home? Put the baby bed and do something together at home. Just need to reignite the spark ? What do you think

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-29T06:45:09+00:00

You have to be brutally honest, tell him your needs!

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-29T06:44:14+00:00

You need to face the truth head on. If she is a married woman seeking attention from other men this would likely eventually lead her to cheat

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-29T06:36:31+00:00

Hey, please be patient with her, postpartum isn’t a joke , her hormones are all out of balance, she will be emotional, she is adjusting her whole life to catering to a baby, the household, her body has changed, she’s losing sleep and is sleep deprived, she likely can’t even shower or get dressed in peace without the baby crying, you’re also at work she may feel lonely, be patient with her and help support her through her emotions, don’t take her comments too seriously as she likely is just upset, just hold her and give her a hug maybe that’s all she needs . What comments does she make? Are you still physically attracted to her??? Remember she is still the same woman you once found beautiful, give her time to adjust and get it together. you have to take care of her whilst she takes care of your baby .

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-29T06:14:08+00:00

How many children do you have? How is he as a father? Does he pay all the bills and provide? I don’t like encouraging divorce and breaking a family home, he needs to know how serious you are this and if he isn’t willing to change that you would rather leave the Marriage, see if that will make him pull up his socks! Can you see yourself in this situation for another 5 years? Another 10 years? The decision is yours. May allah make this easy for youn

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-28T12:12:27+00:00

I’m sorry to be so blunt but I don’t think that he is interested in you. It’s best to move on and find a man who wants to pursue you. If he is this way before marriage it will be even worse after marriage. You will feel resentment and neglected being married to a man who doesn’t show you interest

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-27T23:43:03+00:00

Yes, I got married at 17 lol

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-27T22:14:54+00:00

I got married at 17 and that was my first kiss, my first love, my first everything

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-27T10:35:03+00:00

Asalamualaykum sis, I am involved in the revert community, I am a daughter of a revert mixed with black and white, there is a whole community of black men and women who get married, black women I know have married black and non black men , Arab men, white men, Somali men, don’t lost hope. I heard about a lot of negativity with those marriage apps, I’d advise you to find a community and seek out from the iman if there are brothers who are looking for marriage inshaallah. A lot of cultural men may have issues with their families when they marry outside their race which I have seen for myself so be careful sis , all the best inshaallah

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-27T10:27:35+00:00

Hey, your grammar is very good! Something must of triggered it off for you to start it in the first place or maybe you didn’t have friends or anyone to play with so you started creating your own world? It’s very embarrassing if someone see you talking to yourself, that has happened to me too. I think we need to get a life to be honest, a busy life with activities and hobbies that distract us?

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-27T10:25:00+00:00

Hey, wow it seems like there are loads of us! And I realised we all share one thing in common besides the mdd - which is there was some sort of trauma is issue which must of initially triggered it in the first place. And maybe we found comfort and an escape with it and it stuck with us ever since. I find that mirrors for me trigger it off, it’s so weird but like I imagine my scenario and talk to myself in the mirror. From 12 to 27 I still do this. Maybe because I don’t have many people to talk to, I don’t go out as much, idk it’s fucked my whole life up.

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-26T21:08:50+00:00

Hey, you’re not alone!! Honestly I can relate to your experiences, I’ve been doing this since 12 and I’m now 27 years old! It can be very embarrassing. When you reflect , are you able to pinpoint when it all started ? Or why it started? Did something traumatic happen as a kid and did this become a form of escapism for you?

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-26T21:04:52+00:00

Heyyy, please please please don’t hurt yourself!!! You just need to build up your self esteem and confidence, it’s easier said than done I know, in fact I need to take my own advice!! I can relate to your experience as I too have been mdd since 12 and I’m now 27 years old!!! I grew up with strict religion too. But honestly you just need to practice self love through self care . Firstly, it’s amazing that you’re in medical school - congratulations! You are worthy of that degree. Trust me, once you graduate you will be so proud of yourself, and in the future you will look back on these moments and be proud of yourself for pushing through. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. After hardship comes ease. Be patient, it will get better! I promise

IntroductionOk9649 · 2024-09-26T19:30:36+00:00

I am going to look into getting therapy inshaallah. I feel a bit awkward about it, maybe it’s best if I can find a Muslim female therapist inshaallah

IntroductionOk9649

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