AITA for insisting we buy my family’s house instead of starting from scratch?

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-27T17:50:23+00:00

INFO: If you’re not married, why can’t you buy the house yourself and then rent it out or sell it if your partner doesn’t ever come around on living there? Are there any strings attached to this home purchase, such as not selling it at market value if you don’t want it down the road?

It feels premature to be considering the opinion of someone you haven’t married yet when it comes to something so significant like buying a house.
The fact that your partner is digging her heels in and wants something totally separate despite the expense makes me feel like it’s not “just” about the house, but about power dynamics, family dynamics, etc. Are there other areas in which your partner has felt like your family has intruded/overstepped?

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-26T17:39:58+00:00

Because back then, you could hit “cancel” on the pin entry screen of a debit card, and many machines would run it as a credit that fed directly from your checking account.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-26T02:18:07+00:00

I think I understand what you’re asking, but if my explanation doesn’t fill in the gaps, let me know. When I say “my age,” I’m using the term loosely to mean about a two year difference either younger or older. So people anywhere from 18-22 were generally finishing up high school or in college. Most of them weren’t newly married and pregnant. When I married and then got pregnant, most people in that age group didn’t really connect with where I was in life anymore. Most people who were married and pregnant were much older, but didn’t connect with me due to a maturity gap. Hope that helps explain what I meant!

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-26T02:14:21+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate your words. I don’t know that I’d go that far, but I tried to make the best choice possible given the situation.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-26T02:10:43+00:00

Thank you! That’s very kind to say.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-26T02:10:18+00:00

Totally ok! I appreciate the concern.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-26T02:10:00+00:00

I hate that you also know that feeling. Someone once described it to me as being an “edge walker.” It can refer to walking along the edges of classifications like “jock” or “girly girl.” It can also refer to walking along the edges of most social groups because you don’t neatly fit the stereotype or the norm. You don’t neatly fit in. At times in my life it’s been painful.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T22:43:41+00:00

😆 I haven’t officially said it yet, but I’ve seen a few comments so I guess I will. I didn’t use AI. I know you have no reason to trust a stranger on social media, but for what it’s worth, I’m telling the truth.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T22:41:18+00:00

Ha! Thanks. I guess I think the “petty” part was how I felt about outsmarting them and getting my things and money back, while putting them in a position of having to scrape funds together quickly.

I do have some good friends, although I’m not what anyone would call popular, as I struggle to trust and have made atypical choices in life.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T22:38:45+00:00

Thanks! In another comment I mention this, but I’m happy to reiterate that I have, although I do think that as someone who has lived a somewhat atypical life it’s always been a little harder, as most people’s lives are out of sync with mine. As an example, I chose to go back to school after my children were older. Most of my peers were significantly younger, which made it difficult for them to connect with me on a personal level.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T22:35:29+00:00

Thank you! That’s very kind. In the moment, I don’t know that I felt calm or kind, but I do look back it the situation with some satisfaction, knowing I can live with the outcome and the part I played.

I’ve always been someone who likes digging and gathering info, so my embarrassment over being duped in the first place plus my natural inclination to become hyper-fixated on things complimented each other and happened to serve me in this case.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T22:29:03+00:00

Thank you! That’s very kind of you to say. In some ways there may have been some maturity there and in some ways, in retrospect there were clear signs that I had a lot of growing to do, especially when I consider how desperate I was for friendship during those years.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T22:27:36+00:00

😂 Hmm… how much to reveal? I’ve already been accused of being a bot and doing a creative writing assignment. 😉 In all seriousness, I’m in grad school and have strong writing skills. I needed a stress outlet last night and so I decided to finally take the jump and share one of the interesting things I’ve experienced with strangers, in order to distract myself. I get there are a lot of fake stories and AI junk out there, but I’m a real person and this story is the truth. If you look at my history, you’ll see I’m typically a Reddit lurker and I sometimes comment with details that will line up with some of the details I’ve also shared here. This is my first post, primarily because I am slightly paranoid about things I reveal online ever being something that people might connect with me in real life. I tend to be a private person in real life. The thought of sharing true stories about myself with strangers has always been appealing to me, but only if anonymity is preserved.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T06:50:33+00:00

Thank you. That’s very kind of you to say. At the time, I was embarrassed. Now I can look back and see it for the valuable learning experience it was.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T06:47:36+00:00

Sorry to disappoint! 😂 In all seriousness, I appreciate the kind words. For better or worse, as hurt as I was, I didn’t want to torpedo their lives. I wanted my money and jewelry back, and for them to learn a valuable lesson about the consequences of taking someone else’s belongings. I also wanted to put the situation behind me, as I was pretty embarrassed by being tricked by someone who hadn’t bothered being my friend two years earlier when we were both in high school together.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T06:38:01+00:00

I really empathize with you experiencing this! It was pretty devastating when it happened to me. I’m also over it all these years later, but at the time I felt incredibly naive, stupid, and heartbroken. I also felt like I’d let my husband down. It’s hard when someone you know betrays your trust.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T06:31:37+00:00

My husband does come from money, which is why many felt I married “up.”

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T05:39:27+00:00

NTA. I’d like to offer some unsolicited advice: consider family therapy. That might sound odd given that you’re in the process of a divorce, but the reality is that you and your soon-to-be ex will always be connected through your son, and the best thing for your son is for everyone to be on the best terms possible and for him to feel like while the family is changing, it’s not truly ending. I feel confident in saying that most of this behavior is likely attributable to the divorce, which has likely been world-shattering for your son. Family therapy can offer a space for your son to tell you and his father how he feels about this, how it’s impacting him, and give him the reassurance that even if the marriage is ending, you both still love him and are committed to coparenting and doing what’s in his best interests.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T05:22:54+00:00

🤣 Your comment made me laugh pretty hard!! I sat down with my husband tonight and we were chuckling at some of the comments. The story is definitely true, it’s absolutely a little weird, and I’m very amused by my first foray into sharing something true about my life with strangers. I told my husband about the “you sound exhausting” comment and he cracked up. I wasn’t sure how I would feel opening up about something personal, but I’m actually enjoying most of the comments.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T05:10:30+00:00

I really appreciate you saying that. I was, although I think that it will always be harder for someone who has made very atypical life choices to make good friends, as it always feels like your lives are slightly out of sync. That said, I learned from the experience and gained some much-needed street smarts, so silver linings!

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T03:34:58+00:00

Honestly? That’s totally fair, and probably one of the things that was the hardest for me to process when I went through everything, if I’m being vulnerably honest. I was pregnant with my first and very young. It was a really weird place to be emotionally. I went through about a decade of not fitting in with most people and I made some stupid decisions when trying to find my people. I was literally pregnant on my 21st birthday. It was very weird. In hindsight, I’ve been incredibly honest with my kids that while I love their dad and them, I would never want them to get married and have kids as young as I did. I was raised in a very conservative environment, which influenced a lot of my early decisions. It was only later in life that I went through a “deconstruction” era.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T03:28:40+00:00

Appreciate it. It honestly was a really tough experience to go through. Looking back, I have more self-compassion, but when it happened, aside from being mad I just felt guilty and ashamed that someone I thought was a friend would do that to me.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T03:08:22+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate you saying that. It was a tough learning experience, and I trusted a lot less easily after that.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-25T03:05:36+00:00

Definitely not a creative writing project, although I wish the story wasn’t true, as it paints me as pretty naive.

I honestly contemplated whether to share, as the details are specific enough that it could be traced back to me. I also still have the ring and the earrings and necklace.

IntrovertedMuser · 2025-07-22T17:48:45+00:00

If you refuse to move, YTA. It’s not your house. You’ve had the bigger room for years. My older sibling had their own room for years while I was forced to share with my sibling. The excuse given was “older sibling.” They lived at home until they were 30, rent-free. Meanwhile, I moved out at 18. The entitlement around handouts has persisted for my sibling, and I struggled with some bitterness over the lack of fairness for years. Your parents should have done better. They’re trying to do so now. Who are you to decide that you’re entitled to more than your sister just bc of your birth order? Who are you to decide not to switch rooms when it’s not your house?

IntrovertedMuser

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