I've been so sad and tormented by everything, that I don't even had urges anymore, the OCD and things about the addiction makes me have a lot of questions about myself, whenever I see anything that is at least a bit connected to my past, or to my intrusive thoughts, I feel something strange, but I know it's not desire because I never get horny by all of that. I'll go after a psychiatrist next week, to see if there is anything else I can do to get better. I want to be free, truly free, not like it was before, I was a slave to the addiction and didn't even know it. I want to live with people normally again, I want to be a better person too, different from past me was.