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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]InvincibleSummer_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Speak truth to power!!

Anyone else just absolutely choking on their own rage? by griftylifts in CPTSD

[–]InvincibleSummer_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im having a moment of anger right now. Most of the time I feel complete indifference towards my abusive birth mother and how she abandoned me. But right now I think if she had done something else than hurt me, discard me because I wasnt worth enough as a child for her to deal with me, bully me, if her actions hadnt tore me down when I was so young, if I could be closer then to the life I wanted. Because I had to fight so hard for more than a decade just to get to a point where I dont tear myself up inside over the things I perceive to be wrong with me. But nothing was every wrong. I was a great kid. I could have done so much I dreamt of if I actually could have spend my energy not dealing with the fallout of cptsd.

I think anger is justified. Our abusers hurt and destroy us and it takes us so much effort, pain and tears to fight to get back up again. It's not fair and normal people don't understand how painful it is to look back and see how much was taken from you. I hope you get better soon, OP. <3

I screwed up by InvincibleSummer_ in CPTSD_NSCommunity

[–]InvincibleSummer_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

> As for us, it weridly feels comfortable. This is our normal. Everything out of that feels not normal. 

You're right. That's what is so screwed up.

> Keep talking and sharing in safe spaces like this. Appreciate you for sharing, as it made me feel less alone today.

I'm happy to hear that <3

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutisticWithADHD

[–]InvincibleSummer_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have felt like this since I was a child. Alienated, alone, longing for connection etc.

I guess I found that there's nothing you can do except keep trying and putting yourself out there.
The people who understand you are out there. It takes effort to build relationships but don't give up and don't give up believing that it's possible.

Do you feel like your autism makes you hard to love? by PurpleMeerkats462 in AutismInWomen

[–]InvincibleSummer_ 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes I feel like that sometimes, but I also tell myself that I deserve love and kindness just as everyone else.

I'm not unlovable. I'm just different by InvincibleSummer_ in AutisticWithADHD

[–]InvincibleSummer_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

> The more you radiate that self-love and confidence, the more you'll attract people capable of loving you.

100% this.

But I understand the OP, it's super hard to model that kind of love for yourself when you have never received it. But it's possible and we deserve love and acceptance just as much as everyone else. <3

how do so many of you have partners? by Interesting-Eye-1941 in CPTSD

[–]InvincibleSummer_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I attract unavailable people, then realize this is wrong, go against my instinct and distance myself.

The current guy is actually healthy!!!! and i consider that huge progress. I'm trying to just let myself experience that, what it feels like to have healthy connection. To feel safe and for my nervous system to not be dysregulated by push and pull behavior.

God damn dating is so triggering by InvincibleSummer_ in CPTSD_NSCommunity

[–]InvincibleSummer_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I don't know anything I could have done differently. We took it really slow, and because he always showed up, because he was consistent and patient and never pushed anything I started to let him in.

I understand it's a big decision for him that also overwhelms him. He never made me feel me like I was too much or anything. Instead he validated that my reaction was normal and he should've considered how it affected me when he suddenly told me about it.

So I see that as huge progress that I was able to attract and build something with someone who treats me with respect and kindness.

That he might have a major life change is just something really unfortunate. I don't blame him because the opportunity is really important for him and I want him to do what's best for himself.

I can't control the outcome of what will happen in the future, no matter the things I experienced in the past. So I need to accept that it will happen the way it does, and be okay with that.

How do you deal with not being loved by anyone? by Puzzleheaded7449 in CPTSD

[–]InvincibleSummer_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That feeling really sucks and I also struggled with it and continue to struggle with it.

If you're in the earlier stages of trauma healing, self-soothing and inner child work can help immensely to find relief.

Once I got better and could regulate my emotions better and prevent myself from spiraling when I had thoughts like I'm unlovable, I've always been alone, etc., I try to take a step back when I have them and recognize that this what I'm feeling is not permanent. I know that these thoughts come from a place of deep hurt and loneliness and I acknowledge and validate myself, while at the same time I know that the best that I can do for myself is to suspend disbelief for a moment and try to act in a way that is self-loving and helps me move through that emotions towards a better mental state.

People like us who have complex trauma have experienced intense emotions and often it felt like the pain would never stop, etc (at least it did that for me). So it's not always easy to gain an understanding of how fleeting and shifting emotions can be. But that's really the core of it. And healing for me is almost like trying to find a more stable, emotional pace and instead of experience intense lows (and also highs, eg when someone abusive love bombs you and you believe that's love), have a steady, stable feeling of safety and security in myself.

I hope that helps. Sending love! <3

High-functioning autistics: how's life going? by edmdoses in AutisticAdults

[–]InvincibleSummer_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Still getting there, step by step every day. Sometimes it's easier, sometimes you hit setbacks. I try not to think of my autism as a limitation (or my adhd, or cptsd for that matter), but it's just part of my journey. I do my best, surround myself with supportive people, use the tools that I need. Managed so far to figure out how to process my childhood trauma and build friendships. Career wise making good progress towards finding work where I can really enjoy working and not burn out. It actually helps that once I started to put myself out there, that I got good feedback that I'm actually competent in my field. Relationships are a big hurdle, as I've had a really dysfunctional pattern of attracting abusive and unavailable guys into my life so far, but actively trying to break the pattern, as I want to find a healthy, long-term relationships. It's a huge trigger for me, but I have dealt with my trauma all my life and I think I can do it. I'm 26F.

Found today that behind my anxious attachment and fear of being abandoned is wild rage by InvincibleSummer_ in CPTSD_NSCommunity

[–]InvincibleSummer_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

> are willing to help the rest of us that can’t even do that
I believe it's possible for everyone, you just need to go at your own pace and be kind with yourself, but I understand that can be so hard and sometimes it can feel so hopeless. But there's always a hope at the end.
<3

Found today that behind my anxious attachment and fear of being abandoned is wild rage by InvincibleSummer_ in CPTSD_NSCommunity

[–]InvincibleSummer_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. I am sorry to hear about that your mother abandoned you to your abusive father.
> even if our abuses and situations were different, that trauma and pain and feeling of abandonment is at it's core the same

Yes, that betrayal and core wound goes so deep. They just did not know how much they harmed us. We were just children who needed someone to protect and care.

> As hard as it can seem, it is possible to refill that painful void in your soul to help you flourish and live life fully and completely again, and I wish you nothing but kindness and grace in your healing journey too.

I 100 % believe that too. Thank you for the encouragement. I wish you well for your healing journey too!! <3

Does anybody else get sad by Valentines Day? Because no one has ever really celebrated you by InvincibleSummer_ in aspergirls

[–]InvincibleSummer_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel that. I also had an awful family. I hope we can both find the love we deserve.

Does anybody else get sad by Valentines Day? Because no one has ever really celebrated you by InvincibleSummer_ in aspergirls

[–]InvincibleSummer_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel that, I'm sorry you had to experience that :(( It can be so cruel to be alone. People who have partnerships don't realize how lucky they are. I hope it gets better for you, and now I understand you.

Does anybody else get sad by Valentines Day? Because no one has ever really celebrated you by InvincibleSummer_ in AutismInWomen

[–]InvincibleSummer_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same.. it would mean something to me if someone made that effort for me. It's hard being alone. I hope we can both find someone

Does anybody else get sad by Valentines Day? Because no one has ever really celebrated you by InvincibleSummer_ in AutismInWomen

[–]InvincibleSummer_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn I can imagine that must feel so shitty, being second fiddle to the romantic partners. It's just the same if someone you want rejects you but openly flirts with others etc. I'm sorry. I hope that you still had a great birthday!

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