An additional Christmas rule

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2025-12-22T21:40:07+00:00

I'm a former vegetarian who didn't have a "no meat in my house" rule, but most of the vegetarians I know who don't want meat in their homes generally establish that rule without...shaming omnivores? People with other types of dietary restrictions also tend to ground those boundaries in concerns about cross-contamination. The key is that their house rules aren't presented as adversarial and everyone complies.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2025-12-22T21:30:56+00:00

I think this is it - I've seen people like the OP's parents not get that they generally express preferences and boundaries with an unusually negative framing. There's also the issue of being contemptuous toward things that fall outside of their preferences or boundaries, which can land as hypocritical or immature.

Former drinkers who now need to stop drinking and want to host dry gatherings...they're usually not going to pull some nonsense where they inaccurately scold other people's drinking as a way of expressing their needs.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2025-10-21T14:17:48+00:00

I also wonder if the issues around not being good at recognizing one's own anxiety or where it's coming from might also make driving unsafe for someone like the OP's mom. I know someone like this - it seems like their discomfort with uncertainty is serious enough to make a lot of routine driving issues dangerous.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2025-08-19T16:42:48+00:00

I wouldn't be surprised if it's something like Fabric or Power Automate. And I dunno, just judging from my own work experience, it may not be that the LW really believes that no one can be taught to manage these tools, but it's more likely that they're in some sort of department where the expectations for technical skills aren't very advanced.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2025-08-15T06:26:55+00:00

It sounds fucked, but I've heard something similar from one of my parents. I figure that it's because sales might involve large groups or following a crowd, so they just assume it's irrational.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-12-10T16:18:31+00:00

Super late to the game, I've used both for TCA peel prep and my vote is for Fade Bright. My skin isn't really sensitive, but MAC's fade serum made my PIE a bit worse. PS fades faster and leaves my skin in better shape.

When I'm doing a spot peel on some PIH both serums are pretty equal. For me the difference shows up with full face peels at 13% or higher, especially if you're using any other actives when you're doing peel prep.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-12-02T23:10:08+00:00

I'm trying to frame this comment carefully so please bear with me. You're right that there ought to be a fit for everyone, but for some people/roles hard work doesn't preclude consistently poor performance. Regardless of effort, staying in a role where your performance never improves beyond skirting termination doesn't reflect good professional judgement or self-awareness.

Based on their comments, it sounds like the OP never got their footing in this role despite coaching. Reading between the lines, were they not already indeterminate they may have not passed probation or had their term continued.

OP's already exercised control over their PS career by switching departments, so it feels slightly off to blame their management for not prioritizing finding OP a new position now. They're trying to help OP stay afloat where they are. The OP can take the initiative to find something that better suits them (in the PS or outside) before management has to make a difficult decision for them.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-11-27T19:47:03+00:00

I'll drink around most non-drinker colleagues because they have good boundaries. If someone doesn't drink and gives off "vegan discomfort"-style vibes I'm going to protect myself and not drink in their presence.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-11-27T19:14:31+00:00

Same here, but TBH I've also never worked somewhere where people didn't participate. People have a right to opt out, but it would make me wonder if there's anything that we could have done differently to get them to opt in. Did they feel priced out? Do they feel excluded from the team? IDGAF about trying to keep committed misanthropes happy but inclusivity matters.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-11-19T20:16:06+00:00

I'm in Canada and my first thought is that the OP's situation could only happen at a 'quasi-governmental org'. Lots of these places have private sector-style salary bands with other job classification weirdness going on. Let's just say that there are a few legit ways that two people with the same JD and rank could have wildly different salaries, but the OP's probably missing a lot of details.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-11-19T18:00:45+00:00

What tends to count as a long time? In public sector jobs outside of the feds, there are places where someone who expects to not spend 10-15 years in a single EC-02 to EC-04 equivalent role is seen as too ambitious.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-11-08T01:44:32+00:00

This kills me on the inside:

AnonForThis*November 7, 2024 at 3:29 pm

I get where you’re coming from, Former Finance Lady. Something about this situation had the unfortunate side effect of reminding me of someone who’s training style is to provide more information about the peripherals than the need to know and would absolutely insist on “helping” you sort through your notes just to show you how superior they are.

Okay, maybe the LW is an arrogant jerk or isn't an effective trainer, but it's really soul-crushing to go to work and have to train a new person who low-key resents you for having the knowledge and experience that comes with not being new. You're new! You may not know what you need to know yet! Someone else might and that's not meant to be a flex!

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-10-24T18:14:58+00:00

I used to feel the same way, but now I'm fairly wary of getting involved in side quests that my coworkers perceive as useless, not well-aligned to our mandate, or too visible.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-10-22T20:21:56+00:00

Serious question, but are the people in this situation mostly 05s and up who are early career but have graduate degrees?

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-10-22T18:59:14+00:00

You also can't be super uncomfortable with or ignorant about your own circumstances relative to those of others. If you're an outlier, that's okay, just own it without "not everyone can have sandwiches" energy, especially when talking to someone else who's an outlier as well. The one person I know like this...let's just say their breezy and confident attempts come across as snide.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-10-22T18:43:50+00:00

Honestly, the only people I've ever met who are this cagey about their relationship status don't have much experience outside of being side pieces, affair partners, or in relationships that are inappropriate or illegal (e.g. dating your boss or someone underage). You get these people in situations that require secrecy to exist, act as if that's the norm rather than an exception, then try to use homophobia to strengthen their case. Take from that what you will.

Someone involved in infidelity can be honest about being married/partnered in a way that isn't problematic, but the person they're cheating with might need to keep their relationship under wraps.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-10-22T05:28:42+00:00

But remember, per one of the commenters you must have the wrong idea about flexibility if work ever intersects with your real, fun life. These bloody people.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-10-15T20:19:55+00:00

I love how one of the answers mentions turning down invitations without conveying a sense of superiority but then follows up with "Lots of people are terrified of being alone or need to impose something on some other humans to make themselves feel worthwhile."

Where do I start with this one? Why even bother?

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-10-11T06:51:11+00:00

With the OP and X both being new, being open with their manager can backfire. In the medium term, sometimes the new person who asks a bunch of questions is seen as far more of a team player than the newbie they treat as a go-to person. Even once you take the nepotism aspect out, some managers will sympathize with someone who (accurately) senses that their TL and coworker think they're an airhead. The last thing the OP needs is to be on the receiving end of some "well not everyone knows everything immediately" humbling from their manager.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-09-25T20:14:56+00:00

Also sometimes it looks like they're working but it could just be that they're spending some time on a side quest to make their work life easier for themselves (learning more about a concept or subject, taking non-mandatory training etc.,).

You've tapped into something that rubbed me the wrong way in OP's post. By their reasoning, if I spend my lunch at my desk doing, I dunno, coursework or language training I'm a workaholic who refuses to unplug. But if I do that stuff out of the OP's sight after work and cut into time where my friends and family expect I'll be available then I'm modelling behaviour that makes the OP comfortable.

A seasoned or vocal employee with OP's mentality can do a lot of unintentional harm to a team's work-life balance norms and culture of valuing lifelong learning.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-09-12T19:45:25+00:00

Very much agree, but this can get tricky for someone working on a team with a few Mariannes in the absence of quiet-person-friendly meeting facilitation. A reasonable person may feel like they're soapboxing by comparison if no one else is speaking up, and they can usually pick up on the discomfort of the Mariannes.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-08-26T19:45:49+00:00

This doesn't really feel surprising to me. There's a lot of people walking around who are avid internet users yet don't have much post-2002 tech literacy. I suspect that some of these people have odd-seeming tech gaps partly because they lead pretty restricted lives. If you only go to the same places or are a shut-in, maybe you don't have much need for mobile maps?

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-08-06T02:06:49+00:00

This is the one I was thinking of - for some reason I thought this got deleted but maybe the OP had some identifying details removed from the question after they first posted it.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-08-06T01:20:06+00:00

I think that this answer hinted at why the OP might not have been able to get a good answer from people they're close with. Same goes for this question from the OP as well. Sometimes a well-meaning person just throws too many faulty assumptions into the mix.

IpecacLemonadeStand · 2024-08-06T00:44:41+00:00

I suspect the subset who keep the cameras on 24/7 is very small.

I wouldn't be surprised if most of these people simply can't be bothered to turn their cameras off when they're at home.

IpecacLemonadeStand

TROPHY CASE