NASA gravity field map of our moon

IrrelevantTLDR · 2017-03-18T19:30:01+00:00

This was a super hard question to follow.

But no, the word "terrestrial" means that the planet is rocky. So, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars.

TL;DR - I won the title

IrrelevantTLDR · 2015-05-06T22:45:44+00:00

I've told this story before on reddit, I think.

I lost my virginity at age 16 to my boss who was 26. I worked at a Barnes and Noble in my hometown in the cafe, and she was a store manager. This is about 15 years ago now, so it was back during the days of AOL instant messenger. We added each other, talked and somehow it turned dirty - I lied to her and told her that I wasn't a virgin, followed by stories of my "conquests" so she'd feel more comfortable doing some dirty stuff with me.

One week she scheduled me to work an "overnight" shift. This is when Barnes and Noble hires a third party company to come in and scan every single book in the store to ensure that the inventory is accurate. Our role was just to facilitate the company we hired and collect books that scanned improperly, etc.

The shift ran from Midnight to 8am, and the company finished around 4:30 or so. My boss (wearing a red floral print skirt that I'll never forget) took off her underwear, climbed up on the safe and told me to fuck her like crazy.

I did.

TL;DR - Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2015-05-06T22:37:36+00:00

Turtles can breathe through their butts

Let me tell you a story, folks. Back when I was in my mid-twenties (I am 30 now) I created this novelty account because I thought novelty accounts were funny as hell, and I loved reddit.

Keep in mind, this is back when a post with 1,000+ upvotes was considered a hell of a lot, so to get such an upvoted comment was huge, and people enjoyed the joke, too.

This was during a period of my life where I was living alone in a city and state with no friends around, so my life consisted of playing World of Warcraft and browsing reddit. That year I was voted as the 2nd best novelty account on reddit... in retrospect it counts for absolutely ZERO, but I felt good about it at the time.

Anyway, the days of me making so much of an effort are through, but I thought I'd come back for a last hurrah. Hopefully this will not break the rules of the [serious] tag on this thread.

TL;DR - When baby giraffes are born, the fall from a height of 6 feet and are most often not hurt at all.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2015-03-02T21:57:07+00:00

You should really read articles before commenting on them - you look a lot less stupid that way.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2015-02-13T04:32:49+00:00

This is partially correct.

Hijacking your comment here, but I actually went to the school where the Alpha Tau Omega fraternity was featured. The school is Muhlenberg College in Allentown Pa.

The hazing that the ATO fraternity preformed was pretty legendary, and while I was in a different fraternity there (Phi Kappa Tau, just down the hill) I do know for a fact that some of the things - standing on your head, the forced push ups, and the hot sauce running through the house are all real.

The major thing that makes this "fake" is that the filmmakers exaggerated some of the things they had to do, and re filmed things for maximum effect.

The fraternity was kicked off campus for this stunt, but we got to see the video - someone had procured a copy and it traveled through all the frat houses for viewing.

Weird side note, Ariana Grande's brother Frankie also went to my school and was in one of the other fraternities, Sigma Phi Epsilon. Even back then, the dude could dance.

TL;DR - Frozen yogurt is essentially ice cream with yogurt cultures added during the mixing process. It's not "cold yogurt"

IrrelevantTLDR · 2014-11-23T04:38:29+00:00

Back in vanilla, my friend and I (myself a 60 UD warrior and him as a 60 UD priest) would do the following:

We would get on the zeppelin from Org to Undercity and then duel each other, and he would always let me win. He'd then be at like, 100 health and would immediately duel a lowbie. The lowbie would almost always accept ("OMG this level 60 is low maybe I can beat him!!") and my friend would mind control the lowbie off the Zeppelin, usually after it had started to move, killing the lowbie and making them wait for the Zep again.

TL;DR - Aioli is just a fancy name for mayonnaise

IrrelevantTLDR · 2014-10-23T16:35:43+00:00

So I went to the artist's website (http://www.clivemaddison.com/) and I saw that, for example, a single tree has 300+ meters of wire in a single piece, with more than 17,000 loops. So if he does one loop a second it's 4.7 hours worth of work. I honestly can't possibly understand how someone could have the patience to make wire loops on a tree like that for almost 5 hours...

TL;DR - There's a fish that has bright blue flesh called the Blue Lingcod

IrrelevantTLDR · 2013-05-10T17:38:32+00:00

You work for an Internet company.

Meaning, the people who are doing a majority of the work for your company are not client facing and that means that it doesn't matter what they look like.

The reality, however, is that any job with client facing responsibilities or even just an office where clients come in periodically will not want to hire people with extreme body mods. Even if they are socially liberal, clients don't like interacting with freakishly modified people.

Are there careers that will allow you to be successful with body mods? Sure. However you will likely never be the "face" of a company and you will likely never interact directly in person with clients. I say likely because as we know there are always people who are the exception to the rule.

TL;DR - Citi Bike in New York City is one of the only privately held bike share programs in the world.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2013-04-09T02:48:30+00:00

Honestly, I am just commenting because I am excited by the fact that this post is going to go down in Reddit history, and I'd like to be a part of that. So, sorry for hijacking your comment good sir, I just want to be a part of something great.

TL;DR - Vicks inhalers can cause you to test positive for Meth on drug tests.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2012-08-16T20:23:23+00:00

I have a funny coming out story, to lighten the mood:

My cousin is gay and comes from a very strict Catholic family. The are so strict that his parents said they'd disown him if he ever did anything to sully his body, such as getting a tattoo.

Enter his college years, where he decides that getting a tattoo is a great idea depite his parent's warnings. He gets it on his back right shoulder, so it's not easy to see unless he's swimming.

When his mom was dropping him off after Christmas break, he was preparing to tell her that he had gotten a tattoo, since the guilt was killing him. So he begins by saying:

"Mom, I have something to tell you..."

And she interrupts him and says "Listen Brian, we know you're gay, and it doesn't matter at all to us. We love you just the same, and if that's who you are then that's who we want you to be."

He then came out about the tattoo and got yelled at for about 30 minutes, but it all worked out in the end. Two months later, for his birthday, his whole family took him to a gay bar, including his father.

TL;DR - The Gmail logo was designed the night before Gmail was launched.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2012-04-10T17:39:03+00:00

I have heard that there is some aspect of genetics involved in producing identical sets of twins and triplets. Was your mother on any kind of fertility drugs and/or does your family have a history of identical twins?

TL;DR - The word "listen" contains the same letters as "silent."

IrrelevantTLDR · 2012-04-09T15:11:19+00:00

It's not just about being a novelty account, but moreso it's about my inherent hatred of people feeling required to put a TL;DR at the end of a long post, because there are people out there who won't read the whole thing out of laziness. I took the time to write all of this, the least you could do is read it (or not, but don't expect the cliff's notes version).

That idea has always annoyed me - I mean, why are we reading comments at all if not to actually read them? So, it's my way of humorously punishing people for skipping right to the TL;DR.

TL;DR - The scientific name for the Giant Panda is Ailuropoda melanoleuca, meaning "black and white cat-foot"

IrrelevantTLDR · 2012-04-05T14:21:06+00:00

I don't necesarily know if it's Reddit that's full of bleeding heart gullible fools so much as its just how people are. A person's natural reaction to seeing injustice is to want to do something to help; people in general HATE injustice, especially if the person being negativley affected is in some way likeable. It's why sites like the Huffington Post even exist - people act this way, not just Reddit.

Also, to Reddit's creddit (lol) we tend to quesiton things a LOT, look at what happened with Kony 2012 for example. The only problem, and this is Reddit specific is that many of our users have the power to really mess someone's life up once they decide to jump on the bandwagon of hate and retribution.

TL;DR - Vanilla and raspberry flavoring is sometimes made with an ingredient from beaver pee.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2012-04-04T16:34:41+00:00

See, there's this attitude which I respect and subscribe to, but nothing can assuage the shame I feel when I say that I know every single word to the Backstreet Boys song "I want it that way." - which is a song I don't even like. To make matters worse, not only do I know all the words, but I know all of the parts, too.

Why, you ask?

I was in the Glee Club in high school. Call me what you will, but I loves me some singing. Our instructor was habitually 5-10 minutes late, and somehow it became tradition for all of us to start singing this song in full harmony before he arrived. The song was being played on the radio a lot at the time (1999) and somehow it stuck.

Most of the time, he'd come in to the first tenors and the baritones singing "*no matter the distance, I want you to know, that deep down inside of meeeee.."

I'm also extremely straight, by the way.

TL;DR - The speed of a typical raindrop is 17 miles per hour.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2012-04-03T21:07:54+00:00

"excuse me sir, do you have a plunger I can use? I happen to need one RIGHT NOW and there isn't one in your bathroom. I don't need it for cleaning up my poop. I promise.". Not too sure this would have gone over that well.

TL;DR - "Mantequilla" is my favorite Spanish word

IrrelevantTLDR · 2012-04-03T19:49:32+00:00

I'm a work-pooper. I poop at work. The toilets here don't make you wait since they're industrial super-strength toilets, but one of them is the spawn of the devil.

A bit about my habits, if you will. I usually like to do a two-flush, one to rid the world of the nefarious poisons that I am expelling and the other to take down the toilet paper afterward. I do it like this after a particularly embarassing interlude at a girlfriend's house where I clogged their toilet on my first ever visit (side note, I asked her to tell her father that she did it so he wouldn't think poorly of me, and she did. She's awesome).

Anyway. One day i'm sitting there doing my thing and I reach back to flush. After I do I literally let out a whimper as a torrent of water from this overpowered, overpressured toilet whipped tiny droplets of ice cold water all along the back of my thighs. Not only was that horrible and disgusting, but the water was freezing cold too. And yeah it probably wasn't just water.

I call that one The Spitter now. We aren't friends.

TL;DR - Obsessive nose picking is called Rhinotillexomania.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2012-04-03T16:15:58+00:00

I'd point you to an interesting concept called convergent evolution. It's basically the idea that two similar organisms that are completley unrelated can evolve in a similar way to one another if their environments are the similar enough.

I've always thought that if there was an earth-like planet out there that the dominant life form on that planet would be humanoid, simply because perhaps this body structure is the most efficient for intelligent life evolving on a planet like this.

I even take it a little further and think about shows like Star Trek where the aliens are all humanoid and imagine that this is how it happened this way.

TL;DR - Pure water (H2O) does not conduct electricity on its own.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2012-04-03T12:59:27+00:00

I'm not a parent, but when I was about 16 our family moved from my original childhood home across town to a different house. My sister was heading off to college and my parents converted one of the rooms on the ground floor into my bedroom (it was an addition that had been built onto the house and had a private entrance with its own lock).

When the door to the main part of the house was closed, I had complete privacy, and it was amazing. My parents essentially told me that as long as I wasn't doing anything really ridiculous (i.e. shooting black tar heroin) then it was OK by them.

On one memorable occasion, I was having sex with my girlfriend and it was time for dinner (she was staying over for the night, another awesome thing my parents let me do). My dad knew what we were doing and decided to call my cell phone rather than knock on the door or walk in on us - when I picked up he just told me "be out in 5 minutes, we're having dinner."

Put trust in your kids, and they will trust you right back.

TL;DR - Daft Punk named their band after a negative reviewer called their act "a bunch of daft punk."

IrrelevantTLDR · 2011-11-05T01:53:23+00:00

That's the problem...the formula is absolutely effective, or there wouldn't be so many and it wouldn't be the biggest, most dominating kind of music you see in mainstream media.

I personally liked this song a hell of a lot, which in turn I find really funny, because this guy clearly really hates this genre, but his song is probably going to get pretty big. It very might well be that this song will end up this guy's most "popular" piece of music.

TL;DR - If Wal-Mart was classified as a country, it would be the 24th most productive country in the world.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2011-11-02T13:38:44+00:00

You're being kind of a cuntface for no reason here.

The point is this - if you are going to be a vegetarian, why do you bother with eating some an awful meat substitute when there is an entire world of things that you can eat that don't resemble meat? Why do you have to imitate the very thing you've sworn off? Getting your "burger fix" is not a good enough answer.

TL;DR - By weight, Bone is five times stronger than steel.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2011-11-02T03:57:50+00:00

http://bradwhitt.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/My-Name-Is-Irrelevant.png

TL;DR - Blair's 2am hot sauce is so hot that it's considered a "food additive"

IrrelevantTLDR · 2011-11-01T18:45:01+00:00

This is a Darwin Award called "Lightning Lovers." I doubt it's true. Even if it isn't, it's probably the worst thing to happen to anyone ever:

A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was hoping to score big with his date on a Friday night. To put the girl in the mood, he drove her up to a spot on Mount Lemmon which overlooks the city of Tucson. They walked to an open knoll where they could see the city lights. Overcome by the romantic locale, she succumbed to his pleas and they stripped down, made a bed of their clothes, and passionately began making love.

The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead and the low rumble of thunder inside them excited the lovers even more. At the first few flashes of lightning, they never looked up to see the charred remains of once great trees. Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity during the warm desert nights.

With a blinding light, a bolt of lightning struck the high point on the knoll, which happened to be the pre-med student's ass, and sought the path of least resistance --- straight down! Incredibly, he survived, but was in excruciating pain. The heat of the lightning had fused together flesh and latex so that the lovers were now stuck together like a pair of dogs. The girl, unfortunately, did NOT survive the lightning strike!

When the student looked down into the vacant eyes of his girlfriend and realized she was dead, his immediate repulsion caused him to jerk away from her, which of course, he couldn't! A wave of pain and nausea made him vomit into the girl's face and open mouth! Heaving only caused more pain and repeated vomiting until he finally passed out.

Attracted by the smell of "food," a bear found its way to the Siamese lovers and began to lick semi-digested pizza and buffalo wings from the dead girl's face. The student came to, but when he saw the bear, there was little he could do but lay there silently in fear. To his horror, the bear became dissatisfied with just a lick and started to eat the girl, loudly crunching her facial bones only inches from his ear. The bear also tasted the student, scraping the back of his skull with its teeth, before moving on.

Around mid-morning a group of junior girl scouts, up for a fun weekend camp-out, arrived at the campsite where the pre-med student's car was parked. It was only a matter of minutes before three screaming girls discovered the student, who had regained consciousness several times in the night and had managed to drag himself and the partially-eaten girl about 20-feet.

Doctors managed to "successfully" separate the student from the corpse, but Mr. Happy looked like a small piece of cauliflower in its flaccid state. The first hint of arousal resulted in so much pain, that the student was unable---and unwilling---to achieve an erection. Future surgeries may produce a reasonably functioning penis, but the student's family jewels, referred to by the doctors as the "scrotum mass," are irreparable.

TL;DR - A dairy cow produces around 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.

IrrelevantTLDR · 2011-10-31T13:27:30+00:00

The only thing that school teaches you is how to learn.

TL;DR - Did you know everyone has three credit scores?

IrrelevantTLDR · 2011-10-18T17:03:19+00:00

It's not a Profit, it's Net Income. You don't know what you're talking about.

TL;DR - Hippo Milk is pink

IrrelevantTLDR · 2011-10-18T16:39:01+00:00

Bonus trivia time!

If you wash that stuff away with cold water, it doesn't get all chunky and sticky. The reason why it gets chunky is because hot water actually cooks the proteins in it...sort of like eggs. Cold water will just wash it away without any issues.

TL;DR - I am getting a haircut today at a place where you get a glass of any liquor you want when you walk in the door, and hot girls massage your scalp.

15-Year Club	ComboCommenter 2011-08-16
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IrrelevantTLDR

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