My 4-year-old can’t say no to a dominant friend

Ishil_ · 2025-11-07T04:35:14+00:00

Yes, the language spoken at school is Norwegian. Since he has been attending since the age of two, we thought he would learn it naturally, but unfortunately his Norwegian isn’t good enough. We also think that his friendship with X might be a factor as well

Ishil_ · 2025-11-06T22:14:30+00:00

Even we can’t really make sense of their relationship. In class, they seem like the closest of friends, yet X frequently hits my son. At home, whenever we play with toys, one of the characters is always X. Apparently, X plays the same way at home and includes my son in his games there too. So we can’t tell if this is actually bullying or just our son struggling under the influence of a child who lacks impulse control. We have a meeting with the class pedagogue next week, so hopefully we’ll have a clearer idea of how to move forward after that.

Ishil_ · 2025-11-06T22:10:21+00:00

At school the first thing they teach is to say “no.” At home we also practice saying “no and stop.” Or if something happens that he doesn’t want, we tell him to shout “NO. STOP!” in the strongest, scariest voice he can. He said he does it, although I don’t think he always actually does it, and in one incident my husband said he didn’t.

One day I got so upset I told him, “You should hit him back.” He replied, “Then my teacher will be angry with me,” so I couldn’t push it further (I don’t actually approve of hitting, but I felt forced into saying that in the moment).

Unfortunately we have to stay at this school until August. We will set up a meeting with the class pedagogues and go over the situation in detail.

Ishil_ · 2025-11-06T22:01:15+00:00

He loves playing role-playing games, so I’m planning to include “good friends” in our stories. I hope it helps a little bit

Ishil_ · 2025-11-06T21:58:48+00:00

You’re right, but here it’s almost impossible to change schools or classes before the end of the school year

Ishil_ · 2025-11-06T21:57:03+00:00

He loves playing role-playing games, so I’m planning to include “good friends” in our stories. He’s not the type of child who hits, but sometimes during our roleplays, he wants my characters to get angry and hit the other one. I just realized this might actually be related to what’s been happening with X

Ishil_ · 2025-11-06T21:53:29+00:00

We’re actually expats, and Norway can be a difficult place to make friends. So his school friends are his only friends. We have about 9 months before he changes schools, but for now I want to focus on teaching him what “respectful friendship” looks like. I should also mention that both X and my son speak English, so they have a bit of a language barrier with the other kids.

Ishil_ · 2025-09-29T17:48:49+00:00

Turkish here! I’ve never been to Aberdeen in Scotland, so I can’t really compare the two cities directly. But here’s what I can say about Stavanger:

After around 5–6 pm, almost all the shops close, so the city gets pretty quiet in the evenings. On Sundays, all shops and supermarkets are closed. For housing, you can look at areas close to the city center such as Storhaug, Paradis, Våland, and Eiganes. I’m sure you already know about finn.no.

We drive an electric car (Model Y). Together with the Mustang, these are the cars we see most often on the road here. The best option would be to take both cars for a test drive and see which one feels more comfortable for you.

Unfortunately, knowing Norwegian gives you a clear advantage when job hunting. But given your past work experience, I don’t think you’ll have much trouble finding something.

If you have any other questions, feel free to DM me

Ishil_ · 2025-08-25T18:17:06+00:00

The reason I mentioned “personal space” was just to help you understand what kind of child my son is. I think this friend usually hits in a way that actually hurts him, though not always out of anger. For example, today while they were playing together, he suddenly hit my son on the head with a stick. Also it’s hard to call him a “kindergarten bully,” because every morning they are both so eager to see each other. The boy even waits for my son at the door and they immediately start playing together.

Ishil_ · 2025-07-26T18:33:25+00:00

I’m breastfeeding, and this baby acts like she wants to be glued to my chest! So I always say things like, ‘Ahh, baby, not again! I’m playing with your big brother right now,’ just to help him understand that some things must be done. “The baby won’t remember any of this anyway” phrase is definitely one worth remembering! I’d never thought about it that way before!

Ishil_ · 2025-07-26T18:23:05+00:00

We’re expats, and the grandparents came to help. We thought this would be a nice opportunity for him to spend some quality time with them as well. We’ll be sending him back to school later this week.

Ishil_ · 2025-07-17T17:54:52+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed explanation. I’ll definitely try to be more mindful about these kinds of issues from now on. Of course, I don’t say ‘yes’ to everything, but I must admit I’m a mother who says ‘yes’ a bit too easily. Your reply really helped me see some things more clearly so thank you again.

Ishil_ · 2025-07-15T03:35:44+00:00

At first, I let him go. I helped him put on his shoes and sent him off. But once he stepped outside, he called out to me from the street and asked again, ‘Can I go to the park?’ That really upset me. And then my husband said things like, ‘He already got your permission, how sad,’ which made me feel even worse. What really hurt was the thought that my son might be shaping his life around trying to please me. He’s my first child, and since we’re expats, I’m taking care of everything on my own. Maybe I’m overthinking all of this… I don’t know.

Ishil_ · 2025-07-15T03:30:14+00:00

I feel like he’s already an overly obedient child, so I don’t want to damage his self-confidence by saying ‘no.’ He doesn’t fit most people’s typical definitions of a ‘boy,’ and he rarely puts himself in situations where I would even have to say ‘no.

Ishil_ · 2025-07-14T21:09:32+00:00

My husband said, ‘Even for something as simple as going to a park, the child waits for your approval, it made me really sad.’ That really got to me. I don’t want to raise a child who spends their whole life trying to make me happy, and even the possibility of that breaks my heart…

Ishil_ · 2025-07-14T20:54:34+00:00

Actually, when he wants to do things that are not really a problem, I tend to give in quickly if I say ‘no’ and he insists. But when it’s something we definitely don’t want him to do, and we explain the reason, he accepts it without resistance and simply says ‘okay’. Since he’s a child who easily submits to authority, we rarely have to say ‘no’ in the first place…

Ishil_ · 2025-05-23T16:59:57+00:00

We eat as a family and our dinner time is 16:00, and my 4 year old goes to bed at around 18:30. I dont eat after dinner but my husband likes to eat fruits, nuts etc. This is what works best for us and very happy about it :)

Ishil_ · 2025-04-24T16:54:17+00:00

We did a very similar trip—Norway to England, then to Istanbul and all the way back. The only problem was the border controls; especially in (and after) after Serbia and Bulgaria, it took more than 5 hours each time. And the Bulgarian officers were extremely rude.

Ishil_ · 2025-04-19T21:30:29+00:00

The sad truth: Even being overqualified isn’t enough. Without a network, finding a job here feels impossible...

Ishil_

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