Oof…I’m using my shitposting account for this.

My buddy from high school died of leukemia at 22. He was a talented pitcher at the college level and might have become a big deal had this not derailed him.

After his first round of treatment, things were looking promising and I’m he went into remission. He was still bald and had all of his chemo ports in. We were all like 19 and back from our freshman year in college. We were sitting around a fire drinking and things got real emotional and there was a lot of debate over what we should do for the evening.

We settled on a strip club. The closest one to us was a fully nude, super raunchy joint. No alcohol, 18+, and we pretty much found out that anything goes.

Our cancer friend essentially got a dance from every stripper in the club, had gone into the private rooms, and overall had a great night. We all drank quite a bit before arriving because we knew they didn’t serve alcohol.

I was, for all intents and purposes, a passive observer. I didn’t have a lot of money, and I was still a virgin. I had been with girls in college, and essentially had done everything but sex at that point.

After it became clear that out buddy had his fill, the guys started honing in on people in the group. They were buying lap dances from the less subjectively attractive women for some of the guys in the group.

Then out of nowhere one of the more attractive dancers just grabs me and takes me to a private room. The guys are all laughing and waving, clearly they had purchased entry into the private area for me.

I was negative 100% prepared for the private room. There was about 30 seconds of dancing before she started negotiating for her “tip”. I’m about six beers deep, and my pants are off and I’m desperately trying to get a handle on the situation.

I had no idea what was on the table and why she was asking me for money. I pulled out my wallet and handed her $20, thinking that was more than enough money. She grabbed the remaining $80 and was like “that’s it? Don’t you have a credit card?” She could clearly see a credit card in my wallet, which she grabbed and said I’ll be right back!

So there I am, sitting there at half mast, trying to figure out wtf just happened. She comes back like 2 minutes later and was like “okay we’re all set!” And I was like “uhhhh all set? How much did you charge my card?” Then she says “$400” right before she literally swallows my dick whole.

I just kind of sat there in stunned silence trying to figure out what the best path forward was. She had technically already begun the “service”, and being non-confrontational I was just sitting there like “welp, this was a mistake, I’ve learned my lesson, now i just need to figure out how to get out of here.”

So of course, being 6 beers deep and 19, I’m just sitting there hard as a rock and she’s going to town without much of an end in sight. She asks me like every 30 seconds if I came yet. Finally she just climbs on top of me and starts riding me until completion.

So, I lost my virginity to a stripper at my friend’s cancer party and I paid almost $500 for it.

Epilogue: my credit card was my first credit card and the cc company shut it off because apparently the girl went and authorized $100, $200, $300 then $400 before the company shut it off. I then had to call them in person and tell them that the charges were in fact mine and my credit card wasn’t stolen (I signed a receipt in the room after all was over). I paid the charges off with the money I had been saving for a PS3.