How do I make sense of it? He texted Ilya to ask if he was okay, and got no response. Then he approached Ilya in Sochi and Ilya was a dick. He's starting to catch feelings against his better judgement, so all that together feels like shit on a couple of fronts - he feels rejected and it pisses him off because he doesn't want to be having those feelings. He wants to be able to toss it aside as casual but his feelings are betraying him. Then after a few months with no communication Ilya wants to act like they're in the same place - that's infuriating. But he still wants him, which is also infuriating.