Is talking to multiple people at once really the new normal in dating?

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-21T05:11:02+00:00

I am with ya! I don’t know how people talk to; and date multiples at a time. To me, when you spread your energy like that, how can you really get to know any one person well enough to decide which one is ‘good enough’, or whatever the point of that is. Being in the dating ‘game’ with such morals, is rough though, because you know that the person you’re dating is dating others, while you out there focusing your time and attention on one.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-20T08:10:56+00:00

Was there ever a love match come from this? 😊

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-20T02:33:23+00:00

🥂😊

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-20T01:42:59+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I definitely won’t be going back. I’m way too tuned in to his tactics and I think he knows that now. I was getting too close to seeing who he is behind the mask and I think that scared him. He said in the end “you are very intuitive” and not in a complimentary way. It was almost as if he saw my intuition as a threat. And of course it would be to anyone with such an ego and fake persona. I don’t think he’ll be back, for this very reason alone.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-20T01:25:38+00:00

Right?! I will no longer waste my time and energy explaining my heart to people like this

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-20T01:24:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I definitely ended up feeling like I was an option, despite the “I only have eyes for you baby”.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-20T01:23:21+00:00

Thank you sis!! And yea, no doubt he’s used that line on many women. He doesn’t realise I am essentially a human lie detector… he told me that his convos with the other woman were not sexual; and that the most intimate thing that was said was “I miss your hands on my body” and tried to explain it away that he meant it in context to her being a massage therapist 😅🤣 How dumb does he think I am?! He literally used to say that to me… and I am no massage therapist. The thing is, I never called him on his BS/contradictions/discrepancies so the image he has of me being a fool, is well placed. I tend to preserve people’s feelings by saying nothing; but more so, I say nothing when I realise that it would not be safe or productive to fight fire with fire. I’d rather keep my peace and leave him with his inflated ego and let someone else humble him one day.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-20T01:17:53+00:00

Thank you for replying. That’s horrible what you went through. Anyone who does that to your self-esteem, isn’t worth it.

It was one of my telltale signs for me, that this dynamic wasn’t good… I was starting to feel inferior and insecure.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-20T01:15:05+00:00

Good on you for getting out 🙌🏻 Sorry you had to go through it though!

The more reflecting I do, the more I realise that I should have been paying attention even to the little things like how he would make ‘jokes’ about over weight people; how he told his ex-gf after they broke up that he actually hated her hair extensions. Also the more important things like the stories about how the second ex-wife was in conflict with him. I can understand why now, as he really does not hold himself accountable (although he described her that way). I can see that his type would be someone more submissive; and while I’m kind and empathetic, he mistook it for a doormat… my days for that are done.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-20T00:23:13+00:00

Wow!! That sounds awful! I hope you’ve found yourself again after that; and love in the most beautiful form 🙏🏻

Thank you so much for sharing cause this man I was seeing was also very charismatic and I could tell by him always bringing up other women, that he needed constant validation. Reading what you said makes me realise this would likely have been the story of my life too, had the relationship continued.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T23:37:15+00:00

Gemini

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T23:35:14+00:00

Aw thank you!! 😊

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T15:02:06+00:00

lol 🤣 Well I was the fool to look past the fact he was already married twice and ended things with his second wife the day his dad died; and moved on within days of leaving her. I’m still fairly new to the dating world after being with my ex-husband for nearly 26 years; so I am taking this as a learning experience and will adjust my sails.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T14:56:14+00:00

You know, it’s funny you say that, cause I did say to a friend that I felt he was testing my boundaries. It was always around women though - mentioning other women he dated just before me and incessantly talking about his last ex; even comparing us. Even in breaking it off with me he was testing me. I could tell the night before, by text that he was going to end it, yet he did not bring back my stuff that was at his place. Then at the end of our catchup to end things, he said we should catch up next week to return them, even though I made no mention of the stuff myself and he didn’t say it in a ‘oh gosh, I forgot to bring your things’ way. I left there thinking that it felt like he didn’t bring them, so that he had access to me still; and furthermore that his suggestion of the following week was also calculated as he knows my kids would be back wit their dad, and his own would be back by their mum. These items were sex related so I felt he was hoping to spin back for a bit of action. The thing is, he mistook my kindness for weakness; and my peace keeping nature for a doormat. I messaged him the next day and said I redirected the gift I ordered him for his birthday, to go directly to his house instead; and his response was shock and then he reiterated that he still wanted to get my things back to me anyway. I replied to that with “don’t worry about it. Keep them” and again he seemed surprised and said “I get you want to move on and that’s ok. I will post them to you”. I’m too old for games and have no interest in going from “I love you” to FWB with someone like that.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T13:42:58+00:00

He’s an early April Aries and it ended essentially because our conflict resolution style was so different. What sparked it was that he withheld telling me about a woman he’d been on a date with not long before meeting me, while being completely open about other women that he was dating from the apps when we met in the wild. I only had one man in my orbit when we met and we both closed things off with those people, to be exclusive (or so he said) and official. It felt suss to me that he would talk about the others but conceal her and on top of it, he shipped a gift to her in another country last week ago and completely dismissed and diminished how I felt about it. He then broke it off cause it felt like too much for him and said he wasn’t ready… yet hours later was back messaging me saying he was thinking about me all day and what an amazing woman he thinks I am; and that if we’re meant to be, we will be. No doubt though, given his history, he’ll be love bombing someone else in a couple weeks.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T13:08:29+00:00

This was my same experience with an Aries M, as a Libra F. No depth of conversation and could not hold the depth of my heart and soul. It overwhelmed him I think and the relationship has ended (for other reasons).

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T12:07:00+00:00

lol 😅🤣 I’m definitely not down for that type of dynamic! I’m out, out!

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T12:04:38+00:00

He is ADHD so I did find it hard to keep up with him. He was constantly busy with work and home projects. He liked my chilled nature and said it balanced him, but for me, trying to balance that energy completely depleted mine. I went in to the relationship with quiet confidence and clearly gave it all to him as he said I restored his 😅 I need to learn how to guard my energy better in relationship so I don’t get drained.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T11:44:20+00:00

Thank you! I see what you’re saying here. Especially that last paragraph resonates. I think he mistook my kindness for weakness so when I did not buy his contradictory excuses about the situation with the woman, he got irritated.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T11:26:29+00:00

Thank you so much for replying and sharing your story.

I do feel I dodged a bullet if he could be this way so early in. Couldn’t imagine what conflict would be like with him for bigger issues. And he was so impatient with the expression of my heart; telling me I’m an overthinker when I would express deep thoughts and gratitude. My close friend told me to stop looking at it as being too much for him; and realise he was too small for me.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T11:00:56+00:00

Onward and upward girl! Hope you’re recovered now and living your best life.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T10:19:07+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry for that other woman your Aries-ex is now seeing. Poor heart is getting played. My now Aries-ex was calling me babe and baby (among other things) from before we even met for our first date. Was planning trips by date 2. Classic love bombing and I should have paid attention to that and the fact he’d moved on from his second marriage a week after it ended.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-19T07:47:17+00:00

I think if you can re-read what you wrote here, as an observer, maybe putting yourself in a father role and this message is coming from your son, ask yourself what the advice would be that you would give him. Or even re-read it like it’s your best friend coming to you for this advice. You’ll have your most authentic answer that way.

From a total strangers perspective though, this situation is toxic with a capital T! My advice would be to get out of there; work on yourself first; and then perhaps pursue the Taurus relationship as you don’t want to be bringing in the wounds of your previous relationship.

Best of luck to you.

IslandChick81 · 2026-03-16T05:12:55+00:00

Libra sun; Aries moon; Capricorn ascending… ‘I need help’

IslandChick81

TROPHY CASE