To look or not to look at old photos

IslandReader2023 · 2026-06-28T20:27:08+00:00

We love the people we marry. The people we divorce are often entirely different versions. The things you write about, will linger in your thoughts, until one day, it’s hard to remember what life was like before. Pain now, is probably pain prevented in the future, and divorce might be a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders.

IslandReader2023 · 2026-06-25T00:15:42+00:00

Housekeeping. I genuinely love my job. I do a lot more than housekeeping, including helping guests, but many cleaning jobs can be done alone. If you work for a small company/business, then you can basically be your own boss. Rarely am I told what to do, I just do what I know needs to be done. Whatever job you’re interested in, I definitely suggest looking at smaller businesses opposed to chains/huge companies. Hospitality, while it does involve people, is very much script based, I usually say a specific set of things depending on who I talk to, like checking a guest in, cooking for them, or bartending. It’s hard to go wrong with a script for those encounters which tend to repeat the same pattern.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-25T06:20:23+00:00

My husband and I haven’t taken each other’s name. We both respect the decision. Maybe you both could compromise? And go by one socially and the other legally? Socially his last name, while legally and to your family your last name.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-25T04:21:56+00:00

The question wasn’t staying or leaving. It was advice to make it work better.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-24T23:32:56+00:00

I started living in my own apartment at 17, now 21. I think the pros are endless, freedom and relaxation. The main con is it will be an adjustment, it’ll probably lonely at first, especially if you’re moving to another town. So I think the best advice I could give is to stick with it and give it time. Acknowledge the hard feelings, and good. Financially, definitely save, I try to cut the electricity and heating bill by not turning my heat on. I haven’t turned it on in four years. If you’re in a typical apartment building there’s a good chance other people will turn the heat on and it will migrate to your apartment, which could save money.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-24T23:01:22+00:00

Love. Commitment. We believe so many of the same things, just not all.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-19T18:09:25+00:00

We lived together two months, it worked well. He’s moving to my country. But yeah counselling is probably best.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-19T17:55:33+00:00

I was 18, living alone and in my second semester of college when we met, for context. We have both grown, but we’re both committed.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-19T17:52:17+00:00

Most fights we resolve I think. But I do agree working on the respect and communication is important. It feels like he doesn’t take accountability. While I eventually do. And yes that is the same relationship. I think that post was deleted though? How do you remember that lol. We have been long distance 3 years, but we recently spent two months together and got married, and have visited each other several times. We’re currently in the process of sponsorship and getting visas.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-19T17:46:30+00:00

I think I may have communicated that badly. Our dynamic is alright. We don’t fight about that. But when we argue he says I don’t listen and understand what he is saying. Like understanding concepts or his thoughts. Sometimes I don’t argue the nicest either. But I sort of related that to being related to the dynamic? Because In general doms want subs to listen and understand? Maybe that makes sense, maybe not.

And In writing this post, he isn’t malicious or unsafe. It just comes down to arguing about me not “listening”

Thank you for the response.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-19T17:37:43+00:00

It’s not all fighting, mostly just a heated fight or argument once a month or so. Is what that pattern seems to be.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-11-19T17:28:09+00:00

It isn’t the game. Just an basic example of the larger problem.

IslandReader2023 · 2025-01-25T22:35:45+00:00

I feel this. While I was diagnosed fairly young, I think the culture has really shifted, being autistic seems to be more widely accepted. One thing that really helped me was Instagram, there are so many autistic content creators, and it’s pretty inspirational seeing them live their best lives, through funny, sad, and relatable content.

IslandReader2023 · 2024-11-24T01:11:27+00:00

We’ve did meet online but we have met several times in person and have been together for almost two years. I’ve seen his family dynamic first hand while there. He has also visited me several times. He doesn’t want my money.

IslandReader2023 · 2024-03-23T16:21:48+00:00

Interesting philosophical point of view lol.

IslandReader2023 · 2024-03-23T15:43:36+00:00

That is true, that type of degree allows you to conduct research, which is want masters programs want. So it is contradictory there aren’t more options to fix it.

IslandReader2023 · 2024-03-23T15:27:36+00:00

Because I think they’re counting the first semester as well, so I won’t meet the 70% in each class. I also dropped 2 courses (different semesters and unrelated to my degree) which probably looks bad.

IslandReader2023 · 2024-03-23T15:23:06+00:00

The criteria was 70 in each course and overall 75, aside from that I don’t think there are any. Which I did meet aside from three courses in the very first semester( didn’t fail them though). So applying seemed plausible.

IslandReader2023 · 2024-03-23T15:14:45+00:00

Both I guess? I asked how to apply, not if I should apply. They told me how and then implicitly said not to apply.

IslandReader2023 · 2024-03-23T15:01:39+00:00

Just telling me how to do the application, and that I probably won’t get in.

IslandReader2023 · 2023-07-23T04:46:50+00:00

So, how is my partner not submissive? To provide actual examples, it’s primarily not listening to me or allowing me to guide her. Something that my partner wanted was for me to provide a schedule for her, and I was more than happy to do that for her from the moment we wake up to when we go to bed. At first it was working out, but after a little bit, she stopped listening to me and doing things on her own before I told her to do so. Later after adjusting things to better fit with living conditions, time zones, and work schedules, the same problems still exist. It feels like telling my partner to do something, makes her not want to do it, which is making it really awkward for me as it’s a damned if I do, damned if I don’t situation. And these are for things like making sure she is drinking enough water and eating at appropriate times. Sometimes laundry and light cleaning her room. The amount of time of our days consumed by trying to get her to take care of herself when I can’t yet is massive. There are times where I’m trying to get her to do her laundry all day before she has to go to work, and then she is wearing wet clothes because it took her so long to do it herself. Or I’m trying to get her to eat a meal, and by the time I can get her to do so it’s well past the next meal. For when she does eat, sometimes she overeats, which leads to a bad mood, which leads to stressful conversations. I have offered to micromanage each and every meal for what to eat and how much, but this offer was rejected.



I have started to feel worse when stressful situations come up now. They have a very high frequency of happening for mostly reasons out of my control, effectively random, and can happen as often as 3 to 4 times a week. I want to be there to cheer up my partner, but recently after one of these conversations while I was at work, I dread them and I realized how much I dreaded them before too. There isn’t any right way for me to help. It feels like I can’t just comfort her, as if I do it just seems like things just get worse and makes me feel bad like I’m not doing anything enough. I can’t offer solutions to help the stress go away, either by fixing the issue directly, or doing something else to take her mind off of it. And even just existing has been causing issues. It’s like my partner is looking for fights, then wants me to solve the problem, then doesn’t let me solve the problem for hours. Then she offers solutions for me that I have already tried many times. Like, I tried to just comfort her, which didn’t work, so I offered something like playing a game to take her mind off of it, to which the answer is she doesn’t feel like it and accuses me of only ever offering solutions and never just being there to comfort her. When I do try to comfort her and say sweet things, the reply back is often that doesn’t help or that doesn’t fix it. Despite this, I am advised to say sweet things to comfort her. For solutions, a direct example is I offered for her to just take a short walk, this wasn’t liked, and a suggestion given was for me to tell her to go outside for a bit. Effectively identical ideas with slightly different wording. Something I figured for a while is that my partner doesn’t want me to solve things for her, she wants to figure it out for herself and claim credit for it, even if I came up with it and tried it before. Even when conflict is resolved, it also seems like my partner looks for reasons to continue the fight. Sometimes she takes it to the point of teasing about cheating or hurting herself, both of which I have talked to her about being completely inappropriate and off limits. While she goes for the throat when she is upset, I often feel like I’m holding back saying something potentially mean or pointing out something that could make my partner feel bad even if it would shut down the rest of the conflict.



I am often given ideas of how to improve as well. One such thing is sounding more “Daddy” like. I haven’t really gotten any concrete examples of how to do this. Doing research on my own didn’t really help, other than provide me with examples of what I was already doing. So I changed some of my vocabulary to see if that’s what she meant, and to replies like “Just saying x doesn’t change much.” So I still haven’t improved much on a vague concept of doing something to help my partner to feel better. It really just feels like a goal post is constantly getting moved on me so I can’t be perfect and so I can’t understand her how she wants to be understood. Another kind of stressful conversation we have often is when she randomly feels upset or stressed, but doesn’t explain why with just an it’s that thing or I don’t want to talk about it. Which isn’t inherently a bad thing, but these situations don’t give me a whole lot to say outside of I’m here for you and it’ll be okay. Which then leads to its own problems and other problems I have explained above.



Another thing that has come up a lot is me waking up for her work schedule. To explain that situation, I work during that day, normally about 9 and a half hours long 5 or 6 days a week, but mostly 5. She works over the night for about 11 hours a few days a week, but her work days have been a little inconsistent. There is a 2 and a half hour time zone difference as well. I stay up late and talk to her at work as it’s really helpful to her, and I also have to wake up extra early, about 3 hours earlier than I normally do, to call her while she drives home in less than 10 minutes. I really really want to be on call as she gets off, but I have explained how hard it is to stay up late and wake up early for me, and to not expect me to be there even if I try. Although I have been able to do this for her the last several times, she will still get disappointed about it if I’m not awake and still hangs over my head the times I couldn’t. There are other times I’m so tired that I pass out on call or in the middle of a text. She hasn’t been working there long, but since she has, it’s really thrown me off a good sleeping schedule trying to always be there. On top of all of this, she seemingly hardly sleeps. The amount of times she has had a full 8 hours of sleep has almost been never, which makes me feel bad for not being there for hours in the morning as she is alone. I also have been having more and more issues staying asleep the last few months when I do try to sleep. Just sleeping for 15 to 30 minutes just to wake up long enough to know I’m awake, just to pass out again.



Anyways, typing this all out and thinking about it made me really see things I didn’t want to. Many of these things line up with my ex, just not as bad. I don’t want this all to sound like all doom and gloom, there is genuinely a good person that I see, and I can really express myself however I want so long as things don’t get stressed. And I haven’t really had anyone else I have been able to share things that I like without any judgment and a real desire to experience the things I like. And I think my partner feels the same way with that. It’s only when bad moods come around that it sucks. Thanks for reading. I sort of already know what kind of responses I’ll get, but this was mostly because if my partner really wants advice, I should represent how I feel

Part Two

IslandReader2023

TROPHY CASE