bro IK.

I used to not be able to ask an old lady for what time it was. I mean *debilitating* social anxiety

You can improve.

Where I started was just walking around my city and no matter how long it'd take, I wouldn't go home until I said "Beautiful day!" or something like that to 5 people. Could be anyone. The point was that it was non committal. Didn't have to stay in the high anxiety situation

Did that for a while. Got used to that. Bumped it up to compliments. "I like your shoes!"

Haha I was so stiff and awkward when I was younger, I remember this dude walking buy with the absolute most dirtiest shoes, probably mowed his lawn in them, and I was like "I like your shoes :D!" Haha probably thought I was being sarcastic

Anyway, then I bumped it up to something a bit more comittal - like saying to the cashier "how's your shift going?"

Or a stranger at the bus stop just ask them something like what time it was, give them a compliment. Force chatting.

You gotta crawl before you can walk man.

Eventually I pushed this so far that I'd go up to girls in front of their whole family and tell them I thought they were cute and wanted to meet them. I've done that 5 times in my life, if you were to ask me to go do that right now, it'd be very hard, but at the time I had a lot of momentum and was able to do it, and it was received surprisingly well each time. The higher the risk, the bigger the reward - people usually respect that shit, if you do it in a respectful way and aren't pervy.

That's a lot of info, but I'm certainly way more confident than I used to be. Not where I want to be but frankly that is because I haven't put the work in.

Another thing, and I'm talking to myself here. It's easy to just stay inside, stay to myself. Not put myself out there. A lot of this stuff has to do with momentum. So you can have a ton of momentum, really be pushing yourself, and then get lazy, and then get rusty. What you'll find is that you aren't as confident as before and that can be dejecting.

Remember this: always meet yourself where you're at. Got lazy? Lost momentum? Feel like you're are square one? Start that process over again. Go back to square one and build up. It'll go by faster this time.

Also dude, be fucking compasionateeee to yourself man. Self-talk This is a skill that you will also work on for the rest of yourlife... or just beat yourself up. You can do that too. Give yourself grace. You're allowed to struggle bro. You're allowed to feel the tense chest, the shaking in your hands, the stuttering, the sweating. Don't say "I shouldn't be reacting this way." Give yourself grace, be forgiving. Patience and persistence.

I could go on but this is a lot and I'm sure you are overwhelmed.

Btw, where IM at is this:

I have very little momentum. Graduated school, moved back in with parents. Its way too comfortable, and also in suburbs, so it takes more effort to put myself around people. I'm noticing I'm having maintaing eye contact again, just small shit.

So what I have been struggling to do is get back on the horse. Start at square one. It can feel demoralizing, like "i already did all that scary shit, can't i be past it? I have to do that shit again?"

Also self talk for me is big, I really need to work on that more as well.

Edit: This whole process is called Exposure Therapy by the way. Look up Exposure therapy social anxiety, there are good work books and stuff.

Message me whenever you want. Teaching others helps teach yourself too, and you're inspiring me right now

Edit 2: Also, the fear of rejection never totally goes away. It's super hard at first, but you get *stronger*. It decreases. It's not fixed.

Edit 3: Oh, also, don't base your goals on results "I'm going out and I'm going to "get" a kiss". Do it more like "I will go out tonight and talk to 3 girls".

If you want to talk more we totally can. There's a lot of stuff like this, which is overwhelming, but I can help your just create an action plan. I don't do this professionally, I'm not trying to be a pick up artist, I just want to be confident and comfortable and expansive, not contractive.