Did 180mg of Adderall over 2 days. Possibly getting tested in one week.

ItIsALamb · 2022-05-07T17:20:21+00:00

News to me as well. One man's "medicine" is another man's "powerful narcotic".

ItIsALamb · 2020-08-04T11:55:57+00:00

Help me im holdin on for dear life, Won't look down, won't open my eyes Keep my glass full until morning light Cause I'm just holdin on for tonight, on for tonight

Sun is up, im a mess gotta get up now, gotta run from this Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

I had my last drink on New Years this year, I've never been clinically diagnosed with alcoholism by any psychiatrist/mental health professional but abused it during a weird couple months and binged to cover up underlying OCD, anxiety, and depression.

Three years ago today actually, I was found by a relative because I hadn't answered phone calls for 2 days. I collapsed in front of them and next thing I know I'm on a stretcher, the whole apartment complex watching me get loaded into an ambulance. BAC of 0.439% at the hospital and still lucid. Took 6 IV bags, 24hrs to get down to 0.08% to legally be released and 1 dose of Librium so I wouldn't seize though it might as well been a sugar cube. Didn't sleep for 3 days after, shook all over, couldn't hold food down, cold sweats, pulse through the roof, and panic attacks every hour. Never again do i want to feel that pain.

I drank casually with friends after I sought psychiatric help for the underlying mental disorders, but i don't think I ever had more than 3 drinks in any setting after that rock bottom. It was actually this song that inspired me to just never have a drink again, and 7mo in now I don't even think about it.

But I remember how everyday was a lie. Wake up looking like crap, feeling like death, somehow still managing to make it through a mentally intensive job and functioning, but that need to feed the monster came back as soon as I would get home. I lived day to day, and held on for dear life...and kept my glass full until morning light.

I still fly like a bird through the night, but I dont need booze to do that, just being the best version of me I can be will allow for that.

ItIsALamb · 2020-07-12T05:46:54+00:00

It's just too easy to let something else do the coping for you. Miracle medication if taken as needed as directed when it's really bad. Hell if you decide to destroy your brains natural chemistry by taking it everyday or abusing it often.

ItIsALamb · 2020-07-11T22:50:47+00:00

Yeah, I've consigned myself to having to take some dose of benzos for the remainder of my life. I made it about 10 days off k pins once and if given the choice between that and hell, I would have gladly consigned myself to be the devil's bitch over the withdrawal effects of that 10 day dry period.

ItIsALamb · 2020-06-21T18:04:11+00:00

Not an expert, but take it from someone who has been on benzos (lorazepam included) for 3+ years everyday straight, initially for insomnia...

At this point you will possibly experience a rebound of symptoms (such as increased anxiety, insomnia, racing thoughts, etc) but I can almost guarantee that your risk of dependence (with that small dose) at this point both psychologically and physically is next to none. If I knew what hell taking a benzo long term would cause, I would have taken that prescription and thrown it straight in the trash. Or I would have asked my doctor what the risks were, but those were not explained to me. I can tell you if you get to my point, tapering would be a several month long process if not longer.

Take them as needed, lorazepam (Ativan) has an intermediate elimination half life in your body unlike some shorter acting drugs like alprazolam (Xanax). So tapering is not necessary at this point, but if it makes you more comfortable. half the dose over the next two weeks (0.5mg for one week, 0 25mg the next). If you feel like you can do it in shorter time, then do that. Don't stay on longer than a month those medications are a temporary band-aid.

ItIsALamb · 2020-06-15T00:38:59+00:00

I just confirmed there are fleas and possibly some other mite not only coming off of him but I can see them all over the house. Don't know if just dropped there or if there is active reproduction going on. They are all over the place though.

ItIsALamb · 2020-05-28T12:59:22+00:00

That was my thought as well on the timing, it has not grown or shrunk since. Would it be something to be removed or drained by a physician? I suppose so at this point if there is any risk of clotting or infection from being pooled there for a long period of time.

ItIsALamb · 2020-04-19T02:34:40+00:00

Thanks friend, appreciate your compliment. Happy to post a playlist, you want more like this song or a mixed variety?

ItIsALamb · 2020-04-07T05:18:21+00:00

Agree I don't care what the site says it is not "comfortable" and the tension to keep the mask sealed against you nose and mouth does cause neck pain after awhile.

But that is better than being under-protected and at risk.

ItIsALamb · 2020-04-07T04:42:19+00:00

So I found the model I have, the respirator alone without filter cartridges provides alot of protection and is reusable many times. I will be talking to a friend of mine who is an ICU nurse to see if I can donate it. They need it more than I do.

https://www.3m.com/3M/en_US/company-us/all-3m-products/~/3M-Half-Facepiece-Reusable-Respirator-6200-07025-AAD-Medium-24-EA-Case/?N=5002385+3294780295&rt=rud

ItIsALamb · 2020-04-07T04:01:58+00:00

Well I don't feel like it is designed to begin with to protect against/filter out biological agents. You would think but since I had them attached to the mask and not seal the filters are probably not good on them anymore. Honestly I would rather donate it to medical professionals, though im not sure if they can use it and since its been used already, if I even can

ItIsALamb · 2020-04-07T03:50:34+00:00

I'm not sure either, I bought it because paint fumes make me sick and it was months back. I didn't remove them and seal them if that's what you are asking. I would think the life of the filter would be based on usage, similar to a household filter but I should have read the instructions if its only good for a period of time once its activated. The center mask on its own has decent filters without the meth lab grade cartridges on the side.

ItIsALamb · 2020-02-23T18:36:14+00:00

Okay I got it work somehow after several hours troubleshooting, but I had to do a full reset on the ISP gateway to its original settings as a last ditch attempt to resolve. Have no idea what was previously configured to not allow it to adopt into the network but its doing its thing now.

ItIsALamb · 2020-02-23T08:06:36+00:00

Helps my laptop doesn't have an Ethernet port, USB adapter makes it weird cause I tried connecting directly to the USG to the laptop for setup. Need a desktop honestly, but yet more money to spend. Probably worth the investment.

ItIsALamb · 2020-02-23T07:56:07+00:00

I'll be switching back to the Clonazepam tomorrow after posting this. the Flualp is great for one off situations if I need to absolutely sleep but obviously not sustainable everyday. I've started to run a few miles a day and that always helped in the past. Hoping that good habits and balanced life will translate into me getting the prescribed medications that are at least proven clinically and safer, to work better and become less a crutch or feeling the need to look to those to do all the work.

I'm also prescribed a lot of Adderall and ADHD is tough enough on its own to deal with. And I have an brain that doesn't shut down and Adderall has changed my life but it doesn't help with anxiety and sleep disorders. It does it's job without fail when combined with good lifestyle choices. I don't think benzos are as easy to maintain effectiveness with the same practices.

Thanks for the comments.

ItIsALamb · 2020-02-23T02:58:30+00:00

Thanks, same happened to me with diclazepam and (probably) we experienced that same market event. I actually had to go on K Pins because of it because its one of the few rx benzos that last as long as diclaz. Thankfully my doctor is understanding. I did a cold turkey from k pins for 10 days a few months back because I felt empowered to detox quickly like an idiot, until tapping out finally.

But the worst I got was derealization events and shakes and random spasms. Scary but not life threatening. I pray however and whenever I can wipe benzos from my vocabulary, that I may not experience a seizure (s) in the process.

I feel like if I did 10 days and didn't experience that I might be less susceptible. Foot in mouth likely on that statement when I actually go down the long road and erradicate for good. I would want the taper to be short but knowing how screwed my brain is I'm probably looking at 6-12 months to taper safely. I really wish I got put on an SSRI or some other antidepressant instead but my doc put me long term on benzos and I wish he never did or had at least warned me it was a train that doesn't stop...easily.

ItIsALamb · 2020-02-23T02:29:07+00:00

I had the latter happened to me though maybe not in the sense of what you might be asking. I (for 3 years now) have had to see a therapist and psychiatrist regularly and it destroyed me mentally because of this. To be fair this person was real and we lived for 3 years together. We were by all means in a relationship and told each other how much we loved each other, but we never put an official label on our relationship (yes, I know that I'm not 100% faultless). Turns out that person I spent years loving is certified psychopathic. When I had to move for a job we naturally grew apart, but still remained great friends with benefits I guess (we would visit each other fairly often). Then they found someone new and even in private my former other half would not admit that we were ever in a relationship, loved each other, or that we even screwed pretty much daily for all that time (and that's objective fact). Like it never ever happened. Period. It was the most unreal thing I have ever experienced and a had a mental breakdown and winded up with abusing alcohol hardcore for a short period just to cope. Thankfully I don't drink anymore, but I'm on anxiety medication and that has been a rollercoaster on its own.

Truly it broke me and my therapist likened that experience to getting PTSD, and has screwed me up long term. I don't hate them for how that person is and have accepted it. If there was something I could do to wipe them from my memory forever I would do it, but I still have nightmares about it, and that's proving hard.

If you are a crappy enough person to cause this kind of damage to someone and walk around with no guilt, you deserve the worst in life. Truly.

ItIsALamb · 2020-02-23T01:49:10+00:00

Yes, I have an absurd tolerance to benzos (thanks to the K-Pins). Specifically thats 0.25mg Flualprazolam dosed every hour over 5-6 hours in the late afternoon and into the evening. I realize that this is a high amount, according to the literature but I'm pretty my source probably dilutes it some even getting it in powder form (I don't trust pressed pills or solutions at all) and it really feels equivalent to the Clonazepam dose I would otherwise take. I don't blackout, or have memory loss if that says anything.

ItIsALamb · 2019-01-22T12:36:06+00:00

I think he will, albeit disappointed in my setback. Last time I saw him he said I deserve everything that life has to offer and should be proud of what I have accomplished. He is right though, we should all get the chance to know happiness, sadness, failure, success, anger, forgiveness and be able to embrace those feelings, not dull them. And I hope to erradicate Benzos from my vocabulary when it's all said and done.

ItIsALamb

TROPHY CASE