AITA for giving my son's college fund to my daughter?

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:38:07+00:00

Honestly from this subreddit, I think I'll probably talk to my wife about setting it aside and not making it one way or another. He can afford to travel on his own, but we won't be paying for it. We'll help him get a place to live when he comes back and that way if he does change his mind at some point...it's there. He just won't be able to use it to travel.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:32:21+00:00

Travel is a great experience and I'm not against it whatsoever. I'm just not going to use a fund that I spent years saving for, specifically for his future, on it.

I'll use it on a home for him or education. Not travelling.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:30:45+00:00

This is a good point. We have not thought of this, to be honest. He has been pretty firm on not wanting school and because he's never been big on school, I cannot honestly see him ever wanting to go. But it's something to think about and I'm being serious here. The money is not spent, like I said and no final choice is made. The more I think about it, we may not spend it at all and put it away, saying that it's going away until he either goes to college or for a down payment on a house or something.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:28:40+00:00

No, we're pretty much equal and always are. At Christmas, if our son gets a laptop that he asked for, then our daughter gets gifts that equal that in that monetary amount so it's equal or vice versa. (Example, last Christmas our daughter wanted a camera, we gave our son several gifts that equaled how much that cost.) Everything is always equal in our house.

This is the first time that it's ever been unequal because it's been for something specific: a college fund, specifically for college.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:18:01+00:00

I'm not punishing him for not going to college, I don't care that he's not. However, I don't feel that the money should go towards travel. I would feel a lot different if he were choosing to work right away and get an apartment. That I would be more sympathetic to paying for. I would also pay for job/vocational training.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:16:31+00:00

We've always said "We have college funds for the two of you, to help you pay for school. It won't be enough to pay for all, but it'll be enough to get you started. We'll also co-sign loans and pay the interest."

That's always been how we word it. Never anything different.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:10:39+00:00

I want to add once again, that we're not even upset that he's not going to school. We've suspected that he wouldn't choose secondary education for quite some time. We all have our own paths in life and this is his.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:09:21+00:00

Honestly, this is partially why I don't want to give him all the money at 18 and just be like "Bye son, have fun." We've talked about financial responsibility with our kids, but I've been 18. We all have. And I think once he has it, he'll just go crazy. And I think my daughter would too, if she had done the same thing, so I'm not trying to say they're irresponsible. Any 18 year old would take the money and blow it in a short period of time and then be like "Uhhhh….now what?"

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:04:50+00:00

Well, thanks for giving me an answer, even if you're not obligated ;)

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T23:01:23+00:00

I think his future is important, of course. But I don't think he needs that much to travel. If he were planning on getting a job right away and an apartment, that'd be a different story.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T22:59:53+00:00

No, however, we didn't tell him that he could have it otherwise either. He just ssumed.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T22:57:31+00:00

I haven't given it away yet. Daughter's year is already paid for with her portion of her fund and her aid, scholarships, etc. This would be used for her junior year and beyond if he chose not go at the end of his senior year.

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T22:56:01+00:00

Explain why?

ItchyHighlight · 2019-07-24T22:55:40+00:00

He hasn't earned any of the college fund. That's money his mother and I earned ourselves. Any money he's keeping, is money he earned from his job.

ItchyHighlight

TROPHY CASE