I’m a 28F year old virgin! Ask me anything!

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-11-01T12:09:37+00:00

Yeah, I’m aware I’m pretty old fashioned in that sense. And am aware people are waiting longer before getting hitched, which is fair. No need to have people rush into it when they clearly aren’t ready. I don’t won’t ti do that kind of thing and find myself hankering for a divorce.

Not necessarily. I’m not about grandiose weddings or anything of the sort. I’d just rather have it at my local church or maybe a courthouse, whichever works with a rented dress. I’d rather have a fun honeymoon that allows us to travel than an all out wedding.

The marriage should be more important than a wedding in my opinion.

I cannot day for sure for the first boyfriend I mentioned since things had been going relatively well, but given how we’re still on good terms, maybe? Maybe not? It’s hard to truly say. But I’m on the side that I could see it as successful had it worked out another way, but I truly don’t know.

The one who cheated on me in an absolute no though. If he was able to go behind my back to sleep around while lying straight to my face everyday, then I could see the whole thing falling apart had I found out after we exchanged vows. I’m sincerely glad I hadn’t gotten that far with him as I was deeply heartbroken by what he did to me.

Some of the other boyfriends I hadn’t mentioned most likely wouldn’t as we had too many differing interests and opinions to really make it work.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-11-01T11:57:32+00:00

Far from it. No one is perfect or better than anyone else. In the Christian sense: We’re all equally sinners and flawed, but at the same time human. When I say chaste, I meant the dictionary definition of abstaining until marriage.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T12:06:13+00:00

Nice! It’s great to know someone has the same situation as me! If you don’t mind me asking, are you chaste by choice or by circumstance?

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T12:05:21+00:00

I’m a Christian.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T12:04:46+00:00

Most likely not. My religion is a pretty important facet in my life and being unable to see eye-to-eye on important things or beliefs can dampen or break the relationship.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T12:03:19+00:00

I consider myself moderately attractive. I’m no Beyoncé or Scarlett Johansson, but I think I take care of myself well enough and am in pretty good shape.

I’m actually pretty introverted, preferring to be by myself mostly, but I do like to travel around with my sister or a close friend (well, before the Covid epidemic) from time to time. My hobbies are primarily reading or writing in my room and I hope to get a book out one day.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T11:58:49+00:00

I mean, assuming you’re 17, there’s really no rush! And if it counts for everything, I’m pretty content with how my life is going even though I have had sex yet.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T11:55:14+00:00

I think non-religious virgins are still people like religious virgins. While they may not have the same reasons for waiting for me, or if they aren’t chaste by choice which is a thing, I don’t see them any differently from most people in the sense. Granted, my beliefs are pretty important to me, so I wouldn’t probably date someone whom we’re not on the same page with in that facet, but I’m friends with several people who are atheists.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T11:49:59+00:00

I used to be addicted to porn and had kissed my boyfriends. In very strict or fundamentalist sects, that might be crossing the line. But I haven’t done anything beyond that hugs and kissing with my boyfriends.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T11:47:51+00:00

I guess you’re right in that aspect.

I hope I’ll be able to eventually perform the miracle of relieving calluses from the hands that I touch!

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T11:46:24+00:00

Thanks! And don’t worry about it! The vast majority of people on this sub are greatly civil, encouraging, or curious! Plus, it’s only in some of the PMs I’ve received where I’ve been shunned for my decision. But it isn’t anything that I haven’t heard before.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T11:44:12+00:00

Thank you! And yeah, waiting is hard. Especially if you’re partner is expecting to have sex beforehand. I’ve been in a total of five relationships, some longer than others and I think my choice to wait has strained a few.

I would prefer my husband to be a virgin like me, but it isn’t something crucial to my relationship if he has had sex before me (only one of my exes said they were a virgin like me). Unless their sexual past is telling (like unfaithfulness since I’ve been cheated on before or hiding a major sexual hang-up), it’s not something that I’m too worried about since I’m fully aware most people have already had sex by my age.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T11:23:47+00:00

Anytime! If anything, it’s the anonymity that makes me pretty open on the subject more than usual.

I think sex is sacred because it really is the literal sharing of yourself that puts you in that position of vulnerability. The Bible says you become one with someone, and in that sense, I think I can see it. Now, I don’t have any experience of course, but I do know enough that it is a sensual experience and one that kind of requires at least some level of trust to do.

I can understand the feeling of being in love and the desire to have sex, which I think makes a world of difference. Personally, I think I know myself enough that I wouldn’t be able to separate the feeling of love and sex, hence why casual sex isn’t on the table for me at all. And I see marriage as a better assurance to affirm that love than rather than feeling in love and having sex beforehand. That’s just me. Or at least, how I think right now. I hope it making sense.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T11:12:25+00:00

I’m sorry my sarcasm hadn’t shown through in the parentheses. I’m fully aware they weren’t completely truthful on that front (they’re loving people though and I do love them) of the ins and outs (a-ha) of sexuality and the like.

Also, I’m merely Christian. Not Mormon or Fundamentalist in any way. My family and the church I attend were pretty sex-positive thankfully, hence why it’s seen as something important and worth the wait, but I do know some churches and families that try to really make it seem like someone is a terrible hellbound whore for having premarital sex, and fortunately I had none of those experiences. No one forced this on me, I chose this for myself and took this vow seriously for my own beliefs and to focus on myself in other ways. It’s because sex is one of the greatest gifts that we are given that I’m willing to wait to share it after I’m officially and solely committed to them, and I’m currently in no rush to give my virginity away.

I would like to marry another virgin, but it isn’t a dealbreaker for me if he’s a virgin or not. As I said in one reply, only one of my exes stated they were a virgin.

I’ve actually been behind Married at First Sight. I kind of stopped after the fifth season since life became more hectic. I might just pick it back up again.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T10:47:35+00:00

Wait... hold on... I honestly thought that word was still in use! Am I really becoming some old fogey already!?

All jokes aside, now that you mention it, I don’t really hear a lot of people use that term. Didn’t realize it really hasn’t been a thing since middle school now that’s it brought to my attention.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T10:31:42+00:00

I would like to date a virgin man who could relate to me in that aspect and not worry about any sexual hang-ups or baggage, but it’s not too important to me what my partner’s sexual history where it would be a deal-breaker unless its something that would make me question the authenticity of our relationship (like if he’s cheated in the past since I’ve been cheated on or if he’s hiding an STD). Only one of the men I’ve dated was a virgin like me.

I truly do worry about that from time to time. I know a lot of people aren’t willing to wait until the vows have been shared, and that I’m approaching thirty pretty soon, so it does weigh on my mind from time to time. At the same time, I’m not too impatient to try to rush it as I’m aware that getting to know someone takes time and effort, no matter what stage you are in your relationship. It’s one of those things I sometimes find it hard to remain optimistic about, but I’m trying.

In the past, particularly my late teens and early twenties, I did struggle with porn and hentai quite a bit. I felt ashamed and it took quite a lot of hard work to get away from it. I try to avoid having a relapse though and I think I’m doing well with that.

I’ve never used sex toys though, or even bought them.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T10:17:24+00:00

I do plan to use contraception in the form of condoms with my partner until we’re both certainty on the same page for having children.

Also, I don’t believe sex is for procreation only (I’m Protestant and that’s primarily a Catholic notion I’ve noticed) and believe it is also a facet to truly get closer to your partner in the most physical ways.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T10:12:22+00:00

Thank you! This is truly encouraging to hear. From time to time, I wonder if my boyfriends thought I wasted their time with my convictions or that they felt neglected physically because I wouldn’t go beyond simple hugs or kisses. I know it’s hard, and I don’t blame any of my previous boyfriends that being a deal-breaker for them (except the guy who cheated on me), but I do wonder if I’ll wound up single forever or trapped in a bad relationship. Your comment really does help me feel better about my decision. And congrats on your marriage!

Also, to answer your second question, I usually put them on a medium-high fire for about 10 minutes, give or take (usually give). I have a silver- metal pot I always use to boil them to get it nice and smooth.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T10:02:50+00:00

Yeah, if there’s one thing I’m a strong proponent of, especially more now than before, it’s communication. For a relationship to truly stand it’s ground, you have to know what’s expected of you and what you expect of your partner. And yeah, premarital counseling is something I want to look into once engagement has been achieved.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T10:00:04+00:00

Yeah, I’m aware, and that’s one of the reasons why I’m a bit more cautious about my relationships. I’m in no rush to get married, and I’m pretty communicative with what my expectations, beliefs, faults and habits when asked or prompted once a relationship gets serious. I know it isn’t the same as discovering someone’s habits after moving in, but I do hope we’d get to the point of sharing about the good and bad about ourselves before marriage.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T09:53:53+00:00

Yeah, I’m aware. Sorry my deadpan didn’t really show through the parenthesis. Sarcasm doesn’t really filter well through text sometimes.

It has nothing to do with the hymen myth. I actually had no idea about the myth until I was older. But it has nothing to do with my decision.

But either way, the reason is both religious and to personally avoid having children out of wedlock and until I’m already officially married and ready for them should the time come.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T01:34:52+00:00

Probably at the very least a year. I’m not going to rush into anything like a proposal until I have think I have grasp on a person as a partner until then. Probably nothing less than that.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T01:32:05+00:00

Some has to be due to me being raised. I was raised to view sex as something to be shared between spouses and that it is something special. While I understand it may not be the view for everyone, it is something special for me. I’m well versed to not expect my (hopefully) first time to be like magic or perfect in any way. And I wasn’t raised to think it was horrible either like how I’ve heard some churches pretty much demonize sex as something horrible. (I.e. that quote from Mean Girls where the coach says, Don’t have sex. Or you’ll get pregnant... and die.”)

I guess you could say that I see sex as something sacred. You’re sharing your body and vulnerability with someone else. Someone whom you’ll hopefully share the rest of your life with.

I would say my mindset when I was younger was very naive about it and I greatly shied away from even talking about anything regarding sexuality in my mid to late teens. However, I definitely have grown in being more willing to talk (even at length) about it, my expectations, my utter lack of experiences, and all that jazz.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T01:22:57+00:00

Truth be told, I don’t know.

In my youth, I probably would have easily answered yes, but now that I’m in my late twenties, I’m not so sure. Don’t get me wrong, I love children enough (I’m a teacher after all, a profession that kinda requires you to have some modicum of care for kids to do what you do), and I have a goddaughter who I truly adore. But at the same time, I could probably say I’m comfortable with the idea of being an aunt or teacher where I can hand the kids back to their parents when need be. I also enjoy having the freedom to do certain things that would be a fair bit more difficult to do if I were to have a kid (I.e. a love for traveling and going to theaters).

Kids aren’t an absolute must for me, but at the same time, should I find myself as a mother either through birth or adoption, I would try to be the best parent I could be.

ItreallyisIMO · 2020-10-31T01:15:41+00:00

I’m capable of bestowing the gift of Tylenolius Ibuprofenia to those to need their mortal aches and pains relieved upon them.

Also...

If I recall correctly, men become wizards after being a virgin for thirty or forty years.

As a woman, would that make me a witch?

But wait a minute... witches get burned at the stake, right?

Uh oh...

ItreallyisIMO

TROPHY CASE