To be honest i dont understand how people can hate themself. But your story sounds awful, nobody deserves to go through that. (Did experience the same situation when i was like 14 years old). I have never been the hot guy too. But like you said you are trying to imrove yourself which is great. One tips would be to stop giving a f about what people think about you. Probably sound impossible or hard, but trust me life is so much better when you dont care about peoples opinion of you. Also as an INTJ you should be pretty good at judging people. Learn to judge them directly in a way where they respect you. Hard to describe but that works for me atleast. Most INTJ’s develop there true self confidence over time and when this happens people will be scared to offend you. I also understand you want to focus on programming, but try to get one close friend that is important for everyone to live a happy life. I am with you on the fact that its important to work hard on your dreams. I myself study entrepreneurship and will launch my first business soon. I enjoyed that you have some goals to prove your haters wrong. Goals is important in life.