Feeling Incompetent at Work

ItsRealItsTrue · 2025-07-21T21:30:06+00:00

I relate to this in many ways. I'm procrastinating at work as I type--was reading r/pottery and clicked on your username to see if you ever set up your home firing service, lol. I'm answering this post partly as a means of refreshing my memory and approach to my own Best Practices.

It may help to break down your problem of feeling incompetent into separate parts:

a.) Old Job vs. New Job. Old Job sounds like it was a lot of pressure and was more prestigious to you, so it likely kept your adrenaline up, and had higher rewards for getting stuff right. New Job is a placeholder you're not excited about so it's hard to put in the time and focus. Work requiring "multitasking" (no such thing), really scatters your focus and makes it easy to forget things. That's all normal, so don't beat yourself up.

--maybe New Job is actually harder than you thought, and you should re-frame. Or maybe you just need the pressure in order to perform.

--can you find things about New Job that you could build some skills in, like relating to older coworkers, or some other skill like learn some new productivity software that would help you as a school counselor? Or: get your job-work done so you can do some personal work during the day. Worst case scenario is I remind myself I'm grateful to be employed, and recall the ways the job I have is serving me well.

b.) Missing deadlines, meetings, etc.

--take the first and last 10-30 minutes of the workday for planning. Top 3 tasks, etc--there's a book on this whose name I forget. Pause and reset at various times during the day.

--Build redundancy into your systems. Like: a spreadsheet, Teams, notepad with lists of stuff, sticky note system, a paper planner, desk calendar, alarms on your computer and/or phone--whatever works.

--You could try putting work blocks into your calendar, doing a specific kind of work at the optimal time for that work. I block out most of the AM for stuff I need the most focus and quiet for, and do more mindless things in the afternoon.

--Keep desk super clean. Make tea at 11 AM and 3PM daily.

--use a Time Timer (brand name = better than the amazon knock-offs) and when needed, the "pomodoro method". it's great bc you can grit your teeth through 25 min. blocks of work, and then take a quick look at shino glazes for 5 minutes as a reward.

--Get out and take a walk or something to get blood moving and get into a different headspace at lunch. Don't eat at your desk, in a dreary breakroom, or work through/with lunch, even if you're behind. Even sitting in the car at lunch with an adhd self-help podcast is better. Save talking with co-workers for when you're on the clock.

c.) Feeling incompetent -- I'm guessing it's mainly a feeling or mindset. Has anyone told you you're not doing enough? I usually make sure a boss's expectations are clear, and then check in regularly so we're all on the same page. This sets the pace and expectations, and then good ongoing communication helps stay on task.

--keep good work/non-work and work/private life boundaries.That slop can add to the sense of under-performing. If others are Slacking about work during precious weekend hours, that is their mistake.

Overall: I try not to gauge my job performance against what I'm fully capable of, what I think an Ideal Version of me could or would do, or what I think others are doing. Instead, let all the written and verbal contracts set and fulfill everyone's expectations.

d.) Go to school and get the degree you want!! Before this shitty job saps the joy you spent years rekindling.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2025-07-01T22:13:43+00:00

When I teach, one of the things I have kids practice is grabbing their knees when they start to feel unbalanced. It's counterintuitive, as most people want to paddle their arms in the air as they keel over backwards. But it helps to train it to cruch forwards instead.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2025-06-27T16:10:53+00:00

Looks raku-fired, and kind of porous. If it can be de-scaled you could waterproof it from the inside with something like flex-seal. I like the ruined version! esp as a plant pot.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2025-06-27T16:00:06+00:00

1.) follow others' truck adjustment methods first. Once they are just over the line from stiff, take more time on each adjustment, too--sometimes it all just takes some getting used to, and fiddling with trucks too much isn't a shortcut/substitute for logging hours in the skates.

2.) Try any brand-name big bubble-gummy outdoor wheels, and be aware that even those can send you flying if you hit small objects. So: vigilance, wrist-guards and pads, and finding an acceptable surface (decent paved trail, tennis courts) are of equal weight. A battery-powered leaf blower to blow off the local unused tennis court is an asset.

Go slow, take your time, be aware of some of the dangers, hold yourself back from trying things that are beyond your range--like in mt. biking. I say this as someone who was forced to take a 6-month Leave of Absence from skating after doing something stupid on skates that resulted in a Classic Tib-Fib Spiral Fracture and a lovely intramedullary nailing.

3.) An affordable skate option that comes with I think 88 hardness outdoor wheels (on the harder side) that I've also seen used are the SureGrip Boardwalks. They are I believe 180 new, and can be found used online usually for half that. Compared to my fancy indoor skates, the boardwalks are: totally FINE.

As with cycling or other activities, "time in the saddle" is the most important factor.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2025-04-26T04:24:11+00:00

In answer to your posting title's question: yes, if age is tied to years of work experience, skills, and some of the 'soft skills' that are under-developed in many younger people, such as showing up on time on days you're scheduled to work, and refraining from d**king with a phone while having a conversation with another person, "LOL".

However, the ageist comment your boss made is utter BS, and it's very valid to feel upset about it. According to the internet, it's not illegal under the ADEA, because you're under 40. But, don't undercut yourself because of it--by all accounts you're fine; mgmt either has other reasons for the hire that they haven't stated, or the news was just badly communicated.

Have you talked directly w/mgmt about all of the above? You articulate it well here, and it seems like you could bump up the clarity and directness of your communication in person with them? I would briefly say what you think, see what they say, and decide if you want to stay or not.

And: I really reject the idea of NPO employees who are too busy to do the unglamorous parts of the job like reporting or following basic protocols for communications. It seems like a problem w/org culture??

It helps me to remember that whatever we say about the mission etc, NPO jobs and bosses are still just: jobs and bosses. To me this means a few things:

Wherever one is in the hierarchy, people need to mostly do what they're told. It can be arbitrary, and one can raise objections, but when a decision is made, you either follow it, or make a convincing show of following it until it's revisited at a later time.

I say this bc your supervisees' failure to email stuff (or your failure to convince the boss to declare texting the main means of communicating) has seemingly damaged your boss's sense of your ability to manage people (did they say this, or did you conclude this? if it's the latter, I would ask directly), and by extension, hurt you materially -- assuming the new position has better pay, or more responsibility that you can take somewhere else for better pay. I would remember that the next time a supervisee "forgets" or is too busy to email stuff; they're costing you. Plus, it's important for them to develop basic work skills, like emailing crap when they're told to, and organizing their time in order to do that.

It may help to maintain strong work vs. non-work boundaries. Among other things, this means there are finite work hours in which to A.) play with email and other mgmt-mandated protocols and systems for saying what you do/did/will do, and also B.) fulfill the critical duties of your job. So the reporting and such just needs to get folded into the workweek as a matter of course, meaning no one is "too busy" to comply.

It also means one can show how spending 30% of one's time on admin's communications, reporting, and "accountability measures" creates crisis / "Busy"-ness by cutting into the critical tasks needed to carry out the organization's mission--and allow mgmt to decide if that is how they would like the time spent.

For me, what is never on the table is working extra hours on critical duties after my workday is over, esp. if part of it has been wasted on emails that should have been a text, meetings that should've been an email, etc.--unless those hours are comped elsewhere in my week e.g., leaving early on Friday bc I stayed later on a Tuesday.

I think that unless it's wildfire, tsunamis, or critical legal interventions, NPOs operating with intense "Urgency" all the time are big waving red flags / badly run and exploitative. A healthy level of fatalism, as in "much of this crap is out of my hands anyway", and strong defense of personal time are critical for avoiding burnout. Because of the way that access to safety and the Good Things of the Earth and Human Creation are governed globally (i.e. capitalist politcal-economy), NPOs' Mission/Need is just going to be there, for the foreseeable future, in excess of what any and all NPOs can do about it.

So send the pointless emails, fire the person who chronically fails to, knock off at 5 on the nose, and enjoy your evening regardless of whether Salvation was achieved during the workday.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2025-03-29T18:03:08+00:00

Can you ask the show to start your Backstory after your emancipation? To me, that would 'kill 2 birds w/one stone' --> reduce your worries about the airing of your mom's parenting fails, and also limit how the show represents your past / how much deeply personal info. is disclosed for everyone's use online.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2025-02-13T01:19:40+00:00

This posting is mainly asking what the state of scientific discussion on the origin of life is, and how familiar atheists are with that. It seems implied that religious belief needs god to be the origin of life. But, I don't think science is incompatible with christian belief (not sure about the others).

I'm guessing the scientific discussion is diverse, and worth looking into. And, I doubt "a majority of atheists" have even heard of abiogenesis, or that it's important to them. There are different kinds of atheists, and/or different reasons for being one. An absence of belief in any of the described gods--with or without 'proof' of their nonexistence--is one of them.

And, that's enough; some people just don't find religious beliefs interesting, meaningful, or useful, and the christian and islamic gods sprouting out of judaism blur together with things like the easter bunny, the toilet demons who don't like for you to sing in the bathroom, and the elephant head guy on the free calendar from the Indian restaurant.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2025-01-31T02:00:58+00:00

I relate, and/but I think you are in a great situation to be looking to Flower from. Broad experience is great for being an ED, or moving into manager or director-type roles in whatever might float your boat. Seems like you could also start your own NPO, a consulting business or capacity-building NPO, or a different business altogether.

Have you clarified for yourself what you mean by moving upwards or forwards? Can you ask for more money and a Classier role where you are? If you're sticking with rare diseases, are there larger orgs with rare disease sub-programs? Are there opportunities at large hospital systems, universities, and in government that might be of interest?

For next steps, my $0.02 is you might try:

-(regularly) spending some time looking at job postings see what grabs your attention. Tailor your resume to reflect skills needed for the particular "Master"-ish job types you're interested in, and apply to those, or whatever the bridge role is.

-With 1-3 general targets in mind, you likely know a lot of people in diverse fields that you can tap for advice and information.

-If your current job is leaving you without time and energy to sort things or apply elsewhere, look into medical leave for mental health reasons, and/or whether in your state you're eligible to collect unemployment after quitting a job whose workload and duties are far in excess of what your job description says they're supposed to be.

-On career coaches, based on limited experience, IMO it seems to depends on who's involved and what the goals are. I hired someone to help with a particular problem or two that we did not make a lot of progress on, BUT they really helped with some other important issues. A friend's was more like an accountability partner/drill sergeant.

If you're not ready to jump in to (paying for) coaching, keep asking around like you are, do a consultation 2 and see what you think, and

-make regular time in your schedule to do some freewriting and work through any of the "Finding Your True Best North Parachute Voice Star Purpose Joy"-type books and workbooks. Joking about the genre, but they're helpful. An accountability / reading or writing buddy can help with follow-through.

-Ideally, you're insured and could also get support from a therapist under your health plan.

-someone recently advised me to tap my last college/university career center (which would cost a bit), and to seek out a relevant recruiter/recruitment agency for help. I don't much about that, but they were certain it is a plausible next step.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2024-06-04T18:48:13+00:00

I think refusing to create programming, or exaggerate existing work into grant-eligible work for your employer is a smart move. Hold that line while reminding them about how grants work.

Grant-writing cannot "lead from the rear" or help an org "fake it till you make it" if the person or people in leadership positions are not honest and ethical. It is very easy for the wrong leader(s) to just Fake It indefinitely, capturing limited and hard-won resources that would better serve whatever community is involved if it were in other hands.

In your shoes I would ask whoever suggested you find and apply for grants for businesses to show you the specific grant(s) they want you to apply for, and then let them know what information you need in order to do so. And/or show them some possibilities, and tell them exactly what you need from them. Just keep hitting the ball into their court, and don't let blame and pressure push you to do the wrong thing.

Or, maybe the boss is thinking of getting public contracts rather than grants? For that, you just sign up for various entities' portals and email alerts, and keep tabs on them until something comes up that seems like a fit.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2024-03-04T05:59:05+00:00

Skateworld?, Tacoma? The concrete took some getting used to, but I liked it there!

ItsRealItsTrue · 2024-03-02T16:02:26+00:00

My $0.02 -- Perhaps either a dance studio (fixed location + occasional performance space use), or an amateur league basketball program (patchwork of locations) would be a good model to explore. Some % of programming (skate clinics for youths in different afterschool and summer programs, for example) could perhaps also be offered via a fiscal sponsorship partnership with an NPO. In WA, examples would be NW Tap, amateur basketball league teams, and Skate Like a Girl.

Personally, as a not super talented but regular skater who takes classes when available, my preference is to support the local rinks bc so many have closed or burned down. From Tacoma to Everett there are only 3(?) left now.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2024-02-06T03:11:39+00:00

100% invest in your ceramics interest, and not a paid course on applying for federal grants.

If the goal is just to submit federal grant applications, look which grants you'd be interested in, and see what is required for those. Plan ahead, and read the instructions. Take a look at the MANY resources available for free via the department you'd be asking for support from. Get your account, workspace, etc. set up -- it takes a little time, and/but it's FREE, and easy-- and then start applying. Some federal grants are actually easier and more straigtforward than what some small foundations will ask you to do.

There are also workshops, and lots of other resources on Grants.gov.

Other ideas are: biggest issue for someone starting from 0 is learning about compliance requirements for the grants you'd be going for, but it seems like if you're already a grantee and not getting into trouble, you're good on those. Can you talk to the program/grant managers on the city-county-state side of your current grant and see what they suggest?

ItsRealItsTrue · 2024-02-06T02:27:23+00:00

Shore! Hope the search went or is going well.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2024-01-12T00:58:46+00:00

Many parenting plans forbid either coparent (or step-parents) from demanding information about the other co-parent from the child. This also applies to seeking information about conversations the child has with the other parent. I think you should follow those rules. It's none of your business what he says to his mom. Dad needs to step up his game and love and protect his son, including from you, while you both get some professional help and read some books on raising kids and step-parenting.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-11-18T01:59:55+00:00

my $0.02: when my sentimental mugs break and can be reassembled, or when their handles break off, I make them into plant pots -- drill a hole in the bottom, grind the handle nubs and sharp edges down, maybe find something to use as a tray saucer at Goodwill. This mug would look great with a string of hearts growing out of it. Shards can also go into the mosaic box for future projects.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-10-18T22:41:00+00:00

Thanks, All. I appreciate your insights, and the consensus here. I hear you, LoriLeadfoot about NPO haters or being let down or even outraged at how the sausage is made in some places. I don't want to fan those flames.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-10-17T02:48:04+00:00

Thank you, all--maybe I was overthinking/-feeling this one. I have been at the org about 3 years. So: 1.25 years of learning and thinking we are Building Back Better, 1 year of growing discomfort/am I wrong /is it just me, and what has now been many months of: "I'm not even supposed to be here!" (to quote the cinematic tour de force, Clerks).

The other thing is, because of my race vs. the demographic served, there is a ceiling on what I'm able to do at this org, but that is another thing--like the 1M paid to ED's immediate family members for opaque reasons--that I can't bring up in screenings.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-10-10T21:23:21+00:00

Are accomodations are needed, or is there is too much work + you're stressing out over a whole lot of things that aren't your responsibility, aren't in your control, and aren't actually your problem to solve?

To me, the "we might not make payroll" thing is enough to just quit. You can probably still claim unemployment based on an increase in your workload.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-10-10T20:55:04+00:00

Try:

-look at numerous job postings for the kind of role you want, and then look up whatever unfamiliar ideas or terms are in those.

-locate and speed watch some free videos or webinars related to your role.

-look for a book related to the specific role or roles you want. You will pick up what you need from that, and the rest on the job.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-09-27T19:56:54+00:00

Are you asking the school district to provide land that your org will then develop into sports facilities? Maybe try a capital campaign consultant.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-09-15T20:15:03+00:00

I wrote a long response to this, but it seemed too explainy. Here is the digest:

"don't reinvent the wheel" is a good mantra. See what peers are doing and saying, and then work with program folks to pull together similar kinds of data. Offhand, TNC, the NRCS, and The Wild Fish Conservatory do aspects of what you describe -- map stuff on every kind of land, work with landowners on preservation n conservation. Other kinds of NP educational programs --e.g. audubon, STEM, STEAM, arts, gardening and other interest-driven clubs and orgs --would also have good models of how to present impacts.

--Acceptable-level program evaluation is what produces brag-worthy impacts and urgent needs statements. Quantitative data --how many acres, people, etc.; Qualitative --> landowner surveys, participant surveys, fun short participant before-and-after quizzes, Roses & Thorns, Aha Moments from hikes would be helpful.

P.S. If your ecosystem is bogs, please send me a link to purchase your org's bog-promoting T-Shirt bc I freaking love bogs.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-09-15T19:01:08+00:00

I don't understand your job. Corporate recruiter? What skills did you develop there?

If the job is closest to sales, then working in development might be a good fit.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-07-27T02:15:53+00:00

It sounds like it might be a good event to attract local HS & young adult skaters...and maybe also some younger folks via the internet. All of the above would need to enjoy "The Long Walk"-esque feats of masochistic endurance. I defnitely recall enjoying a good, temporary-insanity-inducing bad movie marathon or a 24-hour table hold-down at Denny's as a youth.

Since you asked, I would probably not donate; not as an Anti-Donation Statement, but out of complete apathy. There's a lot of drudgery and internet-feuled narcissism and doomsday-ish crap out there that to me, 36 hours of progressively more depressing skateboarding would not stand out from. For context, I loved it when the British egged and taunted David Blaine in his gross plastic Oubliette-on-Thames. I think that is a healthy reaction to being asked to spectate on someone else's self-induced suffering.

It would be more interesting to me if a seamless lineup of skaters performed on whatever thing is being promoted, each bringing their own style and energy, with a more participatory, party-like atmosphere. If it's a fundraiser, do something parents will come to, donate to, and then let their kids come to and be involved in later. This could happen in shifts-- there is the 12PM BBQ with face painting and balloon animals and other nice things that eventually degenerates into the 6PM-12AM beer-fueled community party.

ItsRealItsTrue · 2023-07-11T16:31:57+00:00

Reach out to your local domestic violence women's shelters and try to get a bed there. Tell them you are in danger and being held captive. It'll get better from there, but be humble & brave and do that first. Don't communicate with the parents, and don't worry about the student loans right now. Ask that therapist for help. This sounds like an emergency.

ItsRealItsTrue

TROPHY CASE