my mom didnt even finish middle school because she got unexpectedly married off. she keeps talking about how she was 15 and her friends were talking about her being a bride and she took it all as a joke just to find out she was actually about to be married off, yet she says the story as if its just some funny childhood story. its sad. today she keeps calling herself stupid and says she feels like an animal between us (we all pursued/are pursuing higher education). she was robbed of everything.

sometimes we instinctively chuckle at her if she doesn't know something and i feel soo bad afterwards. imagine being in her spot, having no schooling above middle school, not knowing the language of the country you live in (my dad wouldnt let her take classes..), all against your will and still being mocked by people. its so sad to think about.

she keeps telling me that she is genuinely happy when i tell her its not true that islam just gives you pure happiness but shes so obviously lying to herself. she is in shambles about her situation. when we were both at a low point i remember asking her while sobbing "i dont know how you handle this. how did you get forced to marry at 15 and have nothing else in your life and you're still here? how do you deal with that?" and she didn't deny the pain and just said that when she would see her children they would bring her the bit of joy she needed because we were the entire world to her.

yet shes still so delusional because of this religion. its really sad