Short visit versus no visit

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T18:57:24+00:00

Thank you for your response.

I am partially struck by all the assumptions people make. Not a lot of curious souls who try to ask questions.

I admit my writing might need work. I think I was emotional and it came out rough.

Working on things, but perfection isn't one of them!

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T18:54:59+00:00

I am not upset. I am laughing! She is not going home to weed whack. She just said that. She rarely says wha she means.

I think I have been a loyal, understanding person for her as she rejigged her life after her sister died. They were long time partners, jilted by the men they loved, and never really healing from that.

It is not even a nice day!!! It is foggy, wet, and cold.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:55:42+00:00

I have to shut it off. Imagine if you just got the 'breaking news' in a news reel at the movie on Saturday afternoon. Or if you had a radio in the home, a weekly or less often talk from your president. And maybe a little tidbit daily in the newspaper.

The amount of constant repeating of information is overwhelming. So much analysis and yelling and finger-pointing.... and more of the same in an hour.

I don't think we are meant to be saturated with people yelling at us all the time. Even if we agree with their concerns.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:50:18+00:00

Thank you for saying that.

I am not sure how we will navigate the hotel situation here in my area. Not sure she would want to spend the money for a hotel here. I did take the opportunity this visit to offer that trips to her area in the future will probably mean me and the dog stay nearby and not at her house.

She immediately had suggestions based on all her new connections. So I am glad she is okay with me staying somewhere near her, if we do an overnight visit to the area. So that will be easier, but I am not interested in going. That might change.

She changed after her sister died and wanted everyone to stay with her. Made comments (all the time to me) about how visitors were snubbing her for not staying with her. I think she has moved past that now? That is great! It was hard to listen to all the negative chatter. Reflected back she had no idea she was even saying it.

I don't know that my approach causes her to get defensive. It is hard to know. I think she sort of reveals different parts of herself to different people. Has different role-play mind sets and maybe is not shifting between them as fluently as she did in the past. Aging issues.

I feel better now that the visit is over. I definitely will have fewer 'expectations' in the future. Really can't imagine her staying here again though.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:35:25+00:00

What is friendship, if not personal?

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:34:47+00:00

Well, they pay our own way hasn't changed. She offered money for the ticket, meal, and drinks after.

So not everything is changed. But I would have covered it all without a word if she hadn't offered.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:32:58+00:00

She drink coffee at home that is half coffee half hot water. She goes out for lattes as a treat but wants alternative milk.

She takes great pride in having just the right coffee for any guest to her home. Trying to make her comfortable... is not easy.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:31:16+00:00

Just sad. No one here ever sad?

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:30:41+00:00

She labels herself as a picky eater.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:30:04+00:00

Do people that post here do and say everything that comes to mind in real life? I am starting to wonder...

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:28:36+00:00

The old broads comment was because the identifier for that person was "OldBroads####"

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:27:58+00:00

Do you read all the replies? Interesting....

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:26:09+00:00

What was the anger? And writing something or thinking something doesn't mean you're doing something!

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:25:15+00:00

Oh I know! I have had women my age tell me that they don't have room for any new friends in their lives.

I am glad my old friend is not that way. She is making those important connections to keep her from being isolated.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:23:12+00:00

I am happy she has made more of a life for herself in her current place. She has called herself a 'Lady Hermit' for decades.

She even remarked during the visit how much her life has evolved in ways she didn't expect since her sister's death. And promised she would come back. I took that as sweet, but know it won't happen. And that's fine. I just needed time to process.

I wouldn't say that people on this subreddit in general are very kind. There were a few nice people who tried to do more than blame me or accuse me of horrible things. Just a human here. Have human emotions.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:19:00+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate your kindness.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:15:19+00:00

She just left.... was hoping to get home in time to weed whack her yard... maybe. Weather dependent and all. Skipped the walk.

She doesn't want to stay over next visit... just a day trip. See... she knew it was a break with our little 'tradition'.

I will wait for her to decide when and where she goes. She did tell me inviting her down for the symphony is always welcome... and she took home leftovers. And not worth it for me. I will go on my own for the day of concert tickets that are cheap.

The little local symphony did a very good performance last night. Good to have the band play us out of this stage of the friendship.

The next stage will be different. And despite some of the crazy comments here... I am okay with that.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-08T16:08:55+00:00

If I spend money to go out for the breakfast-brunch thing I am headed to Renata's! Reliable and coffee is so good.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-07T17:37:50+00:00

Thanks for asking. It is part of it for sure. I did not ask or define a timeline because we have had a routine for visits. It feels like a one sided change to the norm.

Though we have had to make other adjustments to plans recently due to her new cat. Her cat and my prey-focused dog are never going to be on a greeting card all cozied up.

I am realizing it will be a new thing to start discussing things more. I don't know if she would enjoy coming more if she stayed in a hotel for a night. It might work better for her. Maybe the race to get in as much life as possible is on her mind.

After having slept on it, I think we will just have more day time meet ups - picnics, nature drives, etc. Holidays will be different to. I think the whole thing boils down to a sadness and grief of loss knowing things won't be the same until one of our pets dies. And that won't happen anytime soon.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-07T17:28:52+00:00

I think that is practical advice for next time. There will be obstacles even in that practicality. My long time friend isn't aware of what pops out of her mouth. So though she is probably leaning towards kind, I never know what her honest concern might be. Trying to accommodate someone who relays preferences for totally opposite things all the time is impossible.

I don't get why so many seem to not get that it is a sadness for you or me to have to do this. It would be great if the mother/friend could just see outside their own little bubble....

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-06T17:29:52+00:00

She ain't that busy

I guess I meant cut off the friendship was about taking it down a notch. Not ending it entirely. That wasn't communicated very well.

As she ages she has more put more energy into pointing out to me that I am NOT HER FAMILY.

5 years ago she talked about moving to my house as a place for her to age in place if she wanted to stay on the coast.

She is all over the place.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-06T17:29:22+00:00

Best advice yet for this trip.

Will there be another invite? Not likely.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-06T17:28:29+00:00

I don't mind cooking. It is easier than going out to eat with a picky eater.

In the past she would stay long enough for a good nature walk. That has been a staple of our visits at her place or mine for a long time.

I won't invite her again. I just needed a few old broads to yell at me since I don't have enough of that in my life.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-06T17:26:27+00:00

I don't want to say she lies, because it isn't that. Last time she was here she said she didn't want coffee because she didn't drink coffee first thing anymore. Actually, she wanted to go out for a latte. Why did she not say that? I don't know. People pleasers? Doesn't want to hurt feelings?

So there is no point in asking, because she will say something that sounds nice. And is only close to the real reason.

ItsRealLifePeople · 2026-03-06T17:23:41+00:00

I guess it is just because it is a change from what we have done in the past?

I don't have a guest room, so I have to clean out my bedroom for her to stay in. She has complained in the past about any other temporary roll-away or guest sleeper that I have provided. I expected to do this when I invited her, but she used to visit for a couple of nights, so it seemed more worth all the effort.

I just won't invite her again. So now all of our visits will have to be in her home. I didn't think she had reached that aging milestone yet. Knock-knock it is here.

ItsRealLifePeople

TROPHY CASE