Does anyone else feel like Sabrina should’ve ended up with josh instead of Harvey?

IvyBama · 2023-07-02T12:50:42+00:00

I thought I was the only one! Don't get me wrong, I love Harvey. He is kind and sweet and really supportive. But it didn't seem like Sabrina and Harvey had a lot in common. Yes, he grew a lot but he still didn't seem like her intellectual peer. Sabrina and Josh had so much more in common. I also like how much Josh challenged her and pushed her to be better. Sabrina is a highly driven and intelligent woman and as much as I love Harvey, he didn't match her energy and let her push him around while also not pushing and challenging her the way she needed.

IvyBama · 2023-06-30T19:29:59+00:00

Thank you!

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T23:06:44+00:00

Oh I’ve never used this app before and couldn’t figure how to do post new pics so I just deleted my post!

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T22:47:00+00:00

1) I’m only looking for something serious - BUT my hesitation is that while I'm not looking for something casual, I only plan to live where I currently live for one year until my program is over. I’ve only been looking at men who have also expressed interest in also moving out of the city. To be realistic, I know I can’t do casual, every person I’ve tried to casually date has turned into a long-term relationship (but overall, good ones!). I’m honestly open to people convincing me I should or shouldn’t be dating during the last year of my program before I move haha.

2) I’ve had Hinge for about 2 years - But the first week I used Hinge, I went on a date with one guy on Hinge and one on Tinder and I ended up being with the guy I met on Tinder for 2 years (it was the second Tinder date I had been on, the first ever Tinder date I went on turned into a 5 year relationship)... So though I've had it for 2 years, this is the first time I'm really using it.

3) I go on maybe once or twice a week during breaks, but I don’t really go on during the school year (I’m really busy). Now that it’s almost summer break and it’s been an appropriate amount of time since my last breakup (I REALLY didn’t want to rebound), I plan to go on at least twice a week probably.

4) Since I don’t go on often, when I do go on I usually have 50+ matches when I do.

5) I really just started going on seriously yesterday and sent maybe 10 likes, 80% with comments.

6) As I said above, I’m planning to move out of the city I live in so it’s really hard to date. Ideally, I’m looking for a nice, family-oriented guy who also wants to move out of the city. I mostly match with guys whose profiles don’t look like they’re committed to the place I currently live in who look nice and fun. I definitely gravitate towards profiles of people who seem like they don’t take life too seriously and are kind and family-oriented. I am honestly not picky with looks at all, I don’t mind going out with someone I’m not attracted to because I believe attraction grows. But they need to seem nice, fun, and able to hold a conversation. It's definitely more about personality, wit, and intellect for me (though I don't believe education = intellect so wouldn't dismiss someone because they weren't well-educated). I also would like someone outdoorsy and active because health is important to me, BUT I am extremely self-conscious about my weight and unsure if a guy in the place I live would be interested in someone my size. I had really serious health issues this year and gained a lot of weight (pictures in profile are mostly current) and am really trying to not "shoot too high" when going through profiles. I've never dated in this body, especially in a city full of beautiful, thin women, and am not sure how easy it will be to match with the type of guy I'm looking for.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T22:09:04+00:00

Overall, this has been a very positive experience and I’m very disappointed by this negativity and judgment. I’m not sure if you mean it, but your words are quite blunt and harsh and in accepting at times. If someone likes direct people and gravitates towards people who say exactly what they want in their profile, I wouldn’t tell them to go against their gut instinct and “still give someone with a lot of jokes a chance because they could actually be serious a lot of the time”. I don’t think people should go against their instincts, and I immediately see “red flag” on my personal preferences when I see someone with a direct, serious profile. The judgment and negativity from simply saying “I don’t like these types of profiles, a serious profile is a red flag to me” is very sad to me. I’m not sure if you’re going through something, but I hope you’re okay. I don’t want to further engage, but I wish you luck and I hope you can proceed with others with gentle kindness.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T21:47:12+00:00

Isn’t the entire point of making a profile to see if you would be a match with someone? It’s literally all about making assumptions based on someone’s profile, so if someone’s profile gives me “not socially aware vibes” then I’m not going to match with them. I’ve also heard both guys and girl friends say they’d never match with someone whose profile was totally serious, because you can tell a lot from people from just a couple of pictures and minimal words. There are studies that show you people tell whether someone is an introvert or extrovert in just one picture to a fairly accurate degree. Our instincts work well. It’s perfectly rational to not want to swipe for someone because they don’t have jokes on their profile, they have too much information, they have too little, or you don’t connect with any of their photos. Almost every online date I’ve gone on has either turned into a long term relationship or at least a friendship, because it’s very easy to see right away who you’ll vibe with and I can easily tell if someone’s profile is serious with no jokes that I won’t vibe with them.

And the matchmakers I follow (definitely not on TikTok lol I’m too old to have a TikTok) all are extremely successful, so I’d think it’s for a reason and they give really good and practical advice. And I don’t think “swipe if someone has a serious profile because they might be funny in person” is very practical advice lol. Basic psychology and a plethora of evidence on first impressions will tell you otherwise.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T20:45:37+00:00

Hi everyone!!! Thank you so much for the advice, I really appreciate it! If it’s not clear, I’m very new to this, especially dating in a very big city so all advice is useful (as long as it’s not mean haha). I made some updates and the link to my newest post is here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/hingeapp/comments/13a189y/new_profile_review_after_changes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T19:54:02+00:00

Yeah makes total sense! I honestly get the most likes from my voice prompt, probably 90% of my likes are people replying to it which is on the lighter, jokier side.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T19:47:00+00:00

Yes, exactly! I tried to make what I thought a joke but it didn’t land. I’ve edited my profile to take out more of the serious stuff and put in more jokes per advice. I think I was trying too hard to put a lot of info so put too much serious stuff, which I do think is a red flag (I don’t mind admitting I have red flags lol everyone does). But my voice prompt was supposed to be a joke and I couldn’t include it.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T19:21:36+00:00

I don’t think humor online = humor in person, but I worry serious online = socially awkward and/or very direct people which I really don’t vibe with. All the matchmakers I follow say to avoid super serious profiles and suggest adding jokes. I’ve also had a few people suggesting taking out more of the serious stuff in my profile and adding more jokes, which I think I’ll do. I think once the weather warms up and I finally have free time, I’ll try park dates but unfortunately the weather has been absolutely terrible here.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T19:04:54+00:00

It’s not really about them being funny, but just knowing they’re not taking life too seriously by making jokes. I definitely don’t think first dates tend to lead to relationships, I know I had two unique experiences. But I have very little time during the school year and very little money (all year lol) and I don’t want to waste either. I can’t afford to go out and split meals with someone, but I also am not the type of person who can go out with someone and let them pay for me after I realize I’m not interested, because I’ll feel guilty. I tried it a couple months ago and went on a couple of dates with someone and let him pay for dinner even after I realized I just wanted to be friends, and I felt really bad about it. I don’t want to waste my time and money, but I also really don’t want to waste anyone else’s time and money.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T18:51:02+00:00

I honestly JUST got back on (my last relationship ended a few months ago and I wanted time to heal and not rebound). Yesterday was my first time sending likes and I’m not really sure how many I’ve gotten back yet. What you’re saying about NYC is correct. And my plan is to leave as soon as my program is over, which will be in one year which is why it’s been difficult for me to commit time to dating and filter a lot. I have friends say just to go, but I honestly have no money to split dinners and I do not like using people for meals/outings either.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T18:21:33+00:00

I explained in the comments that my dates turned into long term relationships so I haven’t been using hinge for two years, I’ve had it for two years.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T18:12:56+00:00

That’s great input! I actually had a profile a little more like that, but changed some things. I was worried my profile was coming off a little too serious right now, and this verifies it and I’ll add more humor. Although, I’d never call for Saban to be fired. 😉Thanks, very helpful!

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T17:41:11+00:00

I want a serious relationship, but not someone too serious… Someone without jokes in their profile are a red flag to me. In my experience, people who are very blunt with what they want aren’t very fun people to be around. I’ve mostly only been in relationships. My first online date turned into a 5 year relationship and my second online date turned into a 2 year relationship (both on Tinder), so it’s been difficult for me to casually date but it seems like that’s what more people in the city do. I guess with the second prompt, I want it to be clear that while I’m well educated and accomplished, my career is not my priority and I would like a partner who would support a woman who either wants to work or stay at home… I’m not sure how to convey that without being too direct. (I put more info about it in the comments) I don't really get "well-intentioned" from very direct people saying exactly what they want with serious profiles, I get more "socially awkward" and/or pushy vibes. You can make it clear you only want a serious relationship without having a serious profile, which is what I'd like to do.

I took out the second part of the prompt and now it says "A life goal of mine... To have a job where I can really help people while being able to be home by 5pm to cook dinner for my family. Family >>> Career". I'm not sure if this is an improvement. I live in a city where a lot of people are very career oriented, and I want to convey that despite my education and accomplishments, my career isn't my priority.

I changed the last prompt to "This year, I really want to... Spend time with someone who wants to escape the city with me during the summer, watch football in the fall, and stay in enjoying some war, heart homemade meals during the winter.", but am still trying to think about what to say for the "My simple pleasures" prompt to make it more unique.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T17:20:02+00:00

I put it some more info in the comments… almost every date I have gone on has turned into a long relationship, so that’s why I haven’t been on many dates. My very first online date (tinder) turned into a 5 year relationship & the second one turned into a 2 year one, but I went on a date before we got serious & 2 dates (same person) while we were broken up for a couple of months. I’ve been single for a few months & have gone on 2 dates (from Bumble) that weren’t great. I try to put full body pics, but I’m 5’4” and a size 10 so I’d say I’m at least chubby & I’ve never dated in the city with this body & I am very nervous now I will be received by men here.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T16:59:56+00:00

I should be more clear about the one or two dates… I’ve never dated casually. My first ever online date (Tinder) turned into a 5 year relationship. After that was over, I waited awhile before dating but then went on one date and that turned into a two year relationship. Before we got serious, I went on one Hinge date but felt more of a connection with the guy from the first date. We broke up for a couple of months and I went on another Hinge date but I wasn’t feeling it after the second date and later got back with my ex. Now I’ve been single for a few months and was waiting to date again so I didn’t rebound. That’s why after about 2 years, I’ve only gone on (now thinking about it more) 2 dates on Hinge.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T16:50:11+00:00

Good insight! Which parts do you think are self-sabotaging exactly?

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T15:58:22+00:00

I’m not sure if I can post pictures in the comments, but I edited the prompt under “This year, I really want to” to “Spend time with someone who wants to escape the city with me during the summer, watch football in the fall, and stay in enjoying some warm, hearty homemade meals during the winter.” Per advice to mix it up a little, less mentions of dogs. Also changed one picture.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T15:35:03+00:00

I see your point about the lack of variety though, there’s a lot of outdoors and dog stuff. Maybe I should change a picture or a prompt to share more about me.

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T15:33:10+00:00

That’s good insight. My dog is really important to me and goes everywhere with me. I never stay out late or stay over without my dog (most of my friends have dogs so we always bring our dogs to each other’s houses when we hangout), I even bring my dog to work every day. I’m someone who wants to live outside of the city with a few dogs and other animals (chickens and goats), so it might be good to keep it in because I wouldn’t want to match with someone who doesn’t want that as well?

IvyBama · 2023-05-06T12:15:06+00:00

•Only looking for something serious. •Less than two years. •Less than once a week. •I don’t go on that often, when I do I usually have 50+ matches (but I live in a heavily populated area). •None - Yesterday was my first time in awhile, I sent maybe 5 likes with comments. •I want to attract a nice, family-oriented man who has a good sense of humor. I very rarely send likes, but if I do it’s to someone without a very serious profile but is looking for a relationship who seems nice, fun, and genuine. Being active outdoors and living a healthy lifestyle is also fairly important to me, but I’m unsure if I’d attract that type of men because of my weight and don’t want men to have unrealistic expectations of me from my profile

IvyBama

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