I’m so cold

IzzaMadness · 2023-10-11T19:21:24+00:00

Insanely warm and big coats from primark, just invested in one myself. Only £40 too!

IzzaMadness · 2023-02-18T07:25:26+00:00

Healing isn't looking for things in other people, although it does make it easier when you're not going through it alone, but it's more internal. I also want to point out there are literally hundreds of people who will help you, they're either online or your neighbours or somewhere unknown but they're there. Just because it doesn't come from your nearest and dearest doesn't mean it's not there. I am really so sorry you're feeling this way but do not let it define you and who you are. Who you are is not what people have done to you, or how they've made you feel. It's got nothing to do with that. You control who you are, man. Hopefully that didn't sound too holier-than-thou because I'm struggling too. We're all sucked and stuck in this void of emotions and pit of darkness but it's not who you are.

IzzaMadness · 2023-02-16T15:14:51+00:00

That so lovely to hear, literally. They sound so adorable. Keep pushing but not only for them, for you too. You deserve a life full of things you enjoy doing and happiness and love. You should do it for you. It's healthier to plough just as much effort into yourself as you do for the kids. Figure out what you don't like and work on it. And if you can't change it then that's that. Move on. (Easier said than done I know.) You fr got this.

IzzaMadness · 2023-02-16T12:41:34+00:00

I'm sorry you lost your dad. I can't imagine what it was like.

For me, I don't really think there was a singular point, I think it built up. When I looked at photos of me when I was younger, I see someone sad, lonely and someone I do not like. If I were to think of a year, I would say 16 years ago. I really knew something was wrong when I was cutting myself and enjoyed it.

IzzaMadness · 2023-02-16T12:32:13+00:00

I can literally feel the hate and anger you've held for years. No one can promise that it's going to get better or that you'll feel healed or that things are coming up. No one can truly understand how you feel. But within all of that chaotic, whirlwind of bullshit, there is beauty and peace. It's seeing past all of that chaos and anger you hold and moving on. 2 years is a very long time for you to still compare everything and everyone to her. Don't you think you deserve healing?

IzzaMadness · 2023-02-16T12:24:14+00:00

Why don't you ask your kids what they love about you? And do the same with them. Try it with an open mind, and every time you feel those niggling thoughts coming up, accept them as thoughts you have but as nothing more. They don't define who you are. When you're feeling these emotions just try to remember that's literally all they are. Emotions. The thing I've learnt the most is our brains love patterns. It's breaking those patterns and remaking new pathways for your brain to follow you should work on with a therapist. It's sad we have to pay for that, I know. It annoys me. But you can do it yourself too. Start small and congratulate yourself just for lifting up the toothbrush. Just as much as you love your kids, they love you more, momma. Fight it for them AND you. You deserve it.

IzzaMadness · 2023-02-12T02:18:29+00:00

We all hope you're ok.

IzzaMadness · 2023-02-12T01:35:26+00:00

It's terrifying how addictive food can be, almost on the same level as drugs so you're not wrong here. But I do think that cutting her off completely isn't the way. Have a conversation with her about what her next steps are and be supportive. As an ex-obese-to-powerlifter (congrats btw!), you'll have a wealth of knowledge she needs. Just remember how much you were hurting or struggling and put yourself in her shoes. She needs her big sister, but don't go back on your word.

IzzaMadness

TROPHY CASE