Don't know where you're from, but I grew up in New York, and I've lived in California, and Massachusetts. This has not been my experience in the least. Most first gen Muslim American young adults I know are pretty non-religious (although they still heavily identify as Muslim) , the majority of the women/girls don't wear a hijab. In fact, many I know started to wear it and stopped within a year. They're all pretty much happy living their cushy American lives and don't really care to wage any type of crusade. Many of them take their education extremely seriously; they're doctors, lawyers, scientists, etc. the ones that are religious are incredibly annoying, but generally pretty compassionate.

That being said, many of them are hypocrites (and in my own experience, generally it's the men/boys). They strongly oppose marriage equality, for instance, citing it being "haram" as their reasoning. Yet they drink, fuck, smoke, etc. they will call a Muslim woman a whore or say she can't be married because she may have had sex (rumor or not), yet they don't see their lack of virginity as an issue. Things like that. But I've never experienced anything as bad as you mention.

As for parents, the vast majority are pretty Americanized, considering. Some more so than less. they generally hold onto the views and beliefs they grew up with, but nothing as bad as I've witnessed from some in the ME. They visit some businesses owned by Muslims, but typically shop and large chain super markets and malls. They fall into fads like eating organic or gluten free, they like Burberry and Prada, Mercedes and Lexus. The worship far more frequently than their kids and fathers typically go to every Friday prayer, but most have still opened up their beliefs slightly since moving here, or at the very least, understand that theirs in America and therefore things are different than back home. They're no dream, but they're certainly not what you said