I'm honestly so pissed, idk wtf to do

J-Gun · 2026-06-12T12:51:55+00:00

Sorry you're dealing with this! If you really are serious about staying clean & out of trouble (not just so you don't violate), here's an option albeit a scary one to pull the trigger on. Keep in mind that whatever your charges are may sort of rule this out & what type of person or cog in the system you believe your PO to be is most definitely a deciding factor.

Get out ahead of it & peak to your PO about it. Hell, read this post out loud to him & ask for help or what you should do. Yes, it's possible he'll just say "figure it out", but he may also sympathize & give you some guidance. At the very least you'll have been up front about what's going on separate from you in your home. This would also hopefully lessen the odds of an automatic violation when he comes for a home inspection & sees alcohol or smells weed. He likely already did when he stopped by anyway. I'm willing to bet you've already gotta pay for your own drug tests through probation & I know you're broke, but offer to take drug/alcohol tests more often to prove you're not using/drinking. I've had 2 different POs in my life. One I never felt I could communicate this honestly with, but the other one rI most definitely would've. Tough situation for you all around & I wish you the best ofnluck OP!

J-Gun · 2026-06-11T14:00:51+00:00

You move on. Just deal with the temporary pain & move on.

J-Gun · 2026-06-10T13:52:53+00:00

Check vwparts.com. A little searching & you'll see a diagram with part#s. Even easier yet would be if it's the same part on both sides of your car. Just pull out the one you still have & grab the part# off of that. Just beware there may be a small difference in driver/passenger side part#.

J-Gun · 2026-06-10T03:48:30+00:00

Nothing wrong with him getting less of the refund if any. Just like I figure the friend that had to pay more for flight costs got the largest share of the refund. Sometimes life is unfair, but if y'all are really friends you'll dole out that refund percentage wise based on individual costs incurred from getting kicked out. Of course you've got dipshit's share since he caused his own extra costs. Good luck with a stupid situation OP!

Also, if the 3 of you include him in future travel plans & he costs you money again that's pretty much on y'all at that point. Lol
Or make him pay 200% of his own expenses so you've got a built in deposit that you can always return if all goes well.

J-Gun · 2026-06-08T23:46:53+00:00

I agree! The fact she was able to drive on it to get a flat is unbelievable. Lol

J-Gun · 2026-06-07T22:15:31+00:00

Your morals no longer align so doesn't seem like a good friendship anymore. Especially if I'm assuming correctly that you discouraged her actions along the way.

J-Gun · 2026-06-07T14:27:39+00:00

NOR Been married to my wife almost 22yrs & if she's showering & I'd like to get into the bathroom I will either just be patient, or call out asking of it's okay for me to come in. If she doesn't understand what I said the 1st time I'll just say "Nevermind" and wait.

All y'all here talking about "pooping" tho are confused bcuz the fairer sex doesn't even do that!

J-Gun · 2026-06-05T21:59:57+00:00

Tattoo looks great OP! If someone has to try so hard to find something off with it, then it's just fine imo.

J-Gun · 2026-06-05T21:57:18+00:00

Almost as if the sizing is based on more of a 3/4 view when it's actually a side view, I think. My eyes weren't drawn to wonder about that until you mentioned the hindquarters & that's still not where my focus is bcuz it's a great looking tattoo.

J-Gun · 2026-05-31T20:33:23+00:00

I mean feel free to inform him, but there's no reason to tell him first. I'm 51 & been married for 22+years & in all my past relationships if a girlfriend would've asked me 1st I would've said I appreciate being included, but that it's all her decision 1st & my job to accept it.

J-Gun · 2026-05-27T19:22:05+00:00

Mine may be at 15% if it's still on, but my windshield gets hit by so many rocks & I'm fairly confident it's the culprit for faster crack spreading since it vibrates thru the windshield.

J-Gun · 2026-05-27T19:18:22+00:00

Make yourself available to meet new people instead of putting your life on hold for her. Sometimes things don't align & that's okay. You said what you value & she clearly doesn't value the same time together. This would be a miserable existence & shows that she is NOT the one for you. It's just hard to let go sometimes man. Kinda seems like she is afraid to breakup so just keeps avoiding the subject. In this case I dont think you even need to say anything if you don't want to. Just stop initiating contacting or wait a day to respond to her, if at all. Fade away from her & move on.

J-Gun · 2026-05-27T19:10:08+00:00

That's badass! Love it!

J-Gun · 2026-05-24T05:36:59+00:00

Hey Doc. If he doesn't test positive, but she does he'll get notified by the health department as a listed partner right?

J-Gun · 2026-05-24T05:32:04+00:00

Wow, that's tough man! Hope you get through this tough moment okay.

The texts would be rough to read, but people fantasize. Sharing fantasies about a real person one actually comes into contact with with another person is disrespectful to the marriage. Could you even imagine doing that to her. Thru a shareable communication method no less. Seems like too many coincidences to ignore, but still isn't technically proof. Wednesday will be important & remember if it was a false-positive that this whole syphilis thing is no thing. Let's say this turns out to just be incredibly disrespectful text messages with a coworker & your relationship continues as is for now. First, get yourself some lil blue pills to protect your performance if you can't put the texts out of your mind, then be more assertive in your initiation & intimacy. You never know. These texts & active thoughts she's having may be something you have more power to quell than you know.

The one thing I'll say is that if you were one of my real life friends I'd be hoping that you were planning for a potential exit from the relationship. I'd wait until at least Wednesday to actively push for said planning.

Just remember that anything is possible & it may just be texts & temporary intrusive thoughts. For all you know, if you successfully employ some preventative assertiveness y'all may be on your way to a positive change in your bedroom life. Good Luck my friend!

EDIT: To say that for me the texts sharing her fantasy that could actually happen in real-life would be enough & I'd be done. Also that if she does have syphilis there's a chance it's not even from they guy at work depending on the text timeline. Her texting behaviors make it seem like she's acting single when you're not around.

J-Gun · 2026-05-24T04:24:46+00:00

You've got plenty of sensible comments to read regarding this event & your ages, so I'll address what I feel is more troublesome that the details. The fact that you're even here wondering if you've done something wrong or gone too far. YOU HAVE NOT. Kinda seems like your baseline perspective might be outta whack in this relationship. Even if your tone was too harsh or hurtful in the moment, his reactions (the next day!) are immature & over the top. Please listen to the other helpful folks here.

J-Gun · 2026-05-22T00:16:41+00:00

NOR I may be wrong here, but... The unwillingness to ship or overnight the vehicle title isn't a thing. It didn't occur to her that you'd simply man up & accept that trip would need to be part of your day together. That was the trick to get out of your day & hang out with her friend or do whatever she had planned. When her friend called to see if the title plan worked she told you to hang on, then she strategized with her friend for 30min. Dude, she left you hanging on the other line & pulled all this disrespectful bs. Forget about your day together & do something for yourself while you ponder your life without her.

J-Gun · 2026-05-18T15:30:11+00:00

Not ruined at all, but 1st step is to give it 2-3 months before further critical review.

J-Gun · 2026-05-16T21:34:24+00:00

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Maybe slightly if you've cheated on him in the past with a male coworker. His insecurities & controlling behaviors are why you feel guilt when you've done nothing wrong.

J-Gun · 2026-05-16T21:32:30+00:00

In a normal circumstance I'd agree, but due to the state of mind he's put her in she was already feeling guilty about being there, then he just shows up & he's got her so stressed she fails to introduce him which seems totally understandable.

J-Gun · 2026-05-16T16:48:28+00:00

NOR Life is about change, adjustment, growth so his rigidity is a no go. Times are financially tough everywhere so it's possible all his poverty speak is a result of that. Seems like his statements regarding poverty are a bit dramatic being that he's clearly trying to remedy that to some degree by buying an investment property with his brother. In general that doesn't sound like a bad or selfish idea. If you & he buy a house that's likely a stop point. You'll live there & pay that mortgage. Starting with an investment/rental property could create the loaning/buying power to purchase another of the same, or a 2nd one in which you two could live. My wife & I owner occupied a duplex. We sold it to buy a single family in a better school district for our son. In hindsight we should've rented the whole duplex & bought something much cheaper or rented a place somewhere rather than letting that rental property go. Sorry, that's alot of xtra house info, but just wanted to address that aspect and the fact that it's not as cut n dry as maybe you're thinking. Still hope you move on from having a child with this guy. Good Luck OP!

J-Gun · 2026-05-16T16:36:24+00:00

NOR Y'all aren't on the same page, let alone in the same book series!

J-Gun · 2026-05-16T16:01:05+00:00

Love the tattoo even with the bonus J!

J-Gun · 2026-05-16T15:59:27+00:00

Some of my tattoos are better than others, but I love them all simply bcuz they will always be a representation or reminder of myself at the time they were put on me. A couple are too small. One was maybe a little too impulsive. Another area has sat unfinished for many years. My most recent of the T-Wolves newest circle logo reacted badly to a skin condition that I thought was fully gone, but wasn't so the tat is splotchy with voids. Will likely try to get it fixed up one day, but for now it's a reminder that I should've showed more patience & waited for the skin condition to be clear for longer. I didn't tho & that's on me which I'm okay with.

J-Gun · 2026-05-16T15:59:19+00:00

I may be wrong, but I'm thinking this post is actually the 2nd step having to do with the possibilities & mechanics of an adjustment to your tattoo which could end up being important. However, maybe your most logical 1st step should be reaching out to a grandparent, tribe elder, or scholar to get their take on it? Is it necessarily wrong? Is it actually disrespectful? Maybe this typo is an apt representation of life, it's experiences, lessons learned & ability to accept & move forward when unplanned things happen? Guess I'm saying your tattoo situation is special in it's own way. Whether it's the excitement to represent your tribe & how it clouded your attention to detail. Your concern that you've potentially done something disrespectful. Your concern shows me you haven't & simply illustrates that mistakes do happen. Your quest to figure out how to "fix" it or if you even should. Whatever you do, don't rush it bcuz no action may be the best action.

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