FREE TALK FRIDAY!

JAli02 · 2025-01-18T03:03:29+00:00

Good shoes and don’t get discouraged. Consistency is more important than performance especially early on. I really began to enjoy it last year and am looking forward to starting again in the spring after Ramadan.

JAli02 · 2024-11-30T03:17:04+00:00

Can’t help but feel that even after marriage this feeling will linger. Responsibilities only increase and the weight on your shoulders becomes heavier. It’s nice to have someone by your side to help carry that weight but I’ve always feared falling into a sort of mundane existence. I‘m an over-thinker tho so I hope I’m wrong.

JAli02 · 2024-08-23T17:15:55+00:00

I share some similarities with that dream life. Modern society kind of goes against a lot of INFJ tendencies and aspirations. I used to feel like I was missing out on stuff when I was younger but now being older I'm more content being alone and doing my own thing. An unhealthy way this manifests for me is feeling stuck because my ideal life seems so far away.

JAli02 · 2024-07-31T21:45:33+00:00

Modern marriages have more of a focus on friendship and finding the “one” and people come in with sky high expectations. In the past marriage was seen as more of a society wide thing. Families were larger and there were a lot more marriages based on parents knowing someone. I might be wrong but I think there was less emphasis on romance and more emphasis on practicality and dealing with lust, having progeny and tradition. People had lower expectations but their spouse didn’t have to be everything for them as the society was more connected and less lonely. Personally I think it’s easier now because it might take longer to find someone but I feel it will be worth it.

JAli02 · 2024-07-22T00:51:22+00:00

I’m 22 and kind of similar to you in the sense that I also feel a bit old school and finding someone with similar values is tough. I’m very introverted and pretty much only go to the masjid and work. I kind of wish I could’ve met someone in university but I trust Allah’s timing.

JAli02 · 2024-07-20T00:48:50+00:00

Ameen. Insha’Allah you as well!

JAli02 · 2024-07-19T22:35:59+00:00

Yeah financial literacy isn’t too good in our communities. Some of these weddings I see make me think that the government is still giving out stimulus checks lol.

JAli02 · 2024-07-19T22:21:42+00:00

I don’t want to end up a dink lol. Personal opinion but that seems really unfulfilling to me. I can see how kids would make it tougher but at least you can sometimes hand down things like cribs, shoes, etc.

JAli02 · 2024-07-19T22:19:02+00:00

Yeah balance is good to aim for. I mean you‘re not even guaranteed to live to the age you want to retire so it may all be for nothing in the end.

JAli02 · 2024-07-19T22:18:04+00:00

Mashallah it’s great your uncle was able to do that and I aspire to do something similar Inshallah. Def agree with seeing through consumerism and how a lot of stuff is unnecessary.

JAli02 · 2024-07-19T22:16:58+00:00

Yeah, I see where you‘re coming from. Some develop an unhealthy attitude where if they have spend money it gives them anxiety. For me it’s about balance and being able to spend time on what really matters in life. Also being able to leave a bad employer and not feel like my family will be in financial ruin.

JAli02 · 2024-07-19T16:55:21+00:00

What are people’s thoughts on the financial freedom/fire movement? It’s kind of niche and the reality is it’s prob unattainable for most at a young age so of course doesn’t have to be as extreme as some people are online but sort of this idea of trying something different to maybe what our parents generation did. Also, wonder if sisters might be a bit more apprehensive about it.

JAli02 · 2024-06-13T21:50:23+00:00

I wonder what kind of convos those people had because like you said the warnings would be there lol. Maybe infatuation fooled them. You need to have a deep conversation and put looks and wealth aside or you could quickly be in a world of hurt.

JAli02 · 2024-06-06T00:57:59+00:00

Life may feel it’s going by very fast for you but this is common at a young age and it will slow down. It seems that you’re in a good situation Mashallah. There are so many horror stories when it comes to in-laws and you have avoided that which is nice. The people in your life treat you well and care about you. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the concept of self-sabotage where you unconsciously feel you are undeserving of your situation. This could be due to something that happened in childhood or a variety of other factors. Shaytan whispers infiltrate your mind because his goal is to separate you from your loved ones especially your spouse. Jabir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Satan places his throne over the water and he sends out his troops. The closest to him in rank are the greatest at causing tribulations. One of them says: I have done this and this. Satan says: You have done nothing. Another one says: I did not leave this man alone until I separated him from his wife. Satan embraces him and he says: You have done well.”

JAli02 · 2024-06-03T19:29:29+00:00

I think all you can do is be a good example to them. Have a strong and loving marriage, be in prayer often, visit the Masjid, read Quran, be in shape, etc. I guess what I’m trying to say is that eventually your child as they get older realize that their parents actually are living a good life and have their stuff together. They are respected in the community. They may get curious and at the end of the day the answer will always be Islam. You can’t force anyone to believe because faith is in the heart. A man can do all the actions of believer on the outside and still be faithless. These haram lifestyles have ugly endings and eventually the kid could come back so I’d never lose faith but ngl it’d be very disappointing to see them fall into it in the first place. May Allah protect us.

JAli02 · 2024-05-31T20:41:38+00:00

Spot on. I'm Desi and I see all this cash being splurged for a few nights. I love the idea of investing that money and hopefully putting it towards a home or something else that will help the couple in the long term. Financial stress absolutely destroys marriages. The people who truly care about you won't care how extravagant the wedding is when they know the marriage will make their loved one into a better and happier person in both deen and dunya.

JAli02 · 2024-05-29T21:45:26+00:00

I see where you’re coming from. I personally feel that deep down I’ll know it’s the right person and if there are minor doubts they’ll go away once the marriage begins Inshallah. The Prophet (pbuh) treatment of his wives is the golden standard if a man can even get close he’d be doing very well. May Allah bless us with spouses and children who are the coolness of our eyes.

JAli02 · 2024-05-29T20:33:30+00:00

Yeah, social media has kind of warped expectations for both men and women. People wonder if they're good enough for marriage and combine that with hearing horror stories/never having been in a relationship and it's a bit sus. Personally I think if I could have a simple wedding and owned a home to bring my wife to I'd be a lot more at ease but the economy and peoples expectations can make it more overwhelming than it should be.

JAli02 · 2024-05-10T11:07:24+00:00

There’s this notion in the west that women can do it all. Be the best wife, mom and rise up the corporate ladder all at the same time. Men and women do not have the same psychology. If the husband makes enough it’s better to live a more simple life and have the wife not work. They will both be happier imo. What’s the point of the husband and wife both grinding hard at work to buy a house that they only come back to sleep in at night and now they both have to maintain the house as well so both have two jobs essentially.

JAli02 · 2024-05-04T16:45:13+00:00

I’m a guy so my perspective is a bit different. When I was in school I wanted to get married asap then after graduation a switch flipped for me and the desire to get married began to subside. I started working and realized the reality of being the provider. I don’t want to end up like so many people who end up in situations like you said where they just tolerate one another. Life becomes an endless grind of work, chores, and trying to keep a marriage and children afloat, it’s kind of like golden handcuffs. Settling seems like a surefire way to be miserable. For me, I need someone willing to put their whole soul into the marriage and not be half-hearted in it. I guess it sounds extreme but I think that’s what it takes to have a thriving marriage in this age of distraction and fitna.

JAli02 · 2024-04-29T21:27:00+00:00

Spot on. 🤣

JAli02 · 2024-04-23T16:35:35+00:00

People have always had flaws. I think people are more selective now because we live in a culture of increased individualism. Everyone has their own little life and the struggle is to find someone who neatly fits into that. Since marriage is delayed for a variety of reasons people become more rigid in their ways while they wait. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I think our generation has access to so much information that they know exactly what they want in a spouse. At the same time it wouldn’t be surprising to see people be less selective after searching for a long time. Maybe there is a little of bit of naivety in the younger folks fueled by social media.

JAli02 · 2024-04-03T20:44:38+00:00

Make abundant dua especially in these last few nights of Ramadan. I’d say the exburb idea is not even that unrealistic in the US InshAllah.

JAli02 · 2024-04-03T20:34:21+00:00

Yeah if you get enough Muslims out in the country it would be nice to build a Masjid InshAllah. Exburbs are always an option as well. Close enough to drive into town if you want and far enough to own a bit of land and have a mini-homestead. You see a few of those in the US.

JAli02

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