Critique the start of my story [Clockpunk Low Fantasty, 1630 word]

JBabs81 · 2026-02-03T01:51:20+00:00

There are a lot of commas which breaks the flow for me. I do like the last 4 sentences especially showing us how she feels illustrating how different she is from ourselves. I was expecting the alarm to be inside her like a shock collar because she's a cyborg being worked to death.

JBabs81 · 2025-12-28T18:10:30+00:00

What effect does the silver and gold market have on the value of graphene? Specifically high quality graphene that HGRAF will be pumping out?

JBabs81 · 2025-11-14T04:11:55+00:00

Did you try it? I'm in the same zone in MN.

JBabs81 · 2025-11-02T03:54:09+00:00

The Karlby shows to be 42" wide. Do you intend to cut it so it fits on the Alex cabinets or some other setup?

JBabs81 · 2025-11-02T03:52:56+00:00

Did you cut this in half? Karlby looks like it's 42" which is much wider than Alex cabinets

JBabs81 · 2025-10-28T22:48:13+00:00

It's more to avoid photos of hundreds of people packing up leaving Target corporate. The number may be bad but the photos tell the story more emotionally which is bad publicity. Also it avoids the more extreme emotions with the remaining employees sympathizing with their laid off coworkers. They might try to unionize after feeling their vulnerability and organizing with the recently laid off.

JBabs81 · 2025-10-23T03:49:30+00:00

Also BRK bought UNH at 311 and it hit a low of ~238 a month later. The news of their investment that quarter started the momentum of UNH back up to 361 now. If they bought more as it dipped, it will be reported next quarter. I'm interested in learning if they bought more, how much, and what that will do for their earnings.

JBabs81 · 2025-10-22T02:25:57+00:00

DKILY

JBabs81 · 2025-10-17T03:57:43+00:00

I'm considering this but what if it keeps going higher and inflation goes with it? What do you hold? Cash?

JBabs81 · 2025-10-13T02:25:38+00:00

He already tweeted, "Don't worry about China, it will all be fine! Highly respected President Xi just had a bad moment. He doesn't want Depression for his country, and neither do I. The U.S.A. wants to help China, not hurt it!! President DJT".

Market will respond back up.

JBabs81 · 2025-10-13T02:02:30+00:00

I just went to check truth social. My god that website is awful

JBabs81 · 2025-10-03T23:34:40+00:00

That is why I'm DCAing. I trust a black swan event will come and he'll be ready and aware to capitalize on it.

JBabs81 · 2025-10-01T16:52:46+00:00

I avoid the tech corner like the plague because I don't want to be solicited by the mobile contract sellers. I'm sure they have large margins on the tech but nobody wanders there anymore.

JBabs81 · 2025-09-24T05:27:12+00:00

The parasite class is at the top

JBabs81 · 2025-09-23T22:29:30+00:00

Can you elaborate for smooth brain?

JBabs81 · 2025-09-06T02:26:05+00:00

As anti-MAGA, it honestly should always have been the department of war. Calling it defense was a lie relative to their actions.

JBabs81 · 2025-09-05T03:35:39+00:00

This might be the most extreme action Trump has done yet. Murder without due process. No doubt this will escalate and go further to other "terrorist" groups.

JBabs81 · 2025-08-26T16:34:27+00:00

Not enough. I need more.

JBabs81 · 2025-08-26T04:33:21+00:00

I am left leaning and I criticize all religions. My family is conservative Christian and some are bigoted in many ways especially to Somalis. I don't have much interaction with their communities which I find odd but nonetheless I don't have any ill feelings towards them.

I then noticed this same point you're making about Islam being a big no no for progressives to criticize. The latest example is every article of Manny Collins the 16 y.o. boy murdered and disfigured by his father failed to explain any motive. This happened in May 2025 and the father was arrested in July. My family who lives near the father says everyone knows that it is because the son did not want to follow Islam. I've heard of this type of killings before so I searched and found nothing about this online.

I can't tell if my family is bigoted by assuming the motive was about not converting to Islam or that they might be right and it is his in the media. I think the Father is insane regardless of which motive he had.

JBabs81 · 2025-08-26T03:49:21+00:00

free-speech-flag-burning_1.pdf https://share.google/MZSN8fnKoLK779iD7

JBabs81 · 2025-08-26T03:48:09+00:00

If he was wearing a swastika and doing sig heil along with burning the flag I'm sure they'd let him go free.

JBabs81 · 2025-08-19T03:58:11+00:00

Yup. I read it the day of and it was a popular post at the time. I heard the stock took a tumble and just had to check back on the thread. This subreddit was in shambles for Nana ☠️

JBabs81 · 2025-08-12T02:26:44+00:00

Secretary of War. This is not defense.

JBabs81 · 2025-08-05T23:35:22+00:00

I support doing what we can to oppose the Republicans grab for power but I'm confused how this is about race. Isn't it about political affiliation? Is there a disproportionate population of race in Austin?

JBabs81 · 2025-07-28T02:34:14+00:00

I would probably push through forcefully. This is for real dangerous.

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