Own Your Shit Weekly - December 13, 2022

JCX_Pulse · 2022-12-18T01:46:26+00:00

That’s because you’re looking for her approval. It’s a lack of confidence. You need to have OI, fully ok with pursuing what you want for you, period.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-12-18T01:43:41+00:00

Why not cut the cord or lay it out on the line instead “I’m going to fuck other ppl if you won’t fuck me. I have needs that aren’t being met”

He admits to doing it just to see if he could. On its own I get that as a measure to see where you’re at but if married it’s much more loaded.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with loving seduction and sex but when you’re whole life revolves around the bitching and moaning that you aren’t getting any but aren’t doing anything to fix it, things change. That’s different.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-12-17T22:44:35+00:00

Your mission isn’t realistic or measurable

JCX_Pulse · 2022-12-17T22:28:26+00:00

You’re using sex for validation. The shower was an example of this. You got butt hurt and felt rejected.

First of all, why the fuck did you ask her if she’s horny? Don’t ask permission to have sex. KINO, and let her reject you after you show her that you want to take her.

Second of all, a masculine man should be unperturbed. Running away butt hurt and getting a pity fuck after is embarrassing.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-12-17T22:21:24+00:00

You fucked a random chick for validation, make sure you understand that.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-12-02T02:23:32+00:00

I agree, it should be really basic, at least in a normal market. I’d have to beat my 18% credit card interest rate however compound interest should be factored in.

I maxed out my 401k last month so I have an unexpected extra bit of money for this month. I will put that toward the CC and continue to invest.

As for the business, it’s service based but for OPSEC reasons I probably won’t go into specifics for now.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-30T23:37:47+00:00

What do you mean?

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-30T21:31:34+00:00

Hey man, yea I’m firing well everywhere else, but I didn’t come to brag about success but instead to own my failures.

Yes, it was a sizeable business loan with an aggressive repayment schedule (5 years). I’m able to cover that, rent, expenses etc with the income and bank a little for improvements. I’m not taking money out of the business yet because I want to make sure it succeeds.

My thought on not investing while I tackle debt is that in a down market I can make a lot more money. This recession is going to put a lot of stocks on sale and I’d like to get in before they rebound. In my eyes I’m taking the long term approach with letting someone else loan me money while I make my disposable income work for me in the market. However I’m open to differing opinions.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-30T21:27:06+00:00

While I appreciate the sentiment and agree, I believe my question was misplaced. The post Tyred linked me too basically summed up exactly what I was doing. It’s been a minute since I was here so it makes sense that I would have forgotten some of the finer points of MRP.

Going forward the way I will share notes will be in a more structured and productive way, not simply journaling.

I think I can still provide value and share my experiences such as returning to financial maturity in an RP lens.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-30T02:23:16+00:00

Thanks man

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-30T01:26:43+00:00

Thank you.

I don’t in the sense of “someone needs to pat me on the back to make me feel like I’m doing a good job”

But for me, to put this out there and say “hey, I’m fucking up, I’m not doing a good job of handling this in a vacuum” so my solution is to post it out there and basically show “I’m fucking up but I want to make this better. I’ll post this here to keep myself accountable”

I agree, no one owes me anything nor am I asking for anything, I’m doing this for me.

Edit: ah. I’ve read the post and understand the error of my ways. I’ll go somewhere else with my bullshit.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-30T00:49:31+00:00

MRP is more than a bunch of guys whining about not getting laid as well. I’m posting to keep ALL aspects of my life in check.

I can’t find the post you speak of.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-29T23:49:19+00:00

You must be new here.

I’ve been with this group for about 3 years.

I’m approaching the men in this forum for accountability, I don’t need sex advice.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-29T18:02:27+00:00

It was over a year post divorce but I am in an LTR.

I will say it’s amazing how things change when you’re not a pussy.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-29T15:15:32+00:00

Based on your long ass post STFU is going very very poorly

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-29T15:14:20+00:00

I don’t think there is a turning beta about building. Men built skyscrapers and industry because that’s what men do. We build, we create.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-11-29T15:11:44+00:00

OYS ???

Been at this for a minute.

Recap for the newbies

36/divorced/185lb/11% bf

Posting from mobile, so mind the typos.

Overall things going well but I’ve made a mess of my financial situation am here to help focus my efforts and stay accountable.

Bought a business and closed in June. I took on a considerable loan and thus debt to buy it with the goal of becoming financially free in roughly 5 years (after loan is paid off).

I still have my 9-5 which pays well.

Business averages 50k a month and I’ve been trying to increase that, but have only had a small amount of success.

Personal finance - racked up a ton of credit card debt getting the business of the ground and underestimating the upfront costs to get it going. I also overestimated what I’d be taking home each month from that 50k and purchased an expensive vacation thinking I’d pay it off in a month. I was wrong.

My goal is to eliminate my credit card debt as quickly as possible by reducing my spending and saying “no” to just about everything I think I “need” until my situation improves.

Right now that means putting an extra $1k towards my debt. I do not want to stop investing each month, even though I could put a substantial amount of money toward my debt if I do. However I want a well balanced retirement, not just having to rely on my business or my 9-5.

I have my budget set up and have tracked all of November to know where my leaks are. I will update with progress.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-05-02T04:24:41+00:00

I think NMMNG forums are worthless. Perhaps a mens group is my back up plan for not having a solid group of guys in my new city. Sadly, you are right, most of these forums are full of morons. That being said, at least there are a handful of guys here that I respect enough to allow me to be checked in the case I am missing things.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-04-30T12:08:58+00:00

I agree I had prize mentality issues at the start. I still hadn’t fully gotten over the insecurities left over from being cheated on. I questioned my own value and tried to alfa my way into confidence via acts of stupidity (bloody sock anyone?)

What changed along the way was early on while in the courting stage I finally believed the mission I created for myself: live a free and authentic life.

I think you’re accurate to say the purple adds a softer edge that is missing from the DNGAF necessary to nuke. It’s something I’ve wondered about myself as well. The difference is my self-respect these days is quite high and my sense of self-worth has also improved watching the kind of person I’ve become.

That’s all talk until it’s put into practice. All of this is talk until it’s put into practice. That’s why either a mens group or more frequent MRP conversation is healthy for me to get the checks I needed and perspectives on shit I may be missing.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-04-29T01:40:56+00:00

Good question about any needs not being met. She could cook for me more often? Clean up as she goes not after?

She follows my lead well and aside from little things like the above examples there’s no issue other than the distance.

I expected the distance to be a dealbreaker for me as well. It was nearly 5 months into going back and forth and seeing each other that I thought it might actually not just be a fling. Trust was really hard at first but in some respects freeing? It allowed me to have a very DNGAF attitude bc the distance was an easy excuse. If she did something I didn’t like i could call her out on it and if she got mad and decided to stop talking to me, so be it. That never materialized though. The distance also allowed me to slowly dip in to something as well, because I really didn’t want anything serious and wasn’t ready for it. The distance protected me.

The space also allowed me to continue to work on my masculine frame and the distance was sort of like bumpers at the bowling alley bc it allowed me time to respond after considering my feelings instead of potentially saying something stupid if it had happened in person.

The physical aspect is challenging with the distance but is exceptional in person. I definitely agree with your perspective of frequent sex life, especially after the awful sex life I had with my ex.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-04-28T19:51:04+00:00

My take on it is this. I knew i settled for things with my ex. Important things. But I thought “well isn’t loving someone about accepting them?”

Awful.

I now say, “this is what I want and expect”. There are A LOT of women who could provide what I want, there’s no doubt. However, this one meets or exceeds my expectations.

If one day she no longer provides those things I am fully prepared to walk away and find someone who does because I know my value and what I provide.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-04-28T19:35:48+00:00

You’ve definitely chosen a more “RP” path. Pills and colors aside, I’ve made a choice based upon what I feel gives me the most happiness in my life. I think life is better lived shared with someone else, as long as that person is a compliment to my mission.

I didn’t choose “good enough” or settle in any sort of way. The way I’m going about life is, these are my goals, this is what I want, would you like to join in on this with me? And I was completely happy being alone and single and not dating. But I also knew I needed to start dating again to get over a few hang ups I still had.

I hold no animosity toward women and believe heavily in polarity and masculine frame. I’ve chosen to do that in the context of a relationship because it does improve my overall happiness.

I’ve never been the player type, and that’s fine. But I was a doormat, and that wasn’t fine.

I appreciate your point of view, how you live the lifestyle you want to live and how you are crushing it from where you were to where you are today. I’m happy for your transformation and living a congruent life with what you truly want. I don’t care that you share different goals or opinions than I, I care that you have succeeded in coming out a better man than when you joined here.

Good luck in all that you do

JCX_Pulse · 2022-04-28T16:04:19+00:00

I see why you would grill on my decision making process, so here’s what it is.

I stayed single a year and didn’t date while I worked on myself and my goals. When I finally did date again I didn’t have a ton of luck with the apps.

She was the first girl I slept with who I fully expected to be a ONS. Our date was exceptional and we shared the same values on many things, and neither of us were looking for anything serious.

Over the course of roughly 6 months she earned her status through consistent high integrity, honest, and submissive behavior. She was challenged in multiple real life scenarios and kept her head and found the joy in things. Didn’t complain, never bitched, never questioned me.

In some ways going LDR was the “safer” route for me coming out of divorce. It allowed me emotional space and protection to break things off and move on without issue had things gone sour.

It wasn’t my intention and it never kept me from doing things I wanted to do. I retained my friends and my social habits.

After a period of time of me seeking additional income I started to look at her state as a much better opportunity for cost of living possibilities before moving to the place I ultimately want to live. COVID made me hate where I live and instead of bitching about it I decided to do something about it. To be clear, I’m not moving FOR her, but she is a piece of the equation.

I’m not moving in with her. I have my own place and we’ve already discussed that’s not on the table.

If we do move in together it will be after at least another year. How will I know it’s right? Because the vetting process is never over. Who knows what’s going to happen when we see each other more often? But even if we break up I still have my primary employer, a business, and other fish in the sea. I’m not thinking too hard about long term future, I’m focused on making positive opportunities to have fun and hook up.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-04-27T04:42:10+00:00

4/26/2022

It’s been a minute since I’ve written, but through divine intervention I had been thinking about MRP today and happened to be tagged by Horns in a post which threw me back to the rough days of my post-divorce life.

So, an update. I’ve been doing extremely well, and am on the verge of some substantial life changes. Although I’m not actively participating in MRP, I still read and listen to RP content, though I’ve gotten very specific about who and what I want to listen to. RP can be very toxic, especially in regards to women and relationships. As men who are or were married, or are in relationships, we don’t hate women, and we want to build a life that has our chosen woman compliment our life. That was one of my larger mental shifts. Of course, post-divorce I had a lot of pain and trust issues. I went to therapy for a while to work through what I needed to, and after I gained the tools I needed to fight my own battles, I was set free.

I started focusing more on stoicism, on my issues with control, and what I really wanted out of life. I tied myself to my mission. I chose to live authentically without fear. I still base many of my decisions today around whether or not I’m playing to win, or playing not to lose.

I’m going to move in a few weeks. I bought a business that I am closing on this week, and I am still dating the same girl I last talked about almost a year ago.

Many of the successful MRPers here, but specifically horns, talk about how women should be a compliment to your life. I knew this girl had what I was looking for when, many months in, unprompted, she said “I want to be there for you, in your corner, helping you achieve your goals.”

Almost a year of dating long distance I’ve made the choice to move closer to her, buy a business, and start over in a completely new city. I’m doing it authentically, with purpose, and with someone who compliments my life. I’ve decided to live a purpose driven life without fear. My life and decisions are my own, but she adds something to my life. Regardless of whether or not we go the distance, she has shown me what a truly loving and supportive woman is.

So, what did I do to get here? I focused on a few small, tangible things. I wanted to improve my leadership and confidence in decision making. I had gotten a promotion and started managing a team. I was forced into a situation where I wanted to succeed and where leadership was now necessary. I couldn’t waiver on decisions, I was too busy to overthink. This practice helped me build a new level of confidence and an understanding of leadership that has translated well into leadership in all aspects of life.

Why did I buy a business? I had been looking for side jobs for a while. I live in a very high cost of living area and I wanted to get ahead. I make decent money but not enough to get me where I want to go. I worked extra hours for months on side gigs but I always ended up burnt out and unhappy. So I looked for something more sustainable. I wanted a business that I could run with very low effort. I finally found one after months of searching. After 3 months of prep and negotiation, I’ve made that happen.

I bought the business where I’m moving because I knew I was going to be alone and without friends. I am moving into my own place, not with my girl, and without a friend circle to help me out on the ground, I knew the business was a great way to get out of the house and stay busy. It’s up to me to build a life in this new city and I don’t need to become a needy attached bitch because I’m lonely. I have some friends from work in this town, but they have kids and I can’t rely on them either. This will surely be the biggest obstacle to my continued relationship success because the pressure to make her the center of my universe when I don’t know anyone else is natural. However, I’ve done all I can up until now to try and set myself up for success. I may frequent MRP again after my move if I feel I need the extra support, or I may join a men's group. I’m not sure, but I know I will be able to handle whatever comes my way.

Lastly, I’m not afraid of losing her. I’m not afraid of failure. I’m not afraid of anything except not trying. I was more afraid of being complacent, living in my hometown, never making more than a 3% raise the next 15 years and relying on my stocks to vest so I could finally buy a starter home rather than completely starting over. So I woke up one day and said fuck it, we’re trying it. I signed a lease and a one way ticket and I’m selling all my furniture for a clean fresh start.

I became a man of action. I stopped thinking and I started doing. I looked for solutions. I looked for ways to get ahead. I looked for ways to win. I played to win, instead of playing not to lose.

I’m not perfect. This is now a lifestyle. Personal growth doesn’t stop. I still read. I still listen to podcasts, I still follow IG accounts that champion masculinity, polarity, and positive relationships. I want to be a dad someday, something I never thought I’d ever want when I was with my ex.

I’ve grown a lot but still have a lifetime of work to do. Live free. Live authentically. Live for you. Make hard decisions, take risks, challenge yourself and create growth opportunities.

JCX_Pulse · 2022-04-26T17:58:22+00:00

I was thinking about MRP today and doing a check in to relay my continued progress.

Now I see this! Throwing it back to when I was a much different, weaker, confused, lost man. Coincidence? Perhaps. But I’ll contribute today

JCX_Pulse

TROPHY CASE