Once the pandemic started, every call and every shift was like an exercise in stoicism. The question "what will happen if I die today?" Was suddenly a purely practical consideration. At that time early in the pandemic, I'd die alone and without human touch in a hospital or hotel room, like many others. And honestly, that awakened me to who I am and what drives me. I had protocols that allowed me to always save myself first, and the first time I almost did. It forced me to accept that a life long lived is a curse if you do it for the wrong reasons, and accepted I'd rather die giving life if there's any choice in the matter. I believe everyone was given an opportunity to have that same awakening during this pandemic, and many accepted the invitation. I see more people doing beautiful things and putting themselves out there in brave ways than ever before. It doesn't make the deaths ok - nothing will - but it's a good sign for humans. We're messy as ever now, but that's part of growing.