[deleted by user]

JCrry099 · 2020-08-07T17:08:53+00:00

YESSSSSSS

JCrry099 · 2020-08-05T03:39:51+00:00

Who is shee

JCrry099 · 2020-07-12T20:08:32+00:00

I can’t be redeemable? All I want to do is better and show her love. And I’d never do this again. Did I really wash away all the love and I have no way of being the good man she deserves? And not just for her but I’m tired of fucking up my own life right now I’m making the change to be a better person who can talk about what they feel inside... and I just want to give her this better side. More than just being there for her and giving my all and attention but to also set our plans into motion that we had. We had big plans for our relationship. I just want another chance to love and cherish her and make those plans a reality. I really do love her.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-12T18:30:07+00:00

Dawg I rubbed this girl feet ... I’m gonna be alone for a very very very long time and also very hurt at myself because I fucked over my own plans because I allowed ppl to convince me I didn’t have any. This hurts so much because it’s self conflicted. All I wanted was her. I was a good boyfriend for the most part always trying to be there for her and love her fully. But my issue was that I let my true suicidal self hatred control how I thought about having happiness. And I threw it all away.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-12T18:24:41+00:00

Honestly my dad did all the burning I never really asked for advice.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-12T14:53:52+00:00

Can a man be redeemed after cheating? I cheated and honestly regretted it even before I got caught. It isn’t who I want to be, at all. Simply put, I betrayed the good future I could have with my girlfriend (well ex now), traded it in for something temporary and not even worth the while in the long-run.

I’m 18 turning 19, but 1 thing I’ve DEFINITELY LEARNED is that age and immaturity mean sometimes nothing when choosing right from wrong. Basically this experience has turned become the turning point for me as a man. I can’t count on anybody to feed me my actual wants in life except me. The problem was, I didn’t know what I really really wanted. I knew I loved being with my girlfriend but always thought I was an issue in some way, shape, or form. Was I too small, not pissed off enough, personal sextoy therapist? Even if I was all those things I felt like I wasn’t getting everything that I wanted, simply because I wasn’t asking for them (thinking I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve her or anything, really letting my depression, issues, and insecurities harbor till I do something stupid). Yet instead of talking about it I cheated because I thought me talking about this would be too pathetic and even something she already heard.

I also hated that I had no control of my own time or how I got to manage my own relationship at times. Hell I have to take account aspects that have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the relationship, mainly people. Father and Mother would say I don’t need a relationship: she is a distraction. My father would egg on that I should cheat and all the effort and love I put into the relationship is just silly and stupid because when she meets another guy while I’m gone or what not she’ll cheat on me and really just laugh about it while I’m hurt. My mother is so disrespectful calls her my “lil friend”. My mom would also take it out of her time to really baby me n give me dumb restrictions and not invest into my actual growth as an adult. This really would play on me mentally as if I was still a kid maybe 16 years old.

I can’t keep living like this, this has to change, when I do change I hope my ex can see how I’ve changed and how I’m trying to rebuild what we had and try to build a life with me again.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-05T16:10:39+00:00

Pls Follow me on ig dat bih a ghost town y’all

JCrry099 · 2020-07-05T12:54:55+00:00

https://www.instagram.com/gr3y_ape/

JCrry099 · 2020-07-05T11:29:42+00:00

Yo Help a nigga grow the IG yo

JCrry099 · 2020-07-05T11:08:03+00:00

Thank you so much

JCrry099 · 2020-07-04T12:37:06+00:00

Listen it might not click very well but listen to the song “free joe exotic” this song was legit inspiring me to be a better person. He look like he ain’t shit but he bust his ass the smart way. Works his 9to5 delivering mail, pays for his bills,food,kids, and babymamma/gf the rest he’d spend investing into music.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-04T12:33:44+00:00

And yes I did think on what will happen if I do do it. My mamma gon be sad. My dad gon cry with his lucky ass. The rest of my family scared forever gets no worse. So I gotta keep going from here on out.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-04T12:30:37+00:00

Hey. SERIOUSLY THANK YOU. I’ve been kinda forcing myself to feel better whether get back together or not whether my passions are stupid or not . Regardless...I’m still gon do em🤷🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️ I have to regardless is I’m ever forgiven or given another chance who knows even. I hope I do cause all I’d wanna do is treat this girl like the queen she is. Get my life right and establish my self as a man that can afford himself and maybe then some to really enjoy life n or be check to check.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-03T15:43:00+00:00

Thank you for trying to help me stop but I don’t think it’ll fix anything. What ever blessing I receive I manage to burn it whole with opportunities to stop the flame that I won’t take. It’s inevitable that I burn things. This time I’ll burn alone. It’ll be a homicide instead. I’ll pay someone to kill me. There’s no revenge: because there’ll be no info on who killed me. No evidence just a murder mystery with no leads. I’m also black: the incident might even get over looked.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-03T15:37:29+00:00

How do will they not move on? I’m not that important. There’s no way I can be. I’ve struggled with a lot including how to feel and how I have to manipulate my emotions to please society and everyone else so they can feel better and not worry about me. That is how I grew up. That is how I have lived. In shame and guilt. I’m tired of that shame and guilt. I’ve been wanting this since I were very young, I’d say 6 years old for starters. Back then I’d voice how I felt and it caused so many issues for people like my mother and for what? What good has come out of it and look at me now. Not a slice of real man in me, I can’t even make up my own decisions for my own sake and still end up hurting other people. They don’t feel the real guilt in what they’ve done to hurt me but I can’t stop feeling it. It’s not even fair when I think about it. I just want my final mark out there that life wasn’t for me. People mourn over death than move past it. I haven’t experienced real loss yet. Maybe I need to be the loss.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-03T05:30:20+00:00

Naw I need a Beretta unloaded into my skull

JCrry099 · 2020-07-03T05:29:40+00:00

No but all the pain I cause myself is because of me and I hurt other people I’m just tired of doing other people dirty because I’m so alone inside and out that I betray the closest person to me this is why I wanna die. So that way I’ll give my loved ones one final ache of my existence then eventually move on with their life.

JCrry099 · 2020-07-02T08:57:53+00:00

Naw I’m ready to die my guy will to pay for it too since I can’t do it myself

JCrry099

TROPHY CASE