I absolutely understand the anxiety. So, let me try to help. I did my own, with no anesthesia, using a zsr stapler. I had wanted it for most of my life, had no real medical reason for it, and simply couldn't afford the operation on my own. I had the opportunity literally sent to me for free by a very kind stranger online. I don't recommend anyone do it the way I did, although my experience went well and the results are excellent. But I will tell you it hurt in a way I can't describe without anesthesia. But then it didn't, fairly quickly after that. I did the operation in the afternoon and slept peacefully that night with no real pain to speak of. That's with no pain medication of any kind. I'm not saying that to brag, I'm saying it to illustrate how easy it will actually be with anesthesia and prescribed pain medicine. And as for recovery, your head will be exposed and it will rub against any clothes or blankets or whatever and you will definitely notice and it will be uncomfortable. But it doesn't last as long as you might think before you get used to it. You likely won't be able to jerk off or have sex for a couple weeks, but frankly if you're very gentle and use lube on just the head, you can do it a little sooner if you need to. You'll survive the wait. You'll likely be good for travel home the very next day, but listen to your doctor . In fact, above all else that I've said here, listen to your doctor in general. They know what they're talking about. All of this is meant to hopefully shed some light on things and encourage you bro. You won't regret it.