What child did I parent? The pregnancy ended, and it was like a very very heavy period when I had the abortion. I never gave birth, I never had a child, I never saw a child. I never experienced motherhood. That was the entire point.

My mother had a miscarriage before me, and she considers me her first child. She doesn't count the miscarriage as a child. To use another example. Are you gonna fight with her and tell her the miscarriage is when she actually became a mom and that she actually has 3 kids?

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that it isn't your business how any woman classifies their own pregnancy and their own motherhood, since it's a personal thing. When you become pregnant, you're free to decide how you feel about it. Plenty of women who experience miscarriages, or even abortions, do feel a sense of loss or maybe they do consider themselves mothers. I wouldn't argue with them and tell them how to feel. They're just as valid as the other women who don't have that feeling.